Gift to Me

Restoration—His Gift to Me!

“Don't Ever Let Go of God's Hand!”

God is sooo awesome!! Praise Him that my marriage is restored! It is only by the grace of God that I have been given this wonderful gift, and that is exactly what it is, a gift from God. It is a gift that I am not deserving of, but praise God that my Heavenly Father loves me enough to give it back to me and give me another chance to do it right!

I had been separated from my husband for more than 4 years. We had only been married 4 years when I was the one who told my husband I didn't love him anymore and I moved out.

When I think about it, my heart aches at the pain I caused him. He is a wonderful man and husband, but I thought I wanted something more, the "fairy tale" love. When you watch TV and read books and see how "perfect" everything seems, you start to think that that is reality when it's not.

Finally after 3 years, God led me to stop and think about the important things in life. He showed me all the gifts He had already given me and how I had squandered them. I thought about how much time (and money) I had wasted on all this nonsense. He then began to turn my heart back toward my husband.

But even in the midst of all of this realization, I was still the same person I was before, argumentative, stubborn and opinionated. One day, after a particularly bad day at work, I had an argument with my husband on the phone and I finally said to him, "Either put forth an effort on our relationship or divorce me!" I can't even believe I said those words!! Who was I to say those things when I hadn't even changed?!?!?

It was only 1½ months after I said those words that he took me up on my offer and told me he wanted a divorce. I was in shock. I never thought he would divorce me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I always thought we would get back together because it was the "right" thing to do, not necessarily because it was a "good" thing to do.

Needless to say, I was devastated to hear he was really divorcing me. I got to the point where I could barely function. I couldn't eat, and either I couldn't sleep or I slept all the time. I cried constantly. Everyone who knew me used to joke that I didn't have a heart because I never showed emotion. After that announcement, I couldn't hide my emotions. People at my work never even knew I was separated. I had kept it a secret until that point because I was embarrassed but there was no hiding my secret any longer.

I had finally reached my breaking point. I had been a Christian since I was a teenager but I never really had a relationship with the Lord. I knew that I had nowhere left to turn except to God so I decided to switch churches, going back to the one I grew up in. I knew they loved and served the Lord with all their hearts, so I started going to church more and for the first time, really praying.

It was still difficult. I was still emotional and didn't know what to do. My husband and I still had some contact but it was so hard every time to say good-bye. Finally, about 1 ½ months later, I felt like we had a huge breakthrough, but after the holidays he went back to thinking we should get divorced.

Then I finally found the RMI website after searching for prayer sites on line. I had prayer requests in everywhere I could find, but it wasn't until I ordered RMI's materials (right away) and started reading the "Restore" book that I immediately started following its instructions and things began to change in my life. I also started praying more, the resources made me hungry for more of Him, for reading my Bible, and even for fasting, which I never thought I'd ever do. I even started listening to praise music at work and while driving in the car. God gave me such a peace, I couldn't believe it was me.

Then I decided that whatever His will was for me, I was going to be happy! If He wanted me all to Himself, then I knew I had more than every other woman in the world.

The truth is, I had always believed in prayer, but never really spent much time in it, and certainly didn't believe I could hear or have a conversation with the Lord. It was amazing that when I started asking Him for things, big or small, and He would answer me. I had been a Christian for so long, why should this amaze me so much? Why doesn't the church teach any of this? Why have we been left in the dark and not taught the truth and what would really help us?

My husband began seeking individual counseling from a counselor. I figured this would surely be the end knowing what I had learned about the destruction of counseling, but even in this God was faithful because I asked Him to do something. At my husband's first session, his counselor told him he should step back from me! So it seemed we would never recover from what his counselor told him to do. But I wouldn't give up and stop believing He was bigger than that. I did what the Lord asked and kept praying and becoming closer to Him.

That's when my husband said he noticed all the changes in me but thought they were just temporary. He thought I was doing whatever I could so he wouldn't divorce me. One evening he said to me that he told his counselor he didn't know why he was wavering in his decision for a divorce. He said usually when he makes a decision, he sticks with it. But I knew why, it was the Lord!

Eventually we started spending more time together. Finally he asked me to join him on vacation with some of his family members. While on vacation, we talked about our relationship, I told him about mine with the Lord, and that's when he told me I could move home at any time and that he did in fact love me!!

As soon as we got home, I went and got my clothes packed, moved home and I haven't left since!! That was more than a year ago!!

God is so amazing! Our new relationship with His Son is wonderful! He has taught me so much over the past year: patience, humility, and steadfastness. I love my new relationship with the Lord even more now going into my second year of restoration. I used to think that I shouldn't "bother" God with trivial things, there are so many more important problems in the world, but then I always remember that if He loves us enough to number the hairs on our heads, then He cares about EVERYTHING in our lives and sent His Son so we could have a relationship with Him as our Husband!

My husband is not yet saved, but I know that God will save him! I know I blew my witness to him and many others by my actions over the years and that also makes my heart ache, but this time will be different!

I now pray that God uses me as a witness to lead souls to Him!

I apologize that this is so long but I prayed about this for a while because I wanted to say what God wanted me to. I wanted to be able to give God the glory and also encourage others so forgive me for not submitting a testimony sooner.

PLEASE Don't ever let go of the LORD's hand!!!

~ Denise in New York, RESTORED