My Reaction Solidified his Love for Me

My Reaction Solidified his Love for Me

What brought you to RMI? Please use this space to briefly let our readers know what your life was like when you first found us, Lucy, so our readers understand just what a miracle your restoration is.

Lucy, how did your restoration actually begin?

About a year and a half ago my husband left me for another woman. I just can’t get over how terrible it was. As a result of so much stress, I lost a lot of weight in a very short time that caused concern for my family and friends. It was a very big shock because we were apparently good with each other; everyone thought we had the perfect marriage—including me! But I realized now how I was deceived and lulled into thinking like most women that we can act any way we want, be impossible to live with, and it won’t end up destroying our marriage. I was always a calm person overall, but if I became miffed about something, I acted like a child and would pout or scream and just make life miserable for everyone around me. To top it off, I was always working, a huge career-focused woman. I never had time for my family, because I was more concerned with material things than lowering myself to devote my time to keeping a home and spending time with our girls.

So even though I was shocked by what happened, ultimately I was more shocked by the lies and deception I believe all of us women fall into by how we act and what we make a priority in our lives.

How did God change your situation Lucy as you sought Him wholeheartedly?

I was away from the Lord for years when everything happened and my world fell apart. This led me to go back to church, but I realized, even in church, there was something missing. I still was not feeling God in my life, and then, everything changed when I decided to seek help on the internet. I found several marriage help sites, but when I found RMI, that's when I realized what I’d been missing. I read the book "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" and followed the first principle to let go. Like everyone else who has a restored marriage, it was very difficult, but when I did, really did it, I began to see how our situation changed almost instantly and I was out of crisis mode.

It was when I took the first course and filled out my journals, that I immediately began to get closer to the Lord and to have, for the very first time in my life, a deep intimacy with Him. It’s like we never make time to really know Him until He catches our attention with something catastrophic. The more intimate I became with the Lord, the more He began to transform me. When I began to read the limitless testimonies of restored marriages and how each of the women was being transformed and falling in love with Him like I was, it confirmed over and over that He used my marriage crumbling for my good.

What principles, from God's Word (or through our resources), Lucy, did the Lord teach you during this trial?

God tells us in His Word that He is a Wonderful Counselor, that He will never leave us, and that nothing is difficult for Him. I clung to these words and did as Erin teaches us in her book, by making Him our Husband, by placing Him first and foremost always. No longer was my husband first, and this is really when everything began to fall into place in my life. My priorities changed, my desires changed. Peace was a continuous state I lived in for the first time in my life and it felt amazing!!

What were the most difficult times that God helped you through Lucy?

The most difficult times had to be when my girls found out about the other woman. Their dad made a point of explaining that it was his new girlfriend, and right away they began to post photos together. My teen girls and also their friends saw these and it was grueling. If that were not bad enough, the other woman kept posting that she wanted to get pregnant by my husband. Not long after she announced she was pregnant. Though I got off of social media and encouraged my girls to do the same (which was very hard for them), our family and friends continued to give us (unwanted) updates on their progress and I got several texts the day their baby boy was born.

How could I go on? How could I be certain God was in control? Only because by faith I fear no evil, for He, the Lord, is with me. I have a Husband, I have a Father for my daughters and He became the head of our home in every sense of the word. Had it not been for being in the spiritual state I’d recently found, I have no idea where I would be today, nor how my girls could have coped.

Lucy, what was the “turning point” of your restoration?

The turning point was when I let go, which happened early on in my journey. Almost immediately my husband started to come over often to visit the girls, and then, soon, to visit with all of us. As time went by, he always stayed longer and longer. And I sensed that once the other woman became pregnant, she became very sure of herself and their relationship, which made her bitter as wormwood.

All the time social media was posting their bliss, my husband was spending more and more time with us, even doing the mundane tasks like shopping with us and things we’d never done as a “family” before. This is when I believe a lot of women who are seeking to restore derail their restoration. They begin to get greedy, demanding and their expectations begin to get large again. Thankfully by studying the countless testimonies of restored marriages, I knew better than to behave like this. What made it easier is that deep in my heart I really no longer wanted restoration because I was enjoying being His bride far too much. Like Erin, I knew I wanted His plan, His will and also for the sake of my daughters who deserved a father at home I was open to being restored, but far from desperate for it.

Tell us HOW it happened, Lucy? Did your husband just walk in the front door? Lucy, did you suspect or could you tell you were close to being restored?

Yes, I began to suspect that it was going to happen when he first asked me to forgive him. Next, he said that he was really missing me, missing us, missing being a family again. A few days after that, he asked me if I was involved with someone else. Cheating on him. I had to laugh because when I read testimonies where they said this happened, I thought no way would my husband become jealous. So I took the opportunity to share about my new Husband who made me so happy, so peaceful and also where I'd found out about to live like this, RMI. This shook him up a lot. It is an awful lot to wrap your head around. But I remained peaceful, with my gentle and quiet spirit and simply let God complete what He’d started if this was His will. Because after all, it’s GOD who restores, not us, and I was very content to wait.

It was about two weeks later that he asked me if I would ever take him back. I said of course, and he packed up everything and came home. One thing he made a point of saying as he was unpacking was how I had encouraged him to be there for his baby boy’s birth. I told him that his son is no threat to what God has done. If anything she has enriched all our lives. My husband said my reaction had solidified his love for me and helped him to know that I was the woman of his dreams. He is continually grateful and praises me as it says in Proverbs will happen.

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:27-31.

I’ve attached a picture of our daughters with their new baby brother that I hope you can use.

Would you recommend any of our resource in particular that helped you, Lucy?

Absolutely! First, I recommend the book How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage it was the first book I read. I couldn’t afford to buy others, but then I discovered everything was free, so I did each of the courses and recommend the courses which helped me so much too. In some ways, more than when I first read the RYM book, which is saying a LOT!

Course 3 that takes you through A Wise Woman helped me prepare for my husband being at home again, and I invested in the By the Word of Their Testimonies eBooks to help me keep focused on what others did who were successful. I never missed the Daily Encourager and am currently taking the second Abundant Life Course in order to remain fully “in love” with my HH.

Would you be interested in helping encourage other women Lucy?

Yes, of course!!

Either way Lucy, what kind of encouragement would you like to leave women with, in conclusion?

Dear Brides, in our journey toward the abundant life that He has for us, we will encounter a trial so significant that we will find ourselves asking "What is the point?" My prayer for you today is that if you are posing this question, that you take a moment to quiet your day so you can be still and alone with Him so that He can answer. The point will always be found in the midst of the trial, in the opportunity hidden within the opposition, and our only job is to remain in love with Him so that He can reveal His truths and path He wants us to take with Him.

Your husband might not have a baby with someone, someone who posts it all over social media, but you are going to be called to go through something significant enough to lead you here. And until you discover it's not for the sake of your marriage, but it's so you can find Him and begin living the Abundant life, you will suffer and miss everything He has planned for you.

Finding the Abundant life is great, but it pales in comparison to living the Abundant Life that He has prepared for us. I didn't just want to find it, I wanted to experience it! I want to be so deeply immersed in His abundance that everything I touch too becomes saturated with His love and peace. I pray that you take a moment to get alone and come to the place to read through each book as a course, so you too can experience the abundant life that He has prepared just for you!