Cindy RESTORED in Arizona

"I Had to be Broken"

The story of Phil and Cindy goes back a long way with a lot of ups and downs. Our marriage was not built on that Rock that we are supposed to build our house and lives upon. Even though when we started dating I prayed a lot about it and my sister and my mother said that God told them he was the one for me I had no clue what the Bible said regarding marriage.

So after a bunch of hurdles and our daughter being almost 2, we were married, this was almost 12 years ago.

Well-let's jump forward. Due to a bunch of living outside of the life that I know God wanted us to live, our marriage fell apart. My husband couldn't tell me he loved me, rarely was intimate (I know we aren't supposed to degrade our spouse, just telling the story) and I sadly cheated a few times on my marriage. I knew I loved him, but didn't know how to feel better about myself. I know now that this is not the way to do it.

After he found out I cheated (my best friend of 16 years told him) I left and hooked up with an old boyfriend. That relationship was doomed from the start. He was an alcoholic, horribly dysfunctional children (one daughter had a 3 year old at 20 and she addicted to heroin) etc.

I learned very quickly that this wasn't how I wanted to live either.

As you can see, I had to be broken. I was a gypsy. Running away from one place to the next for a year. I finally came to stay at my girlfriend's house. I was always alone and when you are alone that much you really start to think. Too much.

It was SuperBowl Sunday and my ex husband was texting me from a party he went to. All the sudden he quit texting. I thought he had met someone or took someone home with him. Whatever the case my brain started working over time.

I looked up his cell phone as we still share the same bill to see if he was texting anyone and ignoring me and I saw he had been texting someone new. They always texted him first, but when he was telling me he was going to bed he was still texting this person.

(My daughter told me later that it was an old guy friend from his younger days, that he reconnected with) but the enemy knew my weaknesses and schemed to use them to further destroy me. However, God was using this to get my attention.

All of this put me in tailspin and I realized that I could lose what was most precious to me. My family.

I looked for prayer help online. I knew I needed to reconnect with God and quick. I needed to rebuild my marriage and my family and do it right.

Praise God I was soon found a site for prayer and someone left me the hopeatlast.com site.

All of the resources from this site were my saving grace. I learned how to keep my mouth shut (even though I failed at times), I quit texting and calling my husband but instead always let him contact me. And I drenched myself in the word.

In fact I somehow messed up my lessons in order and ended up doing a bunch at once, at times, trying to figure it all out. This was God helping me go over the same lessons again and again, the ones I really needed to renew my mind.

The whole thing, as you can imagine, has been difficult process. My ex went from praying and fasting begging God that I would return to him, to cold and uncaring. I would hear that we weren't meant to be together and are just made to hurt each other, etc.

When my dog died all I had was a text saying "I'm putting your dog down today." This is why this ministry teaches us to focus on the LORD and not on our circumstances. There is a spiritual battle going on and if we put too much on what we see or hear, we are doomed.

Yet, through all of this turmoil I finally learned a lot about prayer. I asked for a lot of prayer and then finally learned what was more powerful is when I prayed a lot on my own. I finally learned that my husband was not the one to blame for our break up, because even though he didn't say it, he was also blaming himself. So I had to pray for him to forgive himself. This is something he has a hard time with. He holds himself accountable a lot. I had to pray for him to have a soft heart for both himself and for me.

On Spring break I couldn't bring my daughter to my house because I found out that my roommate was a huge pot smoker. My ex is a cop and this was unacceptable for my daughter as you can imagine.

So I came and stayed with my daughter at my ex's house. Needless to say, we had a great week. No contention—nothing but fun. I made sure to have dinner ready when he would get home, bought flowers for the table, etc. It was a great time. We even went and had a date night, just the two of us and had a lot of fun.

The turning point was when my roommate lost her job and messed up her unemployment, which meant I had to move. I told my ex and he made a "deal" for me to live with my daughter at his home. This was to allow us both to get our debt paid off. Of course it was not ideal, but my hope was that after the debt was paid off, that God would turn his heart and not want me to go.

So this wasn't the reconciliation that I wanted. I would love to say he said "I love you, come home" but I am "home" yet, instead I am determined to make the best of of this opportunity to remain pure and hope that soon he will ask me stay together as a couple.

Due to living under the same roof, my husband said he seen the changes in me and I am going to continue to take each step and ask the Lord to guide me in each step I take.

The lessons are what helped me the most. It put the books in smaller doses, which help when you have a busy life and so much to learn.

In conclusion, I would say that whenever our husbands are telling us that they don't love us, or don't think we are meant to be together— that's when you need to remember that what God has brought us through, and that it says man cannot separate. Whether we see it or not, we are unified by God as a married couple, therefore we owe that union and be willing to fight for it by doing what is right.

Letting go is hard, especially when you love someone but, if you ask God for that faith, for that mercy and grace, get on your knees and make sure He knows that no matter what comes down in your life, that you will remain steadfast with God—He will not lose you or give up on what He promised.

~ Cindy in Arizona

Ministry Note: We have been in contact with Cindy to warn her about the dangers of living with an ex-husband, knowing the dangers of intimacy before remarrying and the ongoing temptation living under one roof.

We also shared Sabrina in Georgia, which was found in Chapter 1, Newly RESTORED testimony, which we would encourage you to read.

However, each person must walk their Restoration Journey as the Lord leads us, which is why we share the truth and leave the rest to the LORD rather than interfering it in. It's our mistakes that bring about the strongest convictions and deeper understanding of His mercy—which is why we encourage wives not to interfere with the journey their husbands are on.

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” —Philippians 1:6

Ministry Note 2: Thankfully the Lord never fails. Not too long after trusting Him to convict Cindy, it was her husband Phil who felt convicted and remarried his ex-wife. Thank You Lord!