Left the Door Opened

“Left the Door Open”

Six years ago I met my FH and it was like my destiny. We knew we belonged together and the bond grew stronger by the day. I was an executive and he owned his own business. It wasn’t much for him to exist on, but that was not even a thought. Soon, our lives began to turn upside down.

I came to RMI because I believed my EH and I were meant to be together. That God was there the day He married us and made us one flesh together with the spirit of the Lord. Unfortunately, my husband said he likes his life of independence and can not ever see himself living ever again with a woman—and not me for sure. I felt as if he had thrown it all away without asking for help from God to restore our marriage. Only I have been the person to continue to ask and He answered by sending me here, to you, to learn what I did wrong and how to change.

Even though we were both Born Again Christians with charismatic testimonies, we were about to fall. Here again, being saved doesn’t mean it is over and life is like walking in sunshine. It wasn’t. The devil came against us because I left the door open to him. In every way possible this beautiful love affair faded to grey really fast. Though we did have good moments, they weren’t enough to offset the bad ones when the fighting became an act of strength as to who would survive. By the way, I was never the winner in a fight. I wanted to be, but I always submitted in tears of repentance, but deep down inside was a brewing tempest. The bitterness was becoming the cornerstone of our frail marriage.

When I came here, I considered myself a Baptist. I was saved 2 months after I met my EH. We were always listening to Christian music and one weekend I came home and we had a fight and I decided it was over. Then the next day I listened to Michael W Smith Worship CD and he said..."like a rose trampled on the ground and in that moment I saw the vision of what my Lord had done for someone as rebellious as me. I cried on my carpet, face down, for 5 hours. I prayed for repentance and that I finally understood all the years of going to church, the message I had missed...I now understood. Since coming here, I love the Lord with all my heart and believe He has been with me through this marriage trial from start to completion.

When I came here, in my Marriage Evaluation Questionnaire, I said, “I believe in the will of God and I also believe in marriage. I never did believe in divorce. My husband has not been faithful to me. He does not appear to be a saved Christian any longer and has some beliefs that are outside of the bible. I believe the enemy has crushed our marriage. My entire family has fought against us and done some excruciating things to both of us a s a couple. No one has really come alongside us to support it. My EH has had troubles for years making money and was somewhat living under what was my roof when we met. I thought the pressure of having somewhere to live would be off him but instead it created terrible insecurities. I feel that his family told him how unstable it all was here with me. Unfortunately, he never did commit to the marriage from the start. I’m afraid, I suppose, that my marriage is going to end in divorce because my EH was sleeping with a secular woman and is somehow mesmerized by her. He was pushing me to end our and I was offering him reconciliation at every turn until I finally gave in feeling it must be God’s will to end something that never had a chance to work.

Quite honestly, my EH is very controlling and punishes me constantly. He finds my weaknesses and attacks in hard via emails he sends to me. It has been really rough without him and by his retaliation. I almost succeeded in starving myself to death and succeeded in losing 40 pounds. My hair has fallen out entirely and my health is only borderline. I still cannot believe he is not in bed with me when I wake in the morning. I have constant nightmares about this situation. I feel I not only lost a husband but also am so worried because he has backslid in the secular world due to this OW. Tell me, do we even have a chance? The divorce was signed by the judge a week after receipt even though this was supposed to take a couple of months. I thought I would adjust but I haven't. Can you help me? Nothing is getting better and I am not moving on as I believe I should. Do I have any reason to believe we can find our happiness we had the day we first met?

So, my former husband had left me over and over again. It was heartbreaking. I was crying inside and deeply wounded. I would beg him to return home to me each time and after a few days of calm, he would come home, saying we would work it out. Each time I became more insecure until it came to a final break. I knew we were in serious trouble. I was fine for a few days when at first he left and then I began to feel very uncomfortable. The first email he sent was to tell me that this separation was indefinite and the next email was that he had found another woman.

I couldn’t even be jealous or angry. He simply went to someone who could give him the life he wanted. One of calm. Our families fought against our marriage and admittedly we went to our respective families to spill out our problems. This was the worst error of all. If we only knew the damage it created. To this day my family is not speaking to me so when I came to RMI, I was totally alone.

Prior to RMI I sought help through pastors, Christian counseling and traditional therapy. None of it worked. In fact, it made everything so much worse. They all said it was hopeless and gone beyond repair. I was so disappointed. I cried like a baby every day. I was totally unable to move and didn’t eat. I lost 45 pounds and at my age of 61, it left me with some wrinkles that were not there before and a lot of hair loss. I know a lot of women mourn the marriage like I did. It went on for months like that.

No matter what answers I was looking for scripturally, no one was willing to look them up for me or explain the scriptures that I found. Basically the demons were pulling me in one direction and God was pulling me in another.

In my loneliness I called my ex-fiancé from over 20 years before. We had always remained friends and I guess I needed someone desperately to speak to. Instead what I got was a secular view of of how the world sees my situation and he too worked on me to believe divorce was the way to go and so I filed for divorce after a lot of meditation. My FH also wanted me to file and get it done. His life had moved on according to him. In my haste and wanting to take things slower, I left it to God and filed the first set of divorce papers myself in tears.

The second set was different. I had already found RMI and knew that I had to proceed in obedience to my husband. In an unbelievable emotionless state, I filed. The court told me it would take up to 3 months to complete, but in only a week it was granted and immediately I fell on the floor face down and cried out to the Lord.

After reading the first chapters of Erin’s book on divorce it is critical for all women who are faced with Divorce to read just the first 2 chapters. I immediately came to an understanding of what was going on and began to live the life Jesus would want me to. I came to place of contentment and peace. I understood why God would want this from me and how obedience was the key, so I began to follow it to the letter of how Erin walked me through this process in her book. My life would never be the same: Our problem was never an issue of love, it was intense and always there. My problem was control and staying in control.

When I realized I tore my own house down, I sat down with the Lord and cried out for His help and to never leave me. I knew I had to be broken. I can't recall how many times I asked to be broken, but it was a number of times. It truly felt like the fresh fires each time. Days would go by where I stayed to myself and prayed in my prayer closet privately to the Lord. I knew if things were going to change that God was going to do the changing. I released my will over to Him and allowed Him to be the boss of me. As I prayed in praise and a change for my heart, I prayed also for my husband to turn his heart towards me.

For those people who are walking dead in the world, not knowing there is a living God who seeks out the broken and wants to show you a life of prosperity in many ways, they are sadly missing what I have found myself.

My time in the prayer closet was invaluable. As I look at houses to replace my condo, one thing is certain, I must have that space where only the Lord and I can continue our relationship of deep spiritual love.

Today I have more than a hope and future and see His plan. I still have to work at precepts and concepts of God's laws on a regular basis and the work of changing me will continue.

I literally poured myself out over the past few months: Seeing my past, realizing I could not live that way any longer. It is a very narrow road and certainly not one for the faint of heart. Refining yourself to the image God has of you is the goal.

The Lord taught me to put all of my faith in Him alone. That I can work with Him to His glory by simply reading my Bible and praying according to His word. That fighting in the flesh is a useless exercise. That can be applied not just in marriages, but in all situations and relationships. Knowing that by our faith in God we can fight in the spirit and the mind alone without a word spoken to any other person was the greatest lesson of all.

God helped me to see my past hurts. He walked me through each one of them. My adoption as a child, and my family's rejection has been the worst one of all. Then I realized that Abba was really my Father and that I can go to Him with my deep scars to be healed.

Looking back at a past full of pain is very difficult and yet it is the very thing that forms who we are. That there is a world out there who has little time for someone in pain is an area where I hope I can help others win the battle.

It really is the enemy and his co-workers who keep you stuck in those moments of heart pain. We can control that by going to God and asking Him to reveal the secrets of our pain one by one and He will faithfully process it all as we look to Him.

God is amazing. He never gave me too much at one time, and yet it was painful, but He healed the wounds. How great is our God?

It was then that I was able to see the wife that I was to be to my husband, the mother to my children and the sister to my brothers. It all had to change.

The turning point was finally letting it all go and allowing my former husband to have his experience. I have always held on literally to him when he tried to leave me. I must have let go a half a dozen times during our separation and many times when I stumbled, I received a nasty letter back. I praised the Lord even in those moments because in it I learned that praise was what was necessary to win this war, not pursuing someone who has left us. And also, to tighten up my mouth. God knew it was a weakness and set me apart from everyone until I learned that vital lesson.

My restoration began to happen one day that I was praying in my closet and mentioned to the Lord that I hadn't heard from my husband in 3 weeks and that it would be nice to receive a line of email from him. The next day he wrote a line to me. I wrote back and mentioned I was going up to a Bible camp north of here. He said in an impulse that that would make a nice trip and would I Iike him to go with me. I said yes of course and we had a lovely drive and talked, though I mostly listening to how badly his relationships with women and family had been. I stayed rather quiet and listened. Some of it was hurtful.

That day we made it to a powerful spirit filled service at the camp and one at night. We had gone for a swim in the lake and the day was perfect. That night he admitted he didn't know how this happened but God had given him insight into the work I had done just to win him back and that no one else would love him that deeply to do that. Later he said it was true what I had prayed that God gave him back 7 times the love we had when we first met. It is all so supernatural.

This Restoration Journey is the only way back to have a restored life. It is imperative that we follow the books and videos offered by this ministry—without missing a step in any of it. To read and re-read everything is vital. Taking the time and committing it to the Lord is why. I can only have gratitude in my heart for showing me the way RMI. I was lost and now am found. I recommend this to ministry everyone... Christian or not.

Today, because of what I have gone through, I am absolutely sold out to helping other women who are in marriage crisis.

In conclusion, you can fall down and get back up again and the Lord is still willing to help you. He is the finest Counselor in the world and there is no need to go elsewhere. If you have been damaged by your church or therapy as I was, it can all be mended by going through this journey that is set out in these courses and books. There is something greater than us....God!

Just to speak His name and He is there every time. Do you know anyone like that? I don't! He changed my person and my life.

~ Liana in Australia