I Should be Respected

“I thought I Should be Respected”

I discovered RMI almost 2 years ago. At that time I'd been with my husband for 8 1/2 years. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at a young age; therefore, I knew for God to bless our union we needed to be married. We already had 2 children together prior to our marriage so we were married first by a civil ceremony, then later we were married by a Christian pastor.

Looking back were always problems, but I never truly surrendered them to God. I noticed a distancing from both me and my husband soon after we were married, prior to that I felt nothing could ever separate us because we were best friends. But I also remember my mother telling me that once I was married, the devil would attack our marriage.

So, it began with us distancing, then fighting and then dis-respectfulness. That’s when my husband asked me to leave "his" house back to the U.S. I would tell him the problem was that he didn't love me anymore. I would back down, I was proud and would tell him I was not going to let him treat me badly. He’d then apologize for asking me to leave.

Then the fatal blow was when we went to a marriage counselor. Because my husband wouldn't fully open up and. e stopped going, my counselor told me I knew I needed to leave for the sake of my kids and that I also knew deep inside he was cheating on me.

I’d told her my husband had begun to lie all the time and told me I was controlling; therefore, he would no longer tell me where he was going and asked I didn't call when he was gone. Though he would always come home at night and he was always kind to the children but unfortunately one day while I was sobbing I called a Christian older lady I knew, and she told me God told her for me to leave and never come back to his country.

So since my marriage counselor told me to leave as well and because my husband was one of the most difficult cases she said she ever dealt with (she said he had no morals, that he was arrogant and liked being like that and that he was incapable of loving, and that he was also capable of physically abusing me). So, I foolishly took that as a sign. I told my husband my 2 kids and I would be traveling to the U.S. on vacation for a month or so.

When he would call me, he was very rude and cruel on the phone, he would ask when I was bringing his kids back home. I would tell him soon, maybe in a few weeks. The truth I was scared to go back home, I felt hatred from my husband and I was very depressed. Because I never sought the Lord but sought help from others. I knew nothing of what the Bible said and felt I was who should be respected.

Even before I left his country, I thought of suicide, so I was scared to go back to that.

Then, one day he said he had heart problems, but didn't want me coming unless I was bringing the kids, but because I didn’t know how to trust the Lord, I was still too afraid. I thought that if I went back, he could divorce me and keep the kids in his country.

The final tearing down of my house was when I asked if he was cheating and he said no. But because I wasn’t trusting the Lord and didn’t trust him, I looked through his phone for the first time and found a girl on his call log every night, and found their text messages. When I heard him on the phone after we had a random fight, he screamed at me in public (he had never done that before) and after much probing and crying he admitted he was cheating on me, first he told me he felt bad for her and wanted us to try working on our marriage—but the tables turned just like Erin says in her book. Soon I was crying and begging him not to leave me and the kids! I went so far as to tell him to kill me!!

Once I calmed down, he told me he it was my fault for leaving him for 8 months, and that’s when his feelings had died. He said he had become bitter but was now happy with her. He said he loved his kids and me, just not in a way a man should love a wife. He said it was over. Even though I begged and begged, he said it was over.

That’s when he proposed we stay living in the same house and that he wouldn't divorce me, which meant that I could keep his last name, but that he would never leave the other woman. The final push was when I let my flesh take over and I called the OW and even lied to my husband about how I got her phone number.

That’s when I broke down and prayed to God that He would forgive my sinning ways and for meddling in His plans. I left to a hotel for one night so my kids wouldn't see the mess I was in but mostly so I could dedicate time to seeking God and His perfect will. I returned back home, but things are awkward between my husband (we are being cordial with each other) and as soon as I surrendered my situation and life and family and husband to God He led me to you.

Two years later I emailed Restoration Fellowship, my church without walls, with this email:

I just wanted to update you on my marriage situation. As you know shortly after joining the RMI Translation Team, I took a leave of absence because I felt the Lord told me He was preparing me for the restoration of my marriage after about 2 years of struggles.

Honestly, It's been a "harder than I thought" final battle especially because I had already felt so much peace in my life since the LORD had become my center. The hardest test was last five months ago where I nearly gave it all up because I thought why keep on if my life is great with the LORD. I just don't need this restoration to be happy. However, I believed in the promises of my Lord and Savior and Heavenly Husband and the blessings I believed He had in store for my family.

A month into my last battle, and after I told the Lord I didn’t need restoration to be happy, my EH started being nicer and nicer and taking me out more. We always stayed living in the same home as he’d said we would, but this is when I noticed he no longer went out or stayed out late. Also, instead of him being upset or annoyed with me, he started being more playful and communicating with me.

Yet, the battle was far from over, near the end of the restoration month things began to get crazy. I started seeing text messages and phone calls from the OW again, so I decided (while not being emotional at all but keeping completely calm and peaceful), that I didn't want to continue in my marriage restoration journey. Of course, I went to Him many times about this and felt at total peace with my decision to only be His bride. Nevertheless, I did pray that if was His will for me to continue to stay in my marriage, to please help me see that because I didn't want it anymore.

That’s when I felt led to share this with my husband. So I approached my EH in a caring, loving and peaceful way I told him that I liked how great our relationship was but that I would like to continue my life without him as my husband. But, this letting go changed everything, the Lord is so faithful and amazing. In a very calm way, my EH told me that he was no longer with the OW and he asked what he could do. I replied, "I'm not asking you to do anything; I just like our relationship as parents just the way it is." That’s when my EH explained that he was speaking with the OW, so that she would not call him again because he didn't care about ever having any communication with her and that he would delete her number from his phone. He told me he wanted us to be at peace, and I told him we are at peace though. So he reiterated that he wanted us to be in peace but as a family together!

I now realize, that I had been praying for several months for God to let me know the relationship with the OW was over, and He was answering my prayer. I do believed He allowed this for good so I could have my confirmation and since I never dared mentioned her before because I wasn't sure if my EH still had something going on with the her. Yes, God works in mysterious ways.

Let me close by saying it's definitely true what Pastor Erin says, once we truly let go and let God have His way and complete His plan...when we are truly in the most intimate and loving relationship with the LORD and prove that He's first. When we realize we don't have to try loving and knowing Lord...it just happens...without us try, we can fall so in love with Him that nothing else matters. It’s only when we can really walk away from even praying for a restoration in our marriage...THAT’S when it just happens.

Let me say like so many others, God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

Thanks to You to God and to my Lord and to everyone at RMI for sticking by me and helping me through this process. I pray that all who approach RMI will truly find a relationship with our Heavenly Husband who longs for us and will never leave us. God bless you all!