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Rebuilding Manchester United
Attempt by Noah Solovey
Today I will attempt the impossible: To make Manchester United good. Every football fan knows how bad United is, so why not try to improve them? In this article, I am going to list every Manchester United player and either decide to keep them or replace them. Let’s see what the squad looks like after I am finished.
Andre Onana: OK, this one is very controversial. I think that Onana had a fine season besides his mistakes in the beginning. He had a tough Champions League run and has been rumored to be replaced by Alex Meret from Napoli, and I personally don’t see him doing any better. Keep him for now,
Onana Stays
Altay Bayindir: Honestly, I’ve never seen him play and I probably never will, but if Onana gets an injury this goofball is coming in and I think they need someone better, so if we look at second keepers on the market there are loads of options. But I think one with Premier League experience would be better, so how does James Trafford sound?
Replacement: James Trafford
Tom Heaton: I’ve never seen him play either and probably never will! But, he probably like most second keepers is a joy to have in the locker room so Tom can stay.
Heaton Stays
Victor Lindelof: This guy’s going to go for me. He is included in the horrible unnecessary United players conversation. When you look at potential replacements, I look in the Bundesliga at a bright Leverkusen player: Tabosa
Replacement: Tabosa
Harry Maguire: Honestly, he isn’t that bad even though he scores loads of OGs. I think after the other replacements he can drop to the bench and stay at United.
Maguire Stays
Lisandro Martinez: Sell him! He might be good, but he should definitely leave so United could get a more defensive player. I’ll go for Alejandro Balde from FC Barcelona. Balde is an exciting Spanish player.
Replacement: Alejandro Balde
Tyrell Malacia: He’s going too. He is in an injury crisis and he could be used somewhere else. How about an exciting Club Brugge kid, Tajon Buchanan?
Replacement: Tajon Buchanan
Raphael Varane: He’s going and I think United needs an experienced replacement. This sounds ridiculous but Alphonso Davies would be an amazing replacement that could highly help United in versatility.
Replacement: Alphonso Davies
Diego Dalot: This is controversial as well but I think of Premier League right-backs when I think of replacements and I think Tino Livramento would fit right into this United team and would be great for squad growth.
Replacement: TIno Livramento
Luke Shaw: On the LB market, there isn’t much, so we’ll have to look closely to find a replacement for this dumbo. I’ve recently been watching a few Brighton games and there is this amazing wonderkid named Barco, and I think United needs him.
Replacement: Valentin Barco
Aaron Wan-Bisakka: AWB is another guy who needs to go. He plays poorly every single game. I think Conor Bradley would fit his role pretty well, just United need a more experienced CB. That’s why I am going with a wild shout: Romero.
Replacement: Christian Romero
Jonny Evans: Evans is an old man who just stands on the pitch and doesn’t defend. If they want a replacement, they should go to West Ham and buy Nayef Aguerd.
Replacement: Nayef Aguerd
Willy Kambwala: He can definitely stay, I think his future holds very good things!
Kambwala Stays
Midfielders:
Sofyan Amrabat: He is a horrible DM. He is only good for Morroco and United need to look otherwhere. To replace him I am going to throw out another Bayern player, Konrad Laimer.
Replacement: Konrad Laimer
Mason Mount: Mount has to go as well, and I think we need to look back into Italy for this one. Nicolo Barella would be perfect for United and to replace Mount.
Replacement: Nicolo Barella
Bruno Fernanades: I think out of everyone in the conversation of people who have to leave Bruno sticks out most. United could make money off him, but I think he should stay. He is experienced and a leader, so United should keep him for a bit.
Fernandes Stays
Christain Eriksen: The ol’ man has to go. To replace him, they need a playmaker who is a box to box midfielder who can start and not get injured. I think Youri Tilemans matches this role perfectly.
Replacement: Youri Tilemans
Amad Diallo: Honestly, Diallo is fantastic and should definitely stay and start.
Diallo Stays
Casemiro: He is way to old and is absolutely finished. Wilfred Ndidi would be the perfect midfielder to bring energy and a defensive cover to United.
Replacement: Wilfred Ndidi
Facaundo Pellestri: He can definitely go. He is finished with his wonderkid trait and should stay at wherever he was loaned to. Replace him with Sangare from PSV. Sangare is a strong and energetic midfielder.
Replacement: Ibrahim Sangare
Kobbie Mainoo: Mainoo stays. Kobbie Mainoo is a wonderkid and if he lives up to his potential he can become one of the best in the world.
Mainoo Stays
Scott McTominay: Even though he is scoring goals for United, he is another one who can go. Replace him with Koke from Athletico Madrid and see how that goes.
Replacement: Koke
Hannibal: Joe Willock from Newcastle would be the perfect replacement for Hannibal who can stay at Sevilla. He is a box to box midfielder who has Premier league experience.
Replacement: Joe Willock
Omari Forson: Let this youngster stay. He has potential so let him live up to it. Give him time to grow.
Antony Martial: He is horrible! And when I say that I mean it! Replace him with Benjamin Sesko from Leipzig, because 1. He would be perfect for United’s playstyle and 2. He has been rumored to go to United.
Replacement: Benjamin Sesko
Marcus Rashford: Rashford, or should I say Trashford? He needs to go, and I don’t want to call his replacement a replacement because they just need a whole new player! I think Ansu Fati would be perfect in this United team.
“Replacement”: Ansu Fati
Rasmus Hojlund: He can stay. He just came so they can give him some time.
Hojlund Stays
Alejandro Garnancho: I hate to say it, but he can stay. I think he is a fine winger but needs to work on dribbling past defenders.
Garnancho Stays
Antony: He is going and all he does is spin and spin and spin. 1 assist and 1 goal. He is dreadful! Replace him with Michael Olise from Crystal Palace.
Replacement: Michael Olise
Jadon Sancho: Keep him! He is an amazing winger and without him Dortmund wouldn’t have made the UCL final!
Sancho Stays
Shola Shortire: Another Omari Forson. Keep him.
Shortire Stays.
So that means, in the end, the Manchester United team sheet looks like:
Onana
Trafford
Heaton
Tabosa
Maguire
Balde
Buchanan
Davies
Livramento
Barco
Romero
Aguerd
Kambwala
Laimer
Barella
Fernandes
Tilemans
Diallo
Ndidi
Sangare
Mainoo
Koke
Willock
Sesko
Fati
Hojlund
Garnancho
Olise
Sancho
Shoretire
How did I do?
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