Jacobis . . .

So I am slowly releasing bits of this piece because it is just too good of a rewrit-tion to release it all at once. So here's what you get... for now.

Jacobis, Herbie’s Brother

Rewriting The Satire 2 Years Later

Written By Noah Solovey, Herbie’s Cousin

-Epilogue

And I came skipping home from school, skipping home from school, skipping home from school, and I saw mother, I saw father, I saw brother, I saw sister, and I saw Herbie, the family pet. And he was thiiiiis big. The legend kept going, but eventually, Herbie would be the only one that was seen after school.  Blah!  

Camp memories have a really special place in my heart, and Herbie was forever a camp inside joke. I remember Dan The Music Man, leading all the fun camp stuff, and it was just the best. Sleepaway camp was, and has always been my happy place. One thing I love doing there is writing satires for the camp newspaper, The D’Airy. The slogan is: Where Fake News is Fun.

I’m not kidding when I say that I immediately thought I was a genius for my idea. I knew it would blow up, and I could also get interviews for it. The perfect front-page option. I was ready, and luckily I had a newspaper clinic, so I would go every day. Which would be excellent. I couldn’t wait.

I don’t want to turn this into a narrative but I want to get this straight to you. It’s a camp thing, and I’m going to write this rewriting with the same interview answers, but just reformating it. Also, I am going to put a dash for the names because I don’t have my interviewee’s approval. This article is so special to me, so I am going to include the original version from two years ago attached at the bottom of this. When you begin reading, you might notice a big monster silhouette. That was the original picture used in the Jacobis article. Also, some sentences are the same as the first one! Without further ado, let’s meet Jacobis.

Everybody in camp knows our family pet, Herbie. But do people know his secret brother, Jacobis? Well sadly, no. Jacobis, and as his scientific name reads Jacobiousfrantilacticbie, has been hiding inside the Unit D water fountain. I know your heart might be racing right now if you are a Unit D camper. You might be thinking, did I digest Jacobis? Trust me, he does not have access to the pipes and he has a safe terrarium in the fountain. And if you ever digest him, you can use the “Bubbles” technique shown later in the article. Jacobis does cause some problems because recently the fountain hasn’t been working. You know why. Jacobis might be playing tag with Herbie. Or he might be doing his daily workout - eating people. You never know what that little monster is up to. Recently, Jacobis has been spotted running around camp. I know! It sounds like Chaos! How did he escape from inside the fountain? Bunk 15 should watch out, they might see a little monster crawling out of the walls. Maybe he is trying to find his kidnapped brother, Herbie. Today, I will be investigating this crisis. The Jacobis Case. I will be asking the witnesses about the mysterious family pet.

Firstly, I interviewed - at the pool. He seemed to see a lot of suspenseful action. He said, “Jacobis is a Jacobis. Jacobis was in the shallow end of the pool, playing rebound basketball with Herbie. When the lifeguards blew the whistle, Herbie ate Jacobis! But the next morning when - came skipping down the hill, skipping down the hill he saw JT looking at Herbie, and Herbie looking at JT, and then Herbie went Blah! Then, - saw Jacobis, - and Herbie; and Herbie was thisssss big.” Extremely informal and detailed information that will help investigate this roaming case. The #1 evidence I am taking from this situation is Herbie’s appetite towards others. It now makes sense.

Secondly, I interviewed -, a very smart human at camp. He witnessed Jacobis on the village row playground. “So when I saw Jacobis on the village row playground, it looked like -. I honestly thought it was -, but in reality, it was -. - was born to be Jacobis. - – the biggest Jacobis in Camp Airy then ate Herbie for breakfast! And he became thisssssssss big. I have never seen someone who fit the qualities of a Jacobis as much as -.” This is extravagant data. - is Jacobis! So if you see - running around camp, yell “JACOBIS!” Then run as far as you can. Do not let this monster eat you under any circumstances.

Next, I thought it would be a great idea to interview the AUL of Unit D, -. He lived near the home of Jacobis.