Noah's Final PL Predictions

Noah’s Final Premier League Predictions

Written By Noah Solovey

This Premier League Season has brought it all. From twists and turns to high-scoring games and upsets, no one’s expectations haven’t been reached. We’re reaching the end of this remarkable season, so why not make one last set of predictions?

2oth-18th: Sadly Relegated:

20th: Sheffield United

Since the first matchday, Sheffield United have been nothing but horrible. I don’t think the fans will be sad to leave the Premier League. All they have done is suffer. Remember that 8-0 loss to Newcastle? That was when every Prem fan knew this team would be last by a wild margin. 

One major problem they have is a managerial flaw. Seriously, what was the expectation, to stay up? Well, Paul Heckingbottom, or as some fans called him “Paul Hecking Bottom of The League” was completely fine for a club like Sheffield United, the club decided to sack him. I honestly don’t think that’s fair at all. Yes, he had Sheffield last, but you can’t expect him to do well when there is no team project going on and nothing for him to work with. Then bringing in Chris Wilder did nothing at all, except put them in dead last.

As of 4/27/24, they have a goal differential of -63. That is one of the worst GDs in Premier League history. This club made it into the Premier League a bit too early. Maybe in the future years they can focus more on their youth development and getting transfers in that the club needs. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you have a good player in a position that the team is fine in. You need the higher-level players in the positions the team is weaker on. That’s what killed Sheffield United.

19th: Burnley FC

Burnley has been a unique addition to the Premier League competition, but they haven’t shown that they contain the skill and level it takes to be a Premier League club. Kompany had an aura of his legendary name, but if I were to give him advice I would say, “Being a manager isn’t for you.” I remember hearing a pundit say: “Vicent Kompany: Winning a game every three months has kept him in the club.” I have to say everything about that is true. 

Kompany has suffered a few major losses, but his team doesn’t dreadfully lose every game. Pulling out a tie against Man United takes a lot, and Kompany knows he has more than a 50% chance to be relegated; so Burnley will fight. But their remaining fixtures and fights won’t have the fans singing, “We’re staying up!”

18th: Nottm Forest

Forest and Luton are very neck and neck in this relegation battle. When you look at the remaining fixtures and the amount of results the two managers get, Nottm will be relegated. It will be sad for Nuno Espirito Santos, but he knows that the next season, Nottm will be going back up. 

I feel like Nottm Forest has a great project going on and they have great players with lightning speed, but I feel like they need coaches who could use these attributes to advantage and win games. I remember Man City recently playing Nottm Forest and I could admit that on another day Nottm would have crushed them. They were so fast on the break when Man City lost the ball. Overall, Nottm Forest will do great things in the future.

Getting Promoted: Leicester City (1st) Ipswich Town (2nd) Leeds United (Play Off Winners)

18th-14th: We’re Staying Up!

17th: Luton Town

Somehow, Luton will stay up. They’ve fought and fought and fought to earn results, rather than simply lucking out and getting them. I have this weird feeling that Rob Edwards will do the impossible. Doughty, Adebayor, Morris, you name it, those second-division players will be buzzing! Luton will barely stay up, and they will survive and live for another Premier League season!

Luton Town have been nothing but underdogs this season. The club stuck through the hard moments and overcame them, and they celebrated the great moments together. They will likely go down to the EFL Championship, but if they continue to fight with all their might maybe, “The Football Fairy Tell” will end happily ever after.

16th: Everton 

Everton, with 2 different point deductions, will work hard and use their young and talented squad to their advantage and earn themselves a survival spot. Sean Dyche’s management will work to their advantage and the Evertonians will bring their new stadium into next season’s league.

Everton do nothing but be together. They have never been out of the Premier League, and they work hard to keep that up. I don’t personally love Everton as a club, but Sean Dyche is an experienced manager with a project going on that will evolve into an amazing first team.

15th: Brentford FC

The bees didn’t seem to buzz all around this season. Brentford, who have been dull this entire year, will continue to be dull and earn themselves a dull position. Bryan Mbeumo has injury problems, Toney was out for most of the season, and the rest of the squad wasn’t great. They are fine and could be looking at going down in future years. 

I think that Thomas Frank is an excellent manager in general, but doesn’t match Brentford. All the players don’t seem to be in tune with him at all, and when he yells directions on the pitch everyone looks confused.

For the future, maybe Brentford could look at other managers and develop the squad a bit more to compete in the English Top Flight.

14th: Crystal Palace

Oliver Glasner will do what he was brought to Crystal Palace to do. He will keep Palace up and improve them. 14th place is not bad for a struggling club, and Palace have had their highlights of their season. Recently beating Liverpool 1-0, Palace can be dangerous, and they are a Premier League club who will live for another year.

I can see Glasner doing magical things with the club. Roy Hodgson was simply an old 79-year-old man who shouldn’t have been managing a Premier League club. Roy Hodgson might have been too old to see the goals the opposing teams scored. I bet he couldn’t even hear his assistant coach telling him tactics. A note to other clubs: make sure your manager is under the age of 70.

14th-8th: Mid-Table; No Europe

13th: Brighton Hove Albion

Rather than flying over Brighton Beach, the seagulls lost their wings and fell into the Premier League table. The glooming aura of Amex Stadium disappeared. When teams played Brighton, it was just like a normal day at the office. The managers of the opposing teams would just say, “Get the job done.” Nothing is hard about playing Brighton and they should stop getting rid of their best players.

Brighton have had their highs and lows like any other club, and with their remaining fixtures, I find it hard for them to get any better than 10th. Brighton has great players, but I think all the hype coming from last season wasn’t worth it. The De Zerbi era is over, now who?

12th: Fulham FC

I have a question for Marco Silva. Why did you bench Raul Jiminez so much? He has so much potential and he showed how good he was at Wolves, he doesn’t deserve the bench. Marco, your club has so much potential. You can’t throw your #9 up front and hope for the best. You have to be tactical too. Experiment with your squad a bit more and rotate players around, because your club has talent, and it’s your job to show it.

Fulham has been fine, but fine is not enough. Muniz was great, for sure, but the team as a whole wasn’t and that’s why they deserve mid-table.

11th: Wolverhampton Wanderers

Wolves have to live up to their name. Wolves are fierce animals. But as a club, they aren’t fierce at all. When they walk into games, they are more like worms. Squirming around the pitch not knowing what to do. If they can change this, maybe they might get European competition, we’ll have to wait and see.

Don’t get me wrong, Gary O’Neil is a prodigy. But truthfully, he had long streaks of losses, and at times his squad wasn’t a dependent Wolves team. Cunha missed a few games injured, and they lost all of their big names. Wolves are amazing and should be proud of this position.

I think they could use this season as a reflection season. They could reflect on their mistakes to improve their performance in future years.

10th: Bournemouth FC

One word: Dominic Solanke. If it wasn’t for him this club could even be relegated. Not only is he scoring decisive goals, but he’s pieced together and put everyone together as a team. Andoni Iraola was great manager-wise, but not tactic-wise. Bournemouth getting a Bournemouth position is what I predict!

I think the club has a great team and has everything it needs. Everything except composure and consistency in games. They have exciting forwards who have potential, and Iriola is a fantastic manager. It kind of seems like a puzzle where the pieces don’t fit in.

If I could walk up to Iriola I would tell him to act in the transfer market ASAP. To make the puzzle pieces fit, I think the club just needs a basic upgrade, because if they don’t sooner or later they will be relegated when they are a club that belongs to be in the English top flight.

9th: Chelsea FC

Chelsea have been horrible this season. Period. The team, or should I even say team when they don’t have any chemistry and run rampant on the pitch, lose, and then get off the pitch, has simply been carried by Cole Palmer. Chelsea would be relegated without him. They can’t beat Sheffield and Burnley. They need a rebuild.

But putting all that aside, Chelsea’s second half of the season has been fantastic. I think Pochetino is perfect! He has led them to so many wins and a Chelsea fan can’t blame him, they have to blame their injury crisis. Listen to this stat: if the season started on Boxing Day, Chelsea would be in 3rd! How crazy is that?

Next season, they can’t afford any injuries and I think the Champions League is completely possible otherwise. Nkunku is fantastic and nothing in the lineup looks shaky except for their backline. At least sometimes.

8th: West Ham United

West Ham have been great. From Kudus to Bowen, they have world-class players who drive the team forward and score goals and goals. 8th is fantastic for them, and I’m sure they will go on to be great in future seasons. Cmon Hammers!

They put up great performances versus any team, but they have their off days. They start well every season and then flunk little by little. The opposite of Chelsea! When you look at their last five games, it is a scramble of anything, (it might be loss, tie, win, tie, tie; or win, win, win, win, loss). They are an excellent club but are sometimes unpredictable.

7th-5th: Europe, Europe, Europe!

7th: Manchester United

They have been horrifying this season. From losing to terrible clubs, to players missing the net, to having a large problem between the sticks, Manchester United is another club that needs a rebuild. All they do is drop points and perform like little kids. They couldn’t beat Coventry in 90 minutes! Sack Erik Ten Hag has been unacceptable.

Ok, I am going to yap for a second. First of all, Antony is the worst player this planet has seen. He has played in just about every game this season and has gotten 1 assist and 1 goal. That is STUPID! And then when he scores, against a 2nd division club like Wigan Athletic, he celebrates like they won the World Cup! Isn’t that STUPID?

Second of all, Marcus Rashford? More like Marcus Trashford! Apart from his Manchester Derby goal what did he do? Nothing! He is now starting on the bench while Amad Diallo is getting minutes. FYI, Amad Diallo is a 21-year-old kid who barely ever plays and is slow. But yet he starts on the left wing and manages to score. Marcus Trashford can’t even do that.

Third of all, I don’t want to hear it Mark Goldbridge. Rasmus Hojund had an eight-game phase where he scored 7 goals. Then you thought he was the next Haaland. But Haaland is a good striker. Hojund is nothing but garbage. He ghosts every game and does nothing but run around like a wild moose on the pitch when he gets his undeserved playtime.

“Woohoo! We beat Brentford 2-1! Mason Mount scored!” 1. That is not an accomplishment beating a horrible club like Brentford. 2. Mason Mount is one of the worst players I’ve seen in my lifetime. 3. Just because you guys got lucky doesn’t mean your the next Real Madrid. 4. That was probably the only moment Man United celebrated.

Finally, not only are the fans crying the stadium is too because a few days ago water started leaking out of the Old Trafford roof and you guys got your own waterfall! No wonder your club is crying! I just want it to flood again at a game, that would be hilarious. I am a big Man City fan but this section of this editorial isn’t bias at all. It is just facts. Man United fans could even agree with me.

That basically means instead of Man United using their money to buy better players; if they could be any good playing for a trash club like United, you guys now have to spend your money on fixing the tears from your stadium. That must suck big time. So you may ask, what will next season bring? As an English fan would say, “Horrible playing, mate!”

I’m not going to even give United advice. It is kind of funny watching them destroy themselves.

6th: Newcastle United

Now rolling off of Manchester United dropping points like flies, Newcastle has done the same, but they have been better as a whole. The manager is fine and the players have potential, so if they use their strengths to advantage maybe they could snatch the Europa League. You never know with a club like Newcastle.

But I can say I know, myself. Newcastle might sell Bruno Gumerias this season. That’s like purposely trying to lose. Bruno Gumerias is their best player, why sell him? He never even said he wanted to go. And that leads me right into the next section of this editorial.

Newcastle is what fans consider an ‘oil club.’ The Saudis own them and the club has billions of trillions of dollars, but they don’t act like it. Instead, they waste their oil money on players like Sandro Tonali who just got banned for a whole year right after being transferred to Newcastle for betting. Why sell Gumerias when you guys don’t even need money? Newcastle are so dramatic.

What they should be doing as the richest club in the world is sacking their manager and getting a good one. And they should lighten up the squad a bit, because Tonali is a good CM, but Newcastle doesn’t need CMs. They need a back line.

5th: Tottenham Hotspur

Nothing can match the famous bottle club like barely, hanging, and then slipping past a UCL spot. They are a skillful club with amazing players in each position, and their manager has satisfied all the fans. This is great for a club that got 8th place last year, so hats off to them. Maybe they are not the bottles, that’s Manchester United.

And I am not going to give advice because it’s not like they need any. I think next year they will win a major trophy. They have everything they need. You heard it here first: Tottenham Hotspur FC will win a trophy next season.

4th-2nd: Champions League Dreamin’

4th: Aston Villa

Unai Emery masterclass. He has just made Aston Villa pop off like popcorn in a popcorn machine. Ollie Watkins, Moussa Diaby, and Douglas Luiz, all deserve this. All they do week after week is perform at their top level. Nothing can be said more about this club except for compliments. The tactics are excellent. The players; are excellent. The team; you guessed it: excellent.

Aston Villa just need to keep this momentum up. Next season they will have to focus on the UCL but still need to be the fearful team they were next season. Unai Emery did something incredible, and he will forever be an Aston Villa legend.

A club like Aston Villa doesn’t need advice, they just can go by the flow of football and know they are an excellent football club. 

3rd: Liverpool

Farewell, Klopp. Klopp will forever be a remembered legacy of Liverpool Football Club and he is one of the best managers ever to play the game. Yes, Liverpool lacks trophies, but as a club, they never walk alone. 

 Even though odds pundits had Liverpool winning the league and then out of nowhere they lost to Atlanta at Anfield 3-0 and got knocked out of the EUL, lost to Crystal Palace, then Everton, and then tied to West Ham! They are an excellent team who have what it takes to win a league title, but now Arne Slot will take on that responsibility.

Recently, we have found out Joel Matip and Thiago Alcantara are leaving the club and I feel like it leaves a bit of a gap in the club. Arne Slot needs to focus on those midfield positions because Liverpool is a perfect club everywhere except midfield.

2nd: Arsenal

Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal. They are expected to bottle it, and even if they won all their next games and Man City did too, Man City would still win the league. They have harder fixtures left so winning might not be that easy. They are an excellent club and have performed so well this season, but they are too emotional. When they lose they continue to lose, and when they win they continue to win. They have had many highlights this season- large wins to Saka starings, but I think they will miss out on the league title again.

I think part of this 2nd place streak that they are picking up is about the left side of their backline. Is it Zinchenko, Tomyaisu, or Kiwior? But no matter who they start in that LB position the strengths of Prem wingers just walk by them.

Arteta is not going to leave Arsenal without a trophy. His club has everything, from a perfect CDM to the best CBs in the league, Arsenal is complete. The day will eventually come when they win a Premier League or Champions League but all I can say is that the day is not in 2024.

1st: The Champion of England

1st: Man City

Who would it be except the infamous Man City? Winning this title would mean they would break the record for most consecutive Premier Leagues and hit 4! They have played excellently this season, and are still that world-class, possession-dominating, best club in the world to face. They even have the player of the season: Phil Foden. What. A. Team. Jeremy Doku to Haaland, everyone on Man City is just amazing. They just win, win, and win again. They will easily be the champions of the world.

I want to talk about POTS: Phil Foden. He is possibly the best young player we’ve seen in a while. He does it all. He had two Premier League hatricks this season, many braces including one in the Manchester Derby, and plenty of assists. Phil Foden is one to look out for in the future.

I also want to bring up Kevin De Bruyne. For more than half of the season, Man City missed him and they were completely fine. They even missed him and Erling Haaland but the club showed its managerial talent and its talent altogether.

I’ve heard rumors about Lucas Paqueta going to Man City and I want to say that would be perfect for the club. Not that they are missing midfielders, but Bernardo Silva will always circle back as a CM, and even Jeremy Doku is amazing, he is young and can make an impact off the bench.

All in all, Man City will win the Premier League title, and they will celebrate on and on with their amazing team.

–

After all, you never know. The Premier League is a league where twists and turns happen every game. Remember the week when both Arsenal and Liverpool dropped points by losing to Crystal Palace and Villa? That’s a great example of a tectonic shift in the Premier League. So what do you think? Who is going to be relegated? Mid-table? Email Noah Solovey