Gareth Southgate Rant

Gareth Southgate Rant

By Noah Solovey

I need you to imagine the following: An extremely dumb man who does not know what he is doing and simply has an aura that keeps him in his job. When I hear this, I think of Gareth Southgate, the England FC manager. Seriously, he is an extremely dumb man who does not know what he is doing and simply has an aura that keeps him in his job. I recently went to England and watched England VS Belgium, and I can officially state as a certified England fan how pathetic the team is. They do not know how to play football. They run around like wild ducks trying to score; it’s ridiculous. Not to leave out Lewis Dunk who got humiliated by Lukaku, yes, LUKAKU. Before England VS Belgium, the Three Lions lost to Brazil! They played horribly in this game too, allowing darn Endrick to score. A 17-YEAR-OLD YOU PLAYS FOR PAKIANTHOS! I seriously thought it was funny how England could defend if their life depended on it. It was stupid! John Stones gets injured in five minutes and Joe Gomez comes on to clown around! Moving on from the Brazil and Belgium international friendlies, there is a bigger picture to look at.

THE EURO SQUAD. This was stupid. Why is Gareth Southgate allergic to James Ward Prowse? Why? And why are you romantically obsessed with Harry Maguire? The brother sucks! And also, who in the world is ADAM WHARTON? A random 20-year-old from Crystal Palace is right. Also, Nick Pope is back why don’t you call him up he’s better than rotten Aaron Ramsdale! Oh, and not to forget CONOR GALLAGHER AND CURTIS JONES. THEY SUCK. Curtis Jones is mindless, and Conor Gallagher is a mid-table sucker! You also didn’t call up Sam Johnstone, and he deserves playtime. And let’s talk defense because you didn’t call up Colwill, one of the brightest RBs in the world right now, Ben Chilwell, honestly the MOTM in England VS Belgium, Eric Dier, who’s ripping things up in the Bundesliga, Reece James, who just came back from injury and got an assist, Rico Lewis, who is better than freaking Jarrel Quansah, Fiyako Tomori, one of the most underrated players in the Serie A, and Ben White who is one of the best Premier League defenders but obviously declined the call-up. But things don’t get any better in the midfield. Like, apart from Phillips and Mount who both suck you didn’t call up JORDAN HENDERSON AND JAMES WARD-PROWSE. THEY ARE AMAZING! And you didn’t call up Trashford because that makes sense, and everyone else kind of makes sense as well so good job over there. Next, we’re going to talk about his HORRIBLE TACTICS. #12 5/23/24 Basically, Gareth Southgate does not know how to make a lineup, nor be any bit tactical. He always relies on wingers, but is it time for him to move to wide midfielders? He relies on a middle three, but what about four in the middle? England is overloaded with midfielders. I have always thought about what it is like to be a manager- and I come up with my own formations a lot, and I have an idea. I need you to hear me out. What if England's line-up was in a 4-5-1 formation? I never really acknowledge this formation, because I think it is goofy but imagine this:

Pickford (GK)

Walker (RB)

Stones (CB)

Maguire (CB)

Trippier (LB)

Palmer, Grealish, or Trent( RM)

Bellingham, Gallagher, or Maddison (CAM)

Rice or Mainoo (CDM)

Foden or Gordon (CAM)

Saka, Rashford, or Bowen (LM)

Kane, Watkins, or Toney (ST)

Isn’t that perfect for England? It allows the midfield to intertwine with the forwards and defense, and that’s what England needs!

After all, Gareth Southgate is horrible and I hope he never steps foot in Wembley again.