Not knowing what to call it, I wake up to those feelings of dread, in a puddle of sweat, with nightmares I'm afraid to recollect.
I remember being eaten alive by my own self desires
I remember the feeling of hyperventilation
I remember being locked in a panic room, where the panic becomes organic but what can I do when the butterflies in my stomach result in sweaty palms?
I guess my only choice is to plow through it.
People keep asking why I'm so quiet and I say I’m just tired and that nothings wrong, when all along I just want to go home and be alone.
At school sometimes I'm scared, scared to succeed, I mean what if I can't keep it up?
Scared by the way I'm perceived, scared by the worst possible outcomes.
I know what I'm trying to convey but some things come out sloppy, see it's the overthinking, the self consciousness, the nervousness,the self deprecating.
I try not to be obvious, I feel terrified and paralized and yet I force a smile through all of it.
Everyday is a struggle to be ok, and I know that everyone struggles to be ok.
But school doesn't make it any better.
Senior year is here and everything is happening so fast.
Nobody sees the shackles that are so prevalent, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me, it drains the life right out of me till I can barely stand.
This is not only my issue, other people struggle with this issue as well.
remember the weights of anxiety never hiding, as you lay down hearing the rhythm of your heart beat, remember wanting to rest but this new master never lets you rest.
Remember praying to god, pleading that this feeling will go away but never getting an answer.
The silence is loud
Everyday I struggle to be ok.
This writing is about anxiety and the struggles that entails. I chose this writing because I think it's something that everyone relates to. I wanted to show my experience with anxiety. During the process of writing this poem anxiety was something I was dealing with at the time this writing was something that took me out of my comfort zone. It was the self-deprecating that inspired me to write this poem. I don't usually write about how I'm feeling so this was a new experience.
After Reading this poem, I empathize with the struggle of anxiety the author faces. As someone who can relate to how he feels, he did a good job at describing what having anxiety feels like to people who might have never experienced it. "I try not to be obvious, i feel terrified and paralyzed and yet i force a smile through it all". This line to me is my favorite because theirs this stigma that anxiety is hyperventilating and feeling like you cant breathe, which is true but most of the time you would never know someone has anxiety. People with anxiety suffer in silence.
--Leslie Figueroa