I’ve never really been the most popular kid in school. For the longest time, I felt like I was all alone, and looking back at the memories that have been made, I now realize that nothing lasts forever.
My 1st day of high school, I felt the cold gust of wind blow across my face as the doors to the front office opened. Mint smell in the air and the quiet blank faces of students and teachers staring into my soul as I feel a shiver go down my spine. You can hear the distant chatter gradually getting louder and louder as the horde of students begin to resume their conversations, and it felt as if I was a ghost. Months have gone by and still no friends, no guidance, no bright light to guide me down the correct path. The road ahead is swallowed by darkness and despair with no light in sight.
As I look back, I see how all the things that have happened were really painful, all the breakups, all the bullying, stress, all of it; I found myself falling into an infinite pit of darkness. But through all the pain and heartbreaks, I finally felt like I had stepped into the light, and no matter how hard life and others tried to pull me back, I kept walking forwards, and never looked back.
Sometimes life is tough and you can feel yourself slipping away. My coach told me, “it doesn’t matter how tragic something is, it matters how you respond to it.” I took that to heart and every time I got knocked down I landed on a puddle and I could see my reflection staring back at me with determination in my eyes, my will and mind telling me to keep fighting, to not give up and I suddenly stood up ready for the next challenge. Time won’t wait for me to grieve, cry, hurt in peace, so I must try to keep going hoping I can find something, or someone, to give my life meaning but as I stare up into the night sky, I think about the things I’ve done and wonder would happen if she never left, if I never dated those people, if I didn’t lose that glistening brightness in my eyes. As I walk through the crowded halls, their faces had gone from disgust to horrify as they became paralyzed with an overwhelming fear from gazing upon the demons that have been lingering over me, waiting for the chance to attack me when I am at my worst, the same ones that I have tried so hard to keep locked away. But I just keep moving forward in hope that that one person will look past my demons and see the person that is truly locked away. I turn around and see the endless void of all my despair, dread, happy memories, as I look down and smile, thanking them for making me into the man I am today, someone who’s cried, suffered, lived through all of that made me stronger and I look ahead as I continue to walk forward towards something. Until my final breath I will continue to fight and endure everything and even if everyone I’ve ever cared about passes or turns me away. I will always continue onward because the one person who will be with me forever, the one person I can trust more than anyone, with whom I can express my thoughts and feelings towards, is me, myself, and I.
I got inspiration for this piece from my own personal experience when I entered 9th grade for the first time. I remember the very detailed expressions and surroundings like it was just yesterday, and I feel like a lot of people can relate to my experiences of being an outcast and having no friends. It was like a new beginning, yet I was also feeling judged by everyone like I didn't belong there, and hopefully people can look at my writing and think, “I am not alone in this.”
I liked how you mentioned "that nothing ever last forever" I can relate to this because really in life stuff won't last, especially the good stuff as well. I empathize with you because you felt lonely and I felt the same way as well at one point but I told myself being this sad won't do anything but waste time and it's only temporary.
--Daniel Sorto