Just another boring day, sitting outside on my bench in my front yard where nothing happens, so much so it almost feels like time just stops. I can hear myself breathing while the wind blows in my face and the sunshine making me squint. Then right before the moment of getting up to go do something, a random ticket just appears in my hands, almost immediately after I suddenly appear in an empty subway station.
Although I didn't know where I was, in a way I was relaxed and not cautious whatsoever. I heard a train approach from a tunnel and waited pastaitly to board, almost as if I had done it a hundred times already. Eventually the front of the train passed me with a powerful wind, the wind was comparable to if gravity had shifted pulling me into the direction the train was heading. I gained my footing after a second or two and waited for the train to stop, but as I waited I noticed there was no one on the train. Then when the train came to a stop it was silent, so silent in fact I could hear the blood flow through my veins and feel the warm blood cover my body. But before I had the chance to zone out the doors suddenly slid open with welcoming music.
When I stepped inside it was freezing cold but yet comforting. I looked around and there was nobody aboard and there was only one seat inside the whole train. It seemed so ominous so I decided not to sit on it. When I looked up there was a glowing sign saying departing to the after life. At the moment I read the sign all my feelings shifted. The once relaxed sensation had rapidly turned into panicking, my mind had completely run wild with questions like am I dead? How did I get here? How did I die? Can I get out of here? After a few seconds of hyperventilating I slowly relaxed myself, and instead of running off the train I stood still, too curious to pass the opportunity to see exactly where I was going. Seconds passed by and my heart had finally stopped aching and I came to a decision to stay put, and just like that the doors closed.
I waited in the train for a while, just feeling the rumbling beneath my feet and hearing the sounds of wind being pushed by the train. I wasn't sure why this was all happening and to be honest I should have questioned it sooner, but it's too late now so why even worry about it. After what seemed like forever, the train finally reached a destination. It was an empty pitch black area with only the lights from the train being visible. It was just as I imagined the afterlife would be, no heaven or hell but instead a shallow void of nothingness. Then suddenly the train stopped with me falling to the ground barely catching myself. In a cautious manner I stood up and looked around, but nothing seemed wrong, that was until I saw something in the distance, something that resembled a human.
When I took a closer look at the figure it reminded me of a shadow, but there was a small amount of light emitting from the body, but still too blurry to tell what or who it was. After a moment of looking I finally got a good look at the face of the figure and I wish I stopped trying to figure out who it was. When I looked at the figure's face I could instantly tell it was a friend of mine who had passed away. Without second thought I tried to forcefully open the doors. I squeezed my figures through the small gap the best I could while ignoring the pain and attempted to pull the doors open, but they wouldn't budge. At this point I was in so much grief and was not planning on giving up on opening the doors by any means necessary. But eventually I slightly pried them open just enough for me to squeeze through. While pushing my body through the small gap with my skin being scraped by the doors pressing against my chest and back, all I could think about was if he remembered me. But when I tried to scream out his name, no words would come out of my mouth.
For some reason I wasn't able to say a single word out loud. Eventually I pried myself from the door and started running to my friend. As I was running I kept stumbling and had the feeling that I was being dragged down. For some reason I was being held down by some immense pressure, to the point I was brought down to my knees and didn't even have the strength to crawl. I couldn't move or speak and all I wanted to know was why. Why can't I move, why is this happening, why am I here? With all these emotions and with my friend just out of reach, I took a deep breath and screamed, “WHY!” I looked up at my friend with his attention set on me. I could finally speak so I didn’t waste my chances. I looked him in the eyes and asked “why would you do it” without a word he just stood there, “why wouldn’t you talk with me”, “I thought I was your friend, so why didn’t you talk with me!” As I was talking I started to cry, my voice had the sound of absolut defeat. After the tears fell down my face I asked questions once more, “You had a great life, a supportive family and friends who will always be there for you, not to mention you were a top student, you were great at every sport you played, so why,” and with all the power I had left I had asked, “ Why would you take your own life!”
I grew so tired, to the point where I wanted to pass out, but I was not done. I looked up and with no emotion in his eyes he said, “I don’t know.” All the sorrow that had flooded my body had suddenly turned into rage. I tried my best to get up with only the thought of punching him as hard as I could. I didn’t question why I was so upset I just let it take control of me. I tried so hard to stand up with tears and sweat pouring down my face, but before I could even get close to getting up he started to walk away. I yelled as loud as I could, “stop, I'm not done talking!” With no response he slowly disappeared into the darkness. With so much built up frustration I couldn’t think straight. Then I heard the train start up. The doors to the train opened, and a powerful force pulled me to it. I tried my best to hold on to the floor with my fingers scraping as I’m being dragged. I was Screaming “NO!” at the top of my lungs, but it was hopeless. Eventually I came crashing into the train, conveniently landing on the lonely empty seat.
With no more strength left in my body I just sat still. Eventually I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. When I opened my eyes again I was sitting outside on my bench in my front yard where nothing happens, where the wind blows in my face and the sunshine making me squint. After all that, it was just some nightmare or something, but for what reason did I experience it? There was no happy ending nor was there a lesson I learned. Just another boring day doing nothing.
I wanted to get a little personal with this writing just because I never really expreces to much emotion. This is a really touchy subject and at the time of writing this I really needed to get my mind in a good place, so the process was calm. I used a lot of sensory details and tried to give a lot of details about the setting. This piece is dedicated to my friend who passed away and I hope they rest easy.
I really liked the imagery that was used such as, "Eventually the front of the train passed me with a powerful wind, the wind was comparable to if gravity had shifted pulling me into the direction the train was heading," it really makes the reader feel like they're right next to the author. The writing piece is also very emotional towards the end, and reminds of of how much we should appreciate those who are still with us today.
--Johnny Figueroa