When I go out shopping,
I have a certain thing in mind...
I'm in and out and back again,
With the stuff I find...
No browsing for a bargain,
That could be on sale...
I'm only there to get what I want,
And then I've got to bail...
Now women on the other hand,
Like a shopping spree...
They really make a day of it,
You’d think it all was free...
No particular way of doing it,
No master plan unveiled...
I've tried to understand this mob,
But it seems that I have failed...
You start from any end of town,
No matter where you are...
As long as there is a coffee shop...
Or a sushi bar...
They wander in and out,
They never can decide...
I just sit there waiting,
On the seats outside...
Most of the time they spend hours,
And come out with not a thing at all...
Only to go back to where they started at
The first shop in the mall...
That is why when we venture out,
I join the other males...
You'll find us in the bar,
Knocking down some ales...
Take your time now dear I say,
I'll be waiting just in there...
Go and buy yourself a dress,
Or do something with your hair...
I offer this advice
To all the other men...
It’s guaranteed to save your marriage,
Every now and then…
Len Newey 2013