I went out to tea tonight,
A sophisticated place...
Where there were chandeliers,
And the curtains were made of lace...
They called you Sir and Madam,
As you entered through the door...
I felt like I was royalty,
On the guided tour...
As I sat down at the table,
I had a slight mishap...
When the waiter put a napkin...
Upon my bloody lap...
What was going on,
What sort of place was this...
He told me to relax,
It was to catch the food I’d miss...
I said I knew that,
And ordered a pot of beer...
He didn’t understand me,
And gave me a stupid sneer...
No pots in here my Sir,
Maybe a pint will do...
We have Peroni and Carlsberg,
And there’s Heineken to name a few...
We’ll I suppose Peroni is okay,
It’s all just French to me...
As long as it’s nice and cold,
That’s what it’s going to be...
The menu was the next thing,
There were more meals than the RSL...
But they were in another language,
With some names I couldn’t spell...
I settled on a steak,
No fancy name to that...
As long it’s cooked on both sides,
Make sure it was nice and fat...
Well a great night was had by all,
And the food it was really flash...
But the prices were a wrought,
It exhausted all my cash...
So I dined with the rich and famous,
It was a bit too posh for me...
A meal down at the local,
Now that’s where I’d rather be...
Len Newey 2014