I remember quite a while ago,
When I was just a kid...
We always had stacks of fun,
In everything we did...
Now it was Cracker night,
Where all kids could conspire...
This was the only time,
When you got to play with fire...
I spent my days collecting coke bottles,
Exchanging them for cash...
And now I could buy some crackers,
With what was in my stash...
At first I bought some thunders,
Penny bungers by the score...
That’s when I started to make a cracker,
That no one’s seen before...
I twisted the wicks together,
And then wrapped it up in tape...
And then around again with newspaper,
My bunger was taking shape...
It ended up as big as my fist,
A marvel to behold...
I reckon it was the biggest cracker known,
It was worth its weight in gold...
But my dreams soon would be dashed,
The old man spotted these mighty crackers...
As he yelled get rid of that bloody thing,
Or I’ll kick you in the knackers...
I was somewhat disappointed,
I almost shed a tear...
So I waited until he finally left,
And got another bright idea...
I had to be very quick,
It was right down to the wire...
So I stuffed that mighty cracker,
Inside that dummy on the fire...
Then as we sat around the fire,
Throwing our crackers in...
I was moving slowly back,
With sneaky little grin...
The old man spotted me once more,
And asked where was I going...
And I told him that it was getting hot,
From the crackers they were throwing...
It was then the dummy caught alight,
All the relatives gave a cheer...
The old man was quite impressed,
As he sat there drinking beer...
But I knew things were about to change,
As the flames were getting higher...
So I just kept on slowly moving back,
Away from that blazing fire...
And then an almighty bang,
It sent ringing in my ears...
As I looked back through all the smoke,
It was my worst felt fears...
All the relatives and family,
Were seen running everywhere...
That humongous cracker,
Blew the dummy in the air...
There was glowing embers,
Falling from the sky...
Clouds of soot and ash,
At least a mile high...
It was like a war zone,
Blackened faces and screaming kids...
The old man had me in his sights,
He wouldn’t catch me now for quid's...
I hid beneath the bushes,
It felt like half the night...
I knew when I ventured back,
My future wasn’t bright...
I still remember that flogging,
I couldn’t sit down for least a week...
And sadly no more cracker nights,
My future was so bleak...
Now and then we sit and laugh,
About that bloody night...
When I blew up the bonfire,
And everyone in sight...
Len Newey 2013