Sunday Family Humour 9th August Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

So Bad You Gotta Smile

Thanks to Carol P

You can't read these and stay in a bad mood

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's.

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick.

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.

26. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile

Blow Drying a Ripe Banana

Thanks to Francois P'

Are You Serious - Funny signs

Thanks to John C.

Are You Serious

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Veggies Pharmacy

Thanks to Francois P.

Whoever said "we are what we eat" may have been on to something important!!!

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

Please don't break this even if you only send it to one person. Look at the date when this was started. Thanks

NOTICE AT THE END, THE DATE THE CANDLE WAS STARTED..

GONNA GIVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS.

I am not going to be the one who Lets it die. I found it believable ---

This candle was lit on the September 12, 1987

Someone who loves you has helped Keep it alive by sending it to you.

Don't let The Candle of Love, Hope And Friendship die!

I received this today for the 1st time and I hope it comes back someday again.

Please keep this candle alive!

Flying the Atlantic during the 40's and 50's.

Thanks to Lee

If You Thought Air Travel Was Luxurious In The 1970s,

Check Out What It Was Like Aboard The WW2-Era Boeing Clipper

Clipper passengers took their meals at real tables, not their seats.

For most travelers in the 21st century, flying is a dreary experience, full of inconvenience, indignity, and discomfort.That wasn't the case in the late 1930s, when those with the money to afford trans-oceanic flight got to take the Boeing Model 314, better known as the Clipper.

Even Franklin Roosevelt used the plane, celebrating his 61st birthday on board.

Between 1938 and 1941, Boeing built 12 of the jumbo planes for Pan American World Airways.

The 314 offered a range of 3,500 miles — enough to cross either the Atlantic or Pacific —and room for 74 passengers onboard. Of course, modern aviation offers an amazing first class experience (and it's a whole lot safer), but nothing in the air today matches the romanticism of crossing the ocean in the famed Clipper.

The Model 314's nickname Clipper came from an especially fast type of sailing ship used in the 19th century.

The ship analogy was appropriate, as the Clipper landed on the water, not runways.

Here's a diagram of the different areas of the plane.

On overnight flights, the 74 seats could be turned into 40 bunks for comfortable sleeping.

The bunk beds came with curtains for privacy.

On the 24-hour flights across the Atlantic, crew members could conk out on these less luxurious cots.

Unlike some modern jets that come with joysticks, the Clipper had controls that resembled car steering wheels.

Navigating across the ocean used to require more manpower in the air.

The lavatory wasn't too fancy, but it did have a urinal — something you never see in today's commercial jets, where space is at a premium.

The ladies lounge had stools where female passengers could sit and do their makeup.

On Pan Am flights, passengers had access to dressing rooms and a dining salon that could be converted into a lounge or bridal suite.

The galley served up meals catered from four-star hotels.

If you want to sit at a table to eat with other people these days, you have to fly in a private jet.

There was room for a crew of 10 to serve as many as 74 passengers.

The Clipper made its maiden trans-Atlantic voyage on June 28, 1939.

But once the US entered World War II, the Clipper was pressed into service to transport materials and personnel.

In 1943, President Franklin Roosevelt celebrated his 61st birthday on board.

Iced Soap Bubbles

Thanks to Murray S.

Soap bubbles blown in freezing temperatures turn into stunning ice crystals.

* Hope Thurston Carter captured the images after blowing bubbles on several freezing days in Michigam

* Temperatures between -9 and -12C are ideal for creating the ice bubbles

In the midst of one of the most severe winters in modern American history, the 52-year-old, of Martin, Michigan, got the idea after seeing similar pictures on the internet.

'I was instantly curious and ran out and bought some bubble solution so I could try this myself,' she told Hot Spot Media.

'I found out very quickly that blowing bubbles in the winter and trying to photograph them is not as simple and easy as it looks!'

Still, weather with temperatures between -9 and -12 degrees Celsius is ideal for creating the ice bubbles.

On such a day, Hope ventures into her back garden with a bottle of bubble mixture, blows a flurry and, when one lands intact, runs to her camera to photograph it as crystals spread.

Nature's colours: Golden sunlight makes this frozen soap bubble look like a priceless artifact.

Shapes: The incredible patterns in the bubbles form as ice crystals spread across their surfaces.

Reflections: This remarkable ice bubble looks like a frozen planet hanging in starless space.

Inner glow: A mysterious-looking red light shines from within this bubble of frozen soapy water.

Golden: The play of the light through the frozen bubbles is one of the most interesting aspects of the shots.

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Potatos

Thanks to Wally

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had "eyes" for each other, And finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they Called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of tater tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would geth er into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe , Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French fries.

And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped... Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry John Motson.

John Motson! Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry John Motson because he's just

....... A COMMONTATER

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