Sunday Family Humour 8th March

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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The Age of Enlightenment

Thanks to Lee

ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA
OR ARE WE THE ONES WHO ARE AGING??
ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could order 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
“We don't have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter.
“You don't?” I replied. “We only have six, nine, or twelve,” was the reply.
“So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?”
“That's right,” said the teenager.
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable, but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any,
only Splenda and sugar.

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you
know how much this is?
I said to her, 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today. She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened

(But the lady behind me had a big smile on
her face as I left)

THREE

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card
into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy. (Keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a
distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this ?? 'Hmm, I don't know. Do you have
an alarm on your car?', I asked. 'No, just this
remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the
car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries.
It's a long way to walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.

The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now !!!

Life is tough.
It's even tougher when you're Stupid !!!
 

Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.

Don't laugh .... it is all true .......
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading
towards 70!
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run --- anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 or 5 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10 You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is just now beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.


20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Forward this to everyone you can remember right now!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

The Wonders of Technology

Thanks to Murray S.

Wonders of technology



Cool Pictures

Thanks to Steven B.

 
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Office with a View
Thanks to Murray S.

Office with a View


Australia's Wild Life

Thanks to Paula M.

Australian Wildlife 6
Australia is  home to some of the world's cutest animals, and I guarantee that you won't be able to look at these pictures without feeling a need to just say "Awww!"
We start with this kookaburra, which might be the most welcoming bird in the world.
Australia's Wildlife 1
This ringtail possum is using his mother as a cozy combination of a car and a bed.
Australia's Wildlife 2
A wombat is really just a pair of fuzzy cheeks and a lot of fur.
Australia's Wildlife 3
The Golden Brushtail Possum, or as I like to call it: the dog-cat-squirrel combo
Australia's Wildlife 4
Quokka, the happiest animal in Australia.
Australian Wildlife 5
This tiny cute little thing is a pygmy possum, and yes, they really do stay this size.
Australian wildlife 5a
Ever wonder if there is such a thing as a cute fish? Yes there is, say hello to the cuddlefish.
Australian Wildlife 7
This amazing pair of eyes is part of a spectacled flying fox,
but did you really notice anything else in the picture besides them?
Australian Wildlife 8
A baby koala sitting in a mug and eating, I have nothing more to add.
Australian Wildlife 9
I can't make up my mind if this bilby has ears that are too big or too cute.
Australian Wildlife 10
Baby kangaroos are called joeys, and this little one has just broken  his leg so he is staying in a home until he feels better, while wearing an "appropriate" baby outfit.
Australian Wildlife 11
A baby numbat who is too lazy to move both ears.
Australian Wildlife 12
He might need a diet, but I would still love to hug this Lumholtz's Tree Kangaroo.
Australian Wildlife 13
This baby Tasmanian devil will grow up to be quite the dange r
but for now he is just irresistible.
Australian Wildlife 14
The Australian masked owl is a delightful mix of serious and adorable
Australian Wildlife 15
Yellow-bellied gliders have the cutest noses you have ever seen
Australian Wildlife 16
A colorful Crimson rosella, enjoying a nice bath in the Australian heat
Australian Wildlife 17
And we end with these dingo puppies,
which for some reason look slightly concerned but it only makes them look cuter
Australian Wildlife 18

Who said men can't decorate?

Thanks to Paula M.

Who Said Men Can't Decorate



Murray's Mirth

Thanks to Murray S.

Murrays Mirth 1
 
 
Murrays Mirth 2
 
 
Murrays Mirth 3
 
Murrays Mirth 4
 
 
Murrays Mirth 5
 
Murrays Mirth 6
 
 
Murrays Mirth 7
 
Murrays Mirth 8
 
 
Murrays Mirth 9
 
Murrays Mirth 10
 
 
Murrays Mirth 11
 
Murrays Mirth 12
 
 
Murrays Mirth 13
 
Murrays Mirth 14
 
 
Murrays Mirth 15
 
Murrays Mirth 16
 
Murrays Mirth 17
 
 


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