Sunday Family Humour 27th September

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Zen Teachings

Thanks to David M.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you pass gas.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone 20 bucks and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... And most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one of them works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It's difficult only for others. It is the same when you are stupid.

Le Petit Chef

Thanks to David H.

The French Restaurant, Le Petit Chef, came up with an original way to entertain guests while waiting for their order.

Using a projector on the ceiling, and the animation on the table, there is a small chef who prepares a meal on your plate. Creative and interesting idea.

Signs Of The Times

Thanks to John C.

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Ambulance Drone

Thanks to Ray O'.

God's Plan For Ageing

Thanks to John C.

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older

9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

8 Life is sexually transmitted.

7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Breathtaking Pictures

Thanks to Bert

Michael Jackson Remix On Bottles

Thanks to Connie

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