Thanks to David H and Murray S.
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
6. You need only two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
8. Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when they're pushed down the stairs.
9. Never, under any circumstances, take a laxative and sleeping pills on the same night
Thanks to Paul S
Thanks To David M and Others
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Thanks to Paula M.
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All of the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
The women were then told to exchange their phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received in response.
Here are some of the replies: VERY ROMANTIC!
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Hey, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yes, and I love you too. What's up??
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the @#$% did you do now?
7. Don't beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
Thanks to Paula M.
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