Sunday Family Humour 6th September Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

Thanks to Johnny J.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked,

'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

>From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,

'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE ... God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'

It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too.

Christmas Catalogue 1934

Thanks to Ray O'.

Donate US dollars

Sunday Family Humour

Your Donation will be much appreciated

- thank you

Donate UK Pounds

Some of Will Rogers sayings

Thanks to David H.

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political country/cowboy sages ever known.

Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading ; the few who learn by observation; the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral : When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER ...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've travelled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

To receive the weekly link to the latest Sunday Family humour,

send an email to dgwest7@gmail.com

saying subscribe Sunday Family Humour.

No costs, nothing else needed. Welcome and thank you.

Home-made Vehicles

Thanks to Fritz

Texas, Kids and Horses

Thanks to David H.

2nd Annual Ferguson Games

Thanks to Ray O.

Runway In Sight

Thanks to David H.

1. Gisborne Airport, New Zealand

This North Island airport is one of the few in the world that has a railway line running through its runway.

Both the railway and the airport are active, so lets hope they are precise about their scheduling.

2. Juancho E. Yrausquin Airport, Saba Island

Blink and you might miss it. With only 400m in length, this Caribbean island has the shortest commercial air strip on the planet. Obviously, this tiny runway is only suitable for small aircraft.

3. Courchevel Altiport, France

This airfield high in the French Alps is a convenient yet treacherous drop-off point for wealthy skiers at the chi-chi Courchevel slopes.

In fact, there are ski runs not far from the 1,762 ft (537 m) mountaintop runway. Frequent fog, snow, ice and low clouds make it even more extreme. You'll want to make sure your small plane or helicopter pilot is well trained.

4. Don Mueang Airport, Thailand

There aren't many airports in the world that have an 18 hole golf course right amongst the runways. Fore!

5. Tenzing-Hillary Airport, Nepal

If you're planning on trekking to Mount Everest, chances are you'll arrive via this small Nepalese airport in Lukla.

It has a short runway with a 9,334 feet (2900 meter) drop off the edge. Not for the faint of heart.

6. Agatti Aerodrome, Lakshadweep, India

This 4000 feet long island runway doesn't leave much margin for error. A few more inches, and passengers are going to be swimming sooner than they bargained for.

7. Barra International Airport, Scotland

Barra International Airport, on a remote northern island in Scotland, has the only beach runway for scheduled flights in the world. At high tide, some of the runways are underwater.

8. Gibraltar International Airport

Winston Churchill Avenue, a major thoroughfare, intersects the airport runway in Gibraltar. This is one red light you don't want to run.

9. Gustaf III Airport, Saint Barthélemy

This runway is so tiny, only planes with a maximum of 20 people can land here. That helps keep St. Barts an exclusive upscale Caribbean haven for the rich and famous.

10. Kansai International Airport, Japan

With land at a premium in Japan, they decided to build this major airport on an artificial island offshore in Osaka Bay. If its ocean setting doesn't give you chills, its also regularly subjected to earthquakes, typhoons and storm surges. Oh, and the island is also sinking. This airport's construction and constant reinforcement makes it the most expensive civil works project in modern history.

11. Madeira Airport, Portugal

The previous airport on this Portuguese archipelago was notoriously challenging due to its short runway surrounded by high mountains and the ocean. So, they extended it with an impressive yet frightening platform supported by 180 columns off the edge of the land.

12. Narsarsuaq Airport, Greenland

This runway is short and sweet whether you're coming or going. It is considered one of the world's most challenging approaches. Pilots have to fly up a fjord known for its turbulence and wind gusts.

13. Savannah-Hilton Head International Airport

A pair of grave makers are embedded into Runway 10 at this airport, in remembrance to the Dotson Family who used to own the land.

One of the graves dates back to 1857. The law states that next of kin need to authorize the moving of family graves, and when they couldn't be located, the airport engineers let them be.

14. Wellington Airport, New Zealand

This airport in New Zealand's capital city has a short runway, so only smaller aircraft can land there. It's known for turbulent landings due to the channeling effect of the Cook Strait creating gusty winds.

15. Princess Juliana International Airport, Saint Maarten

This beachside airport on the Dutch side of Saint Martin is right across the street from Maho Beach. It is known for its extremely low-altitude flyover landing approach, and tourists flock here to experience the rush of the planes overhead. Definitely one of the craziest airport runways you got to see to believe.

16. Ice Camp Barneo, North Pole

This snowy strip not far from the North Pole is open for just 4 weeks per year. Built on a drifting ice base, it's a fully functional runway suitable for cargo planes like the Antonov AN-74. Perhaps Santa Claus uses it too.

Your donation will be gratefully received

UK Pounds

US dollars

Did you Enjoy This Page?

Give us a +1!