Sunday Family Humour 20th September

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Fondling

Thanks to Lee

Hotel California

Thanks to Ray O'.

Wait for the vocal guitar solo!

Six Men Beautifully Sing "Hotel California" A Capella

Six talented men sat on stage to record an epic version of "Hotel California". But they do it without a band. Their A Capella version of this famous song is completely one-of-a-kind. Their intro alone is fascinating as they create their own band, using their voices. They might just trick you as their voices create a very realistic version of the guitar, drums, and more. They even have one of their men perform what sounds like a guitar solo as the spotlight hits him in his bright red shirt and bandana.

The audience is completely stunned. He slips on his sunglasses and motions his arms to play a guitar, lighting up the stage with his passionate performance. The other five men help him out by keeping the steady beat.

Once he finishes his solo, a few of the men join him upfront and go wild with a beat-box effect. The audience can't contain themselves as their performance is lit on fire. The already loved "Hotel California" becomes even greater with this unforgettable performance. Each of the six men poured their hearts out into this song, and finishing perfectly with a loud drum beat slowing down to the best ending ever.

One Second Before

Thanks to David H.

1 SECOND BEFORE

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Gallery

Thanks to many contributors.

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Experiencing Age

Thanks to Murray S.

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. That night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know the one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Mission Impossible

Thanks to David H.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!

I’ve Learned

Thanks to Dennis L.

*I've learned .... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.*

*I've learned ... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.*

*I've learned .... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.*

*I've learned .... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.*

*I've learned .... That love, not time, heals all wounds.*

*I've learned .... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.*

*I've learned .... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.*

*I've learned .... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.*

*I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.*

*I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.*

*I've learned .... That when you harbour bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere*

*I've learned .... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.*

*I've learned .... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.*

*I've learned .... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.*

*I've learned .... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.*

*I've learned .... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.*

*I've learned .... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.*

*To all of you.... Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.*

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