Sunday Family Humour 30th August

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

The Horse Rider

Thanks to Ray O'.

A 30 year-old blonde decides to try horseback riding for the first time. With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves and as her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to

her great fortune...Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

And you thought all they did was say, "Hello".

Your Cuteness For The Day

Thanks to Bert

Your cuteness for the day

Change Course

Thanks to Brian M.

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Po TATERS

Thanks to Francois P.

Some people never seem motivated to participate,

but are just content to watch while others do the work.

They are called "Spec Taters ".

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted

at finding fault with the way others do the work.

They are called "Comment Taters"

Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what

to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.

They are called "Dick Taters".

Some people are always looking to cause problems by

asking others to agree with them.

It is too hot or too cold, too sour or to sweet.

They ?are called "Agie Taters".

There are those who say they will help, but somehow

just never get around to actually doing the promised help.

They are called "Hezzie Taters".

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be

someone they are not.

They are called "Immy Taters".

Then there are those who love others and do what they

say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever theyare doing and lend a helping hand.

They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.

They are called "Sweet Po Taters".

Believe in yourself for everyone to believe in you

Queensland Orchestra Flash Mob - The Bolero

Thanks to Ray O'.

A musical treat, a short feel good experience, from down under.

Bolero at its best!! Ravel wrote it for the world but it took the blokes from "down under" to make it such a joy to listen to.

Music is so good for the soul.....adults and children can really carry the "beat"!

This was made in Brisbane, South Bank where the Cultural Centre is, ABC Studios etc. –

in the city on the banks of the Brisbane River.

(6:01 min)

The Gospel According to St. Andrews

Thanks to Ray O'.

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across

a desk. -- Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become. This is proven by their

frequent inability to count past five. -- John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. -- Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it

is. -- Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. -- Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. -- Sam

Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. -- William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. -- Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have

to waste energy going back to pick it up. -- Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a

hole-in-one. -- Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. -- Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons. -- Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. -- Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! -- Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. -- Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. -- Jack Lemmon

17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. -- Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. -- Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. -- Jimmy DeMaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. -- Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. -- Anon

20. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. -- George Deukmejian

23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. -- Lee Trevino

24. Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken. -- Woody Woodbury

And Finally:

25. The No. 1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys and cell phone out of your golf bag before you

throw it into the creek.

100 Year Old Rolls

Thanks to Paula M.

Unique: This 100-year-old Silver Ghost Rolls-Royce has sold for a world-record price of £5million after a furious budding war at Bonhams

It manages 15 miles to the gallon and has a top speed of 60mph.

But this 100-year-old Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost has zoomed into the world record books, selling at auction for almost £5million following a fierce bidding war.

It was originally bought for £1,000 in 1912 (almost £93,000 in today’s money) but has now gone under the hammer for £4,705,500, making it the most expensive Rolls-Royce ever sold at auction.

Through the roof: The lengthy auction saw two enthusiasts duelling for the pristine car as the bidding went up in increments of £100,000, smashing past the £2million estimate

In great nick: The six-cylinder, 7.3-litre car comes with perfect provenance and is still purring smoothly, doing about 15 miles to the gallon

What it lacks in gadgetry, the British-made classic more than compensates for with an extraordinary level of luxury that leaves its modern-day counterparts looking a little unsophisticated.

Its gleaming interior fittings are made of silver and ivory, while the door panels are embroidered silk, with brocade tassels attached to silk window shades for privacy.

E PASSENGER FOOTREST HIDES A FULL PICNIC SET FOR FOUR, A CHINA TEA SERVICE, COMPLETE WITH AN ALCOHOL-FUELLED BURNER AND KETTLE TO HEAT THE WATER, AND A SET OF SIX DECANTERS – THREE IN STERLING SILVER AND THREE IN LEATHER-WRAPPED GLASS.

The sale took place at the Goodwood Festival of Speed in West Sussex on Friday. Auctioneers had expected it to sell for around £2million and were astonished when the bidding between two rival collectors topped £4million.

James Knight, from Bonhams auctioneers, said: ‘There were three bidders, then one of them dropped out at £2.3million and we thought it would end there.

Traveling in style: The design chosen by its original owner echoed the luxurious ' Pullman ' Railway carriages pioneered by American George Pullman

Luxurious: The elegant passenger compartment (left) complete with 29 bevelled glass windows and (right) the stylish steering wheel

‘But then another bidder entered and the bidders were duelling. It went up in increments of £50,000, and then £100,000, and then back down to £50,000.

‘It went on and on and on and was the longest car sale I have ever witnessed. It was pure theatre. Everyone was very respectful but when the price reached a milestone, like £3million, there was an intake of breath.

‘The bidders were duelling and when the hammer came down there was spontaneous applause.

‘It was fitting because the car is celebrating her centenary.’

The car was commissioned by Rolls-Royce connoisseur John M. Stephens, who also bought the first Silver Ghost the luxury car-maker produced in 1906. The body was built by former royal carriage-maker Barker’s of Mayfair , which had previously built coaches for King George III and Queen Victoria.

Standing the test of time: The 7.3-litre, six-cylinder engine is still purring smoothly and is capable of doing around 15 miles to the gallon

Mark of history: A plaque bearing the vehicle's chassis number of 1907

Touch of class: The original owner employed the services of the best coach-making company, Barker and Co. Ltd, to do the bodywork

Classic designs: One of the car's brake lights. The Rolls-Royce still had its headlights, carriage lights, rear lights and inflatable tyres when it went up for sale

Miniature version: The Corgi toy of the roller, pictured, is a very accurate copy of the real Silver Ghost. The real car was sold by Bonhams at the Goodwood Festival of Speed

The car even had an early speedometer – an important addition given that a 20mph speed limit was introduced in 1912.Unlike most car enthusiasts of his time, Mr Stephens, from Croydon, South London, asked the makers not to include a glass division window between the driver and the passengers as he wanted to drive it himself rather than rely on a chauffeur.

The car’s distinctive cream and green design echoed the luxury ‘Pullman’ Railway carriages of the time, and it was known as a Double Pullman Limousine.

But it was nicknamed ‘the Corgi Silver Ghost’ in the 1960s after the toy-maker based its Silver Ghost toy car on this model.

Mr Stephens’s car is believed to be the only one of its kind to survive with its full interior and bodywork, as many Rolls-Royces from the era were converted into ambulances during the First World War.

Auctioneer Bonhams said: ‘It is a statement of refinement, grace and gentility that for many defines the qualities and the Edwardian period in which Rolls-Royce established the unsurpassed reputation it still enjoys today.’

The identity of the anonymous telephone bidders has not been revealed but sadly Bonhams has confirmed the car will now be leaving Britain once more.

It left Britain in 1992 after it was bought by a US enthusiast. A Texas lawyer bought it from him in 2007 for £1.9million and kept it until 2009, when he was killed in a crash in a different car.

The Rolls was then sold once again before the latest seven-hour auction, which saw more than 80 cars go under the hammer for a combined £22million.

Astonishingly, the Silver Ghost was not the most expensive lot. That honour went to a 1929 ‘Blower’ Bentley single-seater racing car, which sold for £5,042,000, the highest price ever for a British car at auction.

In 1932, fighter pilot and Le Mans winner Sir Henry Birkin set a 137mph speed record in the Bentley, described as the Concorde of its time.

The Duke of Westminster in the driver's seat of a Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost in 1914. The Duke formed the 1st armoured division and this car was used on the Western front in the same year

A customised 1911 Silver Ghost owned by the Maharaja of Mysore

Sir John Mills is driven in a vintage Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost in 2000 during the pageant celebrating the Queen Mother's 100th birthday in Horse guards Parade, London.

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