Sunday Family Humour 4th October

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Ponderisms

Thanks to Bill S.

Can you cry under water? 


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 


Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? 


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 


Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 


What disease did cured ham actually have? 


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 



Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. 


Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? 


Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? 


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ? 


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? 


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! 


If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? 


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? 


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 


Why Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? 


Why did you just try singing the two songs above? 


Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? 


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 


I F YOU GO TO HEAVEN AND HAVE WINGS, WHAT IF YOU’RE SCARED OF HEIGHTS?


The Wedding Photographer

Thanks to David H.

The Wedding Photographer

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The Bright Side Of Things

Thanks to Paula M.

Bright Side Of Things 1


Bright Side Of Things 2

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Bright Side Of Things 5

Bright Side Of Things 5


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Bright Side Of Things 12

Bright Side Of Things 13


Bright Side Of Things 14


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Amazing Britain's Got Talent Act

Thanks to Paul S.

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Amazing Britain's Got Talent Act


















Aunty Acid Mug Shots

Thanks to Ray O'.
Aunty Acid 1


Aunty Acid 2

Aunty Acid 3


Aunty Acid 4

Aunty Acid 5


Aunty Acid 6

Aunty Acid 7


Aunty Acid 8

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Aunty Acid 12

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Aunty Acid 14

 
Aunty Acid 15
  
Aunty Acid 16


Jazz For Cows

Thanks to Bryan W.

Brigham Young University music professor Steve Call was touring the French countryside with his jazz band called The New Hot 5. They were outside a restaurant in Autrans, standing near a field when Call noticed a group of curious cows.Call grew up on a farm in Brigham City and he was amazed by the beauty of those French cows. So he picked up his tuba and started playing.The cows started moving near the fence, lining up one by one to hear the music. The rest of the band joined in until it turned into a full concert for the cows.Call's son recorded it on a video camera and later put it on YouTube. It instantly became a viral video with more than 800,000 hits so far. The video has been shown by news stations around the world.Call hopes all the attention the group is getting from the "Jazz for Cows" video will eventually

 help them get invitations to future music festivals around the world.

Jazz For Cows

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Home Schooled

Thanks to Bill S.

Everybody over 50 was home schooled!
 
Most of our generation 50+ was HOME SCHOOLED in so many ways. 

1. My mother taught me 
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning." 
 
2. My mother taught me 
RELIGION. 
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 

3. My father taught me about 
TIME TRAVEL. 
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 
 
4. My father taught me 
LOGIC. 
"Because I said so, that's why." 

5. My mother taught me 
MORE LOGIC. 
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 
 
6. My mother taught me 
FORESIGHT. 
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 

7. My father taught me
 IRONY. 
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 
 
8. My mother taught me about the science of 
OSMOSIS . 
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 

9. My mother taught me about 
CONTORTIONISM. 
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 
 
10. My mother taught me about 
STAMINA. 
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 

11. My mother taught me about 
WEATHER. 
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 
 
12. My mother taught me about 
HYPOCRISY. 
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!" 

13. My father taught me the 
CIRCLE OF LIFE. 
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..." 
 
14. My mother taught me about 
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .   
"Stop acting like your father!" 

15. My mother taught me about 
ENVY. 
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 
 
16. My mother taught me about 
ANTICIPATION. 
"Just wait until we get home." 

17. My mother taught me about 
RECEIVING. 
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!" 
 
18. My mother taught me 
MEDICAL SCIENCE. 
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 

19. My mother taught me 
ESP. 
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 
 
20. My father taught me 
HUMOUR. 
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 

21. My mother taught me 
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .   
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 
 
22. My mother taught me 
GENETICS. 
"You're just like your father." 

23. My mother taught me about my 
ROOTS. 
"Shut that door behind you, do you think you were born in a barn?" 
 
24. My mother taught me 
WISDOM. 
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand. 

25. My father taught me about 
JUSTICE. 
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" 
 

This was only sent to the over 50 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT"   words by our parents.


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