Interesting Articles and Videos 11th October

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The Reality Salesman Calls

...For a moment, a person sees beyond the picture of accepted reality. He sees huge open space. He knows he can act on the basis of an inner leverage. He knows he has great power.

And then...

THE REALITY SALESMAN CALLS.

Step up, folks. This is a deal you can't afford to miss. You know that thing you cling to like a drowning man in a turbulent sea?

It's called reality, and I represent the company that manufactures it. I'm proud to say I've held this job for over a hundred thousand years. So as far as product knowledge is concerned, you just aren't going to find anybody like me.

I'm here to tell you that reality is never anything more than rocks and bricks and concrete and steel. Reality is never anything more than a house and all the things in it, and the mementos you hold on to, to remind you of the past.

And in conjunction with that, I'm really selling...guess what?

A little thing called perception.

I'm selling How You See Things.

Because, no matter what time period you live in, it all comes down to that: how you see what's in front of you.

And believe it or not, perception comes in different forms. My company makes the perception that endures. It's the package you're living with right now. It's the down-to-earth here-it-is straight-ahead common-sense type. We call it: IT IS WHAT IT IS. That's trademarked, by the way. IISWII. It is what it is.

IISWII was invented by a very smart guy whose name has been long forgotten. He was a flaming genius, and he realized something great. People would go for IISWII because it would lock them in.

Who wants to wake up on a Tuesday morning and suddenly see life in a completely different way?

IISWII is the most popular perception package in the universe, bar none. It has Reliability. Consistency.

All those centuries and epochs ago, when I was a rookie training for this job, the guys let me try on a whole bunch of different perception packages, so I could see what kind of competition I was up against.

I saw foolish things, ridiculous things, dangerous things. But when I was given IISWII, our product, I felt like I was home.

IISWII gives you a stability you can count on for your whole life. And, believe me, that's no small feat.

IISWII is time-tested. It's as solid as solid can be. It doesn't break down.

But it does need vaccine boosters from time to time, and that's why I'm here today talking to you.

Every twenty thousand years, we institute a planet-wide upgrade, just to make sure nothing goes wrong. And you're all due.

Now, you could refuse, in which case you'll have to take full responsibility for the ugly consequences, or you could do the right thing and just re-up. I have to tell you, our re-up rate is 99.859 percent. I'm proud of that figure.

In the small print, the contract lays out a few details concerning IMAGINATION. This is for your own protection---because if you take imagination too far (and who knows how far that is, until it's too late), you'll set up what we call an interference field, which means IISWII will tend to malfunction. You don't want that.

So here's the contract. Sign on the dotted line, and we're done.

Thank you very much.

I love you guys. Really, I do. I admire your tenacity and your willingness to stay with our package. Our company continues to prosper because of you.

THE PLEDGE: "I promise not to mess with the perception package. If I believe someone is operating outside the boundaries of the package, I will shun him. I will turn him in to the authorities. If I myself stray, I will confess and receive treatment. All hail to the IISWII perception package!"

The reality salesman knows what he's doing. He makes a very good living. Secretly, he knows our perception of our own lives and futures is grossly limited by his product, just as our eyes can only see part of the light spectrum. He is aware of this.

He's selling limitation.

It's a winner.

Unless you happen to be part of the 1%. No, I don't mean the super-wealthy class. I mean the 1% of the population who doesn't want limitation of perception. I mean the people who want to see beyond the virtual bubble they live in:

The creators, the artists, the inventors, the explorers, who don't sign on the dotted line when the reality salesman makes a house call.

(Part 2 of the story, continues here.)

5 Most Powerful Families Secretly Control The World

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How Accepting Anxiety Can Lead to Peace

By Stephanie Nelson

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

My unwillingness to accept my anxiety disorder (there, I said it; I have a disorder) results in panic.

It results in waking up at night, heart racing, body tingling and trembling.

It results in driving down the road in a thunderstorm thinking I am having a heart attack—but I just keep driving and talking to my beloved on the phone because “if I can just keep driving away from it, it will be okay.”

Instead of accepting anxiety as a family member of sorts, I resist and resent her visits. She’s always forced into drastic measures to get my attention.

When the panic and physical symptoms of anxiety start, I assign it to something else.

My heart races and I must have a heart condition. I’m dizzy and I must have a neurological condition. If it’s not me I assign it to, it’s my children. My son has a horrible bruise; it must be Leukemia. Life is too good; something awful is going to happen to someone I love.

It always happens just like this, I’ve realized recently.

Anxiety shows up over and over the course of my lifetime, yet my expectation is that it won’t.

Instead, I expect that I will always be happy, stress-free, compassionate toward others (but not myself), kind, thoughtful, smart, successful, fit, skinny, wrinkle-free—the list of things I “should” be goes on for miles. That word, “should,” is something that I need to eliminate from my vocabulary.

I convince myself that anxiety can’t be the cause of these physical symptoms, because that would mean that I am something less than happy.

Ah, there it is. Feelings other than happiness are bad, and I should (there’s that word again) be happy all the time; so therefore, if I’m not happy, I’m not perfect and I’m a failure. See how that works?

Yeah, I see how irrational, uncompassionate, and unforgiving that is when it’s on paper, which is one reason I’m writing this. The other reason is because I realized I’m not being true to who I am without accepting this part of me.

People who know me describe me as an open book. I would have described myself that way until recently.

This is a part of me that I’ve hidden for years. I tuck anxiety away like that black sheep of the family and make sure no one, not even those closest to me, know her.

I’ve been ashamed of my anxiety and I’ve realized that all along that black sheep family member just needed me to accept her.

To sit with her and maybe give her a hug and say, “I see you. I know you’ve visited before. Feeling something other than ‘perfectly happy’ is a normal part of life and I should expect to feel anxious, worried, upset, or even sad sometimes. You’re here to help me figure out what feeling is really behind this anxiety and what actions I can take to feel better.”

Recently, my children went out of state with their father for a week. This was the first time I had been that far away from them for that long.

Every day I would wake with a jolt, heart beating fast, wondering why I felt so anxious. I finally realized that being away from my children and worrying about their safety was causing these feelings of panic.

After recognizing this, I decided to focus on the fun things they were doing every day and how this trip would provide them great memories for many years to come instead of thinking about all of the “what-ifs” associated with their trip.

I see this recent epiphany as progress in my lifelong journey of self-acceptance.

I am going to try hard to see anxiety as the gift she is, because every time she leaves, I’m a little more enlightened. I feel more capable of managing my anxiety and I realize that I am in control of my thoughts, not the other way around.

I am able to be more compassionate to others when they are feeling less than “perfectly happy.” I’m able to dig a little deeper into what is causing my anxiety versus denying I have it at all.

When I do that, I can develop a plan, which either addresses any legitimate concerns or dispels any irrational ones. It’s a lot easier than continuing along just being a victim of my own thoughts.

The next time anxiety shows up, I’m going to try to embrace her visit so she doesn’t have to go to such drastic lengths to be seen and heard. I’ll simply say, “Oh, it’s you again. Come on in and sit a spell. We have work to do.”

If you also have a family member named anxiety that’s visiting you more often than you would like, sit with her for a while. Think about why she’s there. What are your anxious thoughts?

Write down any irrational, anxious, or self-defeating thoughts on one side of a piece of paper. On the opposite side, list any actual evidence that the thought is true.

An example for me would be “I’m a weak person because I have anxiety.” To challenge that thought is easy—I can list 100 examples of how I am not weak, and have a hard time coming up with even one that proves my thought is true.

Most of the time writing it down takes away the power of the thought and brings some clarity. If you do have a thought that’s true, figure out some steps you can take to address it. Put yourself back in control. Try it the next time anxiety visits and see if it shortens her stay.

How to Meet Your Needs and Make Others Happy at the Same Time

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ~Buddha

We all want to be liked. It’s programmed into our DNA and throughout our lives the message is drummed into us loud and clear: put other people first, don’t blow your own horn, and above all, never be selfish.

Our society conditions us to tend to everybody else’s needs while ignoring our own, as if this is somehow a virtuous and noble vocation.

But what if I told you that you could take care of your own needs as well as the needs of others and be happy at the same time?

“Me” Is Not a Dirty Word

Most people confuse self-care with selfishness. The fact of the matter is that you are no use to anybody else if you don’t take care of your own needs first.

If you have spent your whole life saying yes when you want to say no, never asking for what you want, or constantly avoiding conflict, what I’m about to say may come as a shock to you:

The sky doesn’t fall in when you set boundaries.

You don’t always have to be the easy-going, laid back one. You can express your preferences, disagree with another person’s point of view, or decline a social invitation without getting anybody’s nose out of joint; and you can do this in an easy, open respectful manner.

Instead of saying nothing or flying into a rage when something doesn’t sit right with you, you can choose the middle way—being assertive. Assertive communication sends the message: “I respect you and I respect myself.”

It’s also a healthy way to communicate because if you ignore your own needs and stuff down your negative emotions, they will only come back to bite you later on.

I’m not saying you should go on a rampage of self-indulgence and narcissism. Instead, ask yourself “how can we both win in this situation?” For example, let’s say you always let your friend pick the movie when you go out.

Next time you could say, “Actually, I’d really like to see this movie instead. How about next time you get to choose what we see?”

A happy life has a healthy balance of giving and receiving. Creating that balance starts with believing that you deserve to be as happy as those around you.

We Teach People How To Treat Us

When I was seven years old I was acutely aware of the pecking order in my class. There was the ever coveted popular group…and then there was me.

I wanted so much for the cool kids to like me that I would do almost anything for them. One of the popular girls lived around the corner from me, so on weekends we would play together. When we were alone she was very nice to me and we got along famously.

But as soon as we were at school she would suddenly switch, excluding me from her games, making fun of me in front of others, and being really cruel to me.

One day I had just received a beautiful set of coloured crayons for my birthday, which I was using during drawing class. This girl asked me if she could use my crayons. After some consideration, I said “Yes, but only if you will be my friend.”

She said, “Sure I’ll be your friend.” In good faith I allowed her to share my crayons, truly believing that she would keep her word. Alas, the moment drawing class finished she returned to her old bullying behaviour and I was left feeling angry, sad, and confused.

I learned a very important lesson on that day: if you’re nice to other people they’re not necessarily going to be nice to you in return.

The lesson I didn’t learn from that day (a lesson that would continually be thrown at me for many years to come) was that we teach people how to treat us. I was the one who was allowing this girl to bully me and use me; and only I could change that situation.

Unfortunately, as the years went by I continued to allow myself to be mistreated by friends, co-workers, and boyfriends, all because I just wanted them to like me.

The real problem was that I didn’t like myself. Then finally one day the penny dropped. How could I possible expect other people to respect me if I had no respect for myself?

From that moment onward I stopped handing out crayons to just anybody. I ditched the “frenemies” and opened up space to attract the kind of people I really wanted in my life.

Nowadays those who have the privilege of my friendship have to earn it through trust, respect, integrity, and congruence between actions and words. And I don’t mind telling you I have a pretty great bunch of people in my corner.

How to Set Boundaries

If you’re used to doing anything to avoid rocking the boat, setting boundaries can be a bit scary at first. But trust me, once you start it will become easier with time and practice.

It’s not about stepping on anybody’s toes or being aggressive. You are simply creating the habit of respecting your own needs as well as those of other people so that everybody wins sometimes.

Start with baby steps. Pick your battles and listen to your gut along the way. For example, if you’re used to saying yes all the time, try saying yes only 50 percent of the time.

Other ways you can be assertive are:

Say no when a friend asks you for a favor without feeling obliged to constantly apologize
Don’t volunteer to do something just because you think you “should”
Voice your preferences when choosing dinner, movies or other activities in a group
Express your opinion respectfully in an even tone without raising your voice

Happy people make other people happy. When you are getting your needs met, your loved ones will also benefit from this.

As a visitor on this planet you have as much right to happiness as anybody else. So if you want to be happy, choose the middle way. Respect yourself as well as those around you, and when you spread the love around make sure you have some left over for yourself.