Sunday Family Humour 29th November

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Stuff You Didn't Know

Thanks to Paula M.
Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.

--------- --------- ---------
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
--------- --------- ---------
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
 
Alaska

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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness:
28%

The percentage of North America that is wilderness:
38%
--------- --- ------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S.
in any given hour: 
61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile
National Monuments. 

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Each king in a deck  of playing cards represents a great king from history:
 
Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs - Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
------ --- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,
John Hancock and Charles Thomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
 

A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats.
What is the most popular boat name requested?

A.
Obsession

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers ,
how far would you have to go until you   would find the letter 'A'?
 
A. One thousand
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes,
windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
 
A. All were invented by women.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
 
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls
than any other day of the year? 
 
A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time,
mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.  Hence, the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
 --------- --------- --------- ---------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply
his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and, because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month,
which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' . . .
 
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups.
When they needed a refill , they used the whistle to get some service.  'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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At least 75% of
people who read this will try
to lick their elbow!
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING
IN 2015when...
 
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
 
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 
 
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 
 
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 
 
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
 
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries... 
 
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone,
which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic, and you turn around to go and get it .
 
10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee. 
 
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
 
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 
 
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 
 
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
 
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list .
 
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 
 
NOW you're LAUGHING at yourself!
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused!"  (Unknown Author)


Puppet Convincingly Sings Lucille

Thanks to Paranormal Research

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Puppet Convincingly Sings Lucille











David M's Gallery

Thanks to David M. and Doug
 
David M 1
   
David M 2

 
David M 3
   
David M 4


 
David M 5
   
David M 6

 
David M 7
   
David M 8

 
David M 9
   
David M 9

 
David M 11
   
David M 12

 
David M 13
   
David M 14

 
David M 15
   
David M 16



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My Kind Of Music

Glenn Miller - In The Mood
Thanks to Wally

This Glenn Miller 1939 recording was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1983.The song even appeared in The Beatles “All You Need is Love” #1 single in 1967 and in the Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers rendition in 1989, “Swing the Mood”, a worldwide hit.

Glenn Miller (March 1, 1904 — missing in action December 15, 1944) was an American big band musician, arranger, composer, and bandleader in the swing era. Miller’s notable recordings include “Moonlight Serenade”, “Pennsylvania 6-5000”, “Chattanooga Choo Choo”,

The recording ‘In The Mood’ by Glenn Miller is one of the most recognized and most popular instrumentals of the 20th century. Read more at http://1funny.com/in-the-mood-glenn-miller/#RMGrjSKApYHk6629.99

YouTube Video

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Well-Explained Photos

Thanks to John C.

Well explained photos


Matt Franco's Magical Return

Thanks to David M.

A good magician is the master of sleight of hand and distraction while having a charismatic personality. However, a master magician can do all of that, plus show you something you haven't seen before. This magician may seem like the worst you've seen, but that is all an act...

YouTube Video

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1960's Hits Renamed

Thanks to David H.

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday. 

They include:

Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

Sixties songs 1

Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

Sixties songs 2
 

Ringo Starr --- 
I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

Sixties songs 3 depends
Sixties songs 3


The Bee Gees --- 
How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

Sixties songs 4
 
Roberta Flack--- 

The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face 

Sixties songs 5
Sixties songs 5a
? 

  Johnny Nash --- 
I Can't See Clearly Now

sixties clear

Paul Simon---

Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

Sixties songs 6

The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

Sixties songs 7

 Procol Harem--- 
A Whiter Shade Of Hair 

Sixties songs 8 

Leo Sayer --- 
You Make Me Feel Like Napping

Sixties songs 9

 The Temptations --- 
Papa's Got A Kidney Stone

Sixties songs 10

 Abba---
Denture Queen 

Sixties songs 11

 Tony Orlando --- 
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

sixties 12

Helen Reddy --- 
I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore 

Sixties songs 13

 Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To

Sixties songs 14

And Lastbut NOT least: 

 Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again

Sixties songs 15

 Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day.


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