JOKES 2600 TO 2699

2600. How do you know when you have received a fax from someone who is not very bright? It will have a stamp on!

2601. Four things which brings tears to the eye: Broken Love. Separated Friendship. Death. Onion!

2602. Sometimes small things in life hurt a lot. If you don't agree with what I say, try sitting on a pin!

2603. God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested!

2604. Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains. Rest has Girlfriends!

2605. If there is nothing in life, it will be BORING. If there is nothing on the head, it will be GLARING!

2606. Even though your cell phone is costly, has sms, mms, camera and 3g, you can only Forward text messages; you cannot Rewind them!

2607. Question: “When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE?” Answer: “On their MARRIAGE!”

2608. What’s the difference between arranged and love marriage? Love marriage is impulsive suicide. Arranged marriage is planned murder!

2609. As Years go, you may lose your hair, teeth and eye sight. But not your talent, smartness, brightness and intelligence because you can lose only what u have!

2610. How do you scold a watchman? Gate-out!

2611. How much ever your girlfriend is fair and white; her shadow will only be black!

2612. How much ever your foot runs fast in a running race, only your hands will get the prize!

2613. Interesting questions: 1. Can u Cry Under Water...? 2. Do Fish Ever Get Thirty...? 3. Why do you call a Male, Ladybird...? 4. Why is it called building when it’s already built...? 5. When They Say Dog Food Is New and improved in taste, Who Tastes it...? 7. If money doesn't grow on tree, then why banks have Branches...? 8. Why Does a Round Pizza Come in a Square Box...?

2614. Question: “How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?” Answer: “With their eyes shut!”

2615. Question: “What kind of food do math’s teachers eat?” Answer: “Square meals!”

2616. Question: “Where did all the cuts and blood come from?” Answer: “The school went on a trip!”

2617. Question: “What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?” Answer: “Lots of blood tests!”

2618. Question: “Do you know the time?” Answer: “No, we haven't met yet!”

2619. Question: “Why did the child study in the aeroplane?” Answer: “He wanted a higher education!”

2620. Question: “How did the telephones get married?” Answer: “In a double ring ceremony!”

2621. Question: “What button won't you find in a tailor's shop?” Answer: “A Belly button!”

2622. Question: “Were you long in the hospital?” Answer: “No, I was the same size that I am now!”

2623. Question: “When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?” Answer: “Because there are no pupils to see!”

2624. Question: “Why did the silly kid stand on his head?” Answer: “His feet were tired!”

2625. Question: “What is the best day of the week to sleep?” Answer: “Snooze-day!”

2626. Question: “How do you prevent a Summer cold?” Answer: “Catch it in the Winter!”

2627. Question: “Where do you find a no legged dog?” Answer: “Right where you left him!”

2628. Question: How do baseball players stay cool? Answer: Sit next to their fans!

2629. Question: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? Answer: So he could tie the score!

2630. Question: Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Answer: Because you dribble on the floor!

2631. What do you call a skydiver with no girlfriend? Homeless!

2632. What's the difference between God and Skydivers? God does not think he is a SKYDIVER!

2633. What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team? A new version of the Lawn Darts game!

2634. What kind of crazy bird yells "Polly wants a cracker" when he jumps from an airplane? A parrot trooper!

2635. What do you call a skydiver with no arms and no legs?? Give up?.....It's Mark! And what was the name of his dog?? It's Spot!

2636. Why do birds sing? They don't have to pack when they've landed!

2637. What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? Monday!

2638. What's the difference between a skydiver and a golfer? A golfer goes "[WHACK] ... Oh shit!" A skydiver goes "Oh shit! ... [WHACK]"!

2639. How can you tell a good 4-way team from a bad 4-way team? A good 4-way team going in sounds like "[WHACK]"! A bad 4-way team goes "[WHACK] ... [WHACK][WHACK] ... [WHACK]"!

2640. Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second? Because you have a short stop between second and third.

2641. What’s the best thing about dating homeless girls? You can drop them off anywhere!

2642. ROMANCE MATHEMATICS: Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy!

2643. SHOPPING MATH: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need!

2644. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!

2645. What are the two best things about Amnesia? 1. You meet a new person every day 2. You can hide your own eastern eggs!

2646. Have you heard about the new Helen Keller doll? Wind it up and it walks into walls!

2647. Your daddy is so stupid he took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept!

2648. You are so poor when I walked into your house and lit a match everyone including the roaches started singing, “Clap you hands, stomp you feet, praise the lord because we got some heat!"

2649. In a limo there was: Britney, Shaggy, Craig David. Someone farted. Shaggy sang: “It wasn't me.” Craig David sang: "I m walking away." Britney sang: "Oops, I did it again!" Next day in the limo, there was a worse fart! Shaggy sang: “It wasn't me.” Craig David sang: “I m walking away.” Britney sang: "Stronger than yesterday!"

2650. Your nose is so big that only date you could get was with an ant eater!

2651. Question: Why do black people always die in the war first? Answer: Because when they are told to get down they dance!

2652. Question: How do you know when you're REALLY ugly? Answer: Your dog humps your leg with it's eyes closed!

2653. What do Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common? There both black people with white faces!

2654. What driver doesn't have a license? A screwdriver.

2655. Why do statues and paintings of George Washington always show him standing? Because he would never lie.

2656. What has a neck, but no head? A Bottle.

2657. What has one foot on each side and one in the middle? A Yardstick.

2658. What did the guitar say to the rock star? Quit Picking on me.

2659. What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the beach? Sandy Claws.

2660. What kind of can never need a can opener? A Pelican.

2661. Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where? In a dictionary.

2662. How do you avoid falling hair? Step out of the way.

2663. Why did the doctor switch jobs? He lost his patients!

2664. What has 10 legs and drools? Quintuplets.

2665. Where do old bowling balls end up? In the gutter.

2666. What did one scale say to the other scale? You have a way about you!

2667. Did you ever see the salad dressing? No, but I saw the bacon strip!

2668. What did the mayonnaise say to the mustard? Close the door, I am dressing!

2669. Why did the clock get sick? It was run down.

2670. Why did the tree see the dentist? To get a root canal.

2671. How do prevent a summer cold? Catch it in the winter.

2672. What do mechanics charge to fix tires? A flat rate.

2673. Why did you get rid of your watchdog? He could not tell time.

2674. Why did Johnny toss a glass of water out the window? He wanted to see a water fall.

2675. What paper makes you itch? Scratch paper.

2676. What never gets any wetter no matter how hard it rains? The Ocean.

2677. What person is always in a hurry? One who is Russian.

2678. What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner.

2679. Who always goes to bed with shoes on? A horse.

2680. What is the first thing you do every morning? Wake up.

2681. If a child is spanked by his mother and by his father, who hurts the most? Probably the child.

2682. What do people make that nobody can ever see? Noise.

2683. What kind of table has no legs? Multiplication table.

2684. What did the dog say to the little child pulling his tail? That is the end of me!

2685. What happens to the duck who flies upside down? He quacks up!

2686. What horse never goes out in the day time? A night mare.

2687. Where do animals go when they lose their tails? To a retail store.

2688. Why don't pigs drive cars? They would become roads hogs.

2689. What is the smartest kind of bee? A spelling bee.

2690. What is a mosquito's favorite sport? Skin diving.

2691. How do you fix a broken gorilla? With a monkey wrench.

2692. What is the best year for a kangaroo? Leap year.

2693. Why did the police arrest the bird? Because he was a robin.

2694. Who designed Noah's ark? An ark-itect.

2695. Why was the pig thrown out of the football game? For playing dirty.

2696. What kind of food does a race horse eat? Fast food.

2697. What is a snake's favorite ice cream? Hiss-tachio.

2698. How do you know when the fish is fresh? When they bite your fingers.

2699. What happened when the centipede broke all his feet? He did not have a leg to stand on.