JOKES 2400 TO 2499

2400. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

2401. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

2402. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

2403. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

2404. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

2405. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

2406. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

2407. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells... 'THEIRS'? 2408. Question: Name two things that can never be eaten for breakfast? Answer: Lunch and Dinner!

2409. Question: If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it. What is it? Answer: A secret!

2410. Question: What stays in bed most of the day and will sometimes go to the bank? Answer: A stream!

2411. Question: What has to be broken before it can be used? Answer: An egg!

2412. My girlfriend is not very clever. Only the other day, she climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side!

2413.When a man opens a car door for his wife, it is either because the car is new. Or the wife is!

2414. Married men should always forget their mistakes. Why? Well, there is no need for two people to remember the same thing!

2415. Why was the computer really tired when it got home? Because it had a hard drive!

2416. Question: What would you get if you were to cross a dog with a telephone? Answer: A Golden Receiver!

2417. Question: What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper? Answer: That’s Rough!

2418. Question: How did the farmer count his herd of cows? Answer: With a Cowculator!

2419. Question: What is a cow's favourite musical note? Answer: Beef-flat!

2420. Question: What is a cats favourite breakfast cereal? Answer: Mice Krispies!

2421. Question: Why did the chicken only cross the road halfway? Answer: She wanted to lay it on the line!

2422. Question: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Answer: It heard the referee calling fowls!

2423. Question: Why did the chicken cross the playground? Answer: To get to the other slide!

2424. Question: What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken And A Pit Bull? Answer: Just The Pit Bull!

2425. Where can we find a sea without water and earth without people? On the map!

2426. Which is the laziest mountain? EVE’REST’!

2427. A thing has a spark at one end and a fool at the other. What is it? Cigarette!

2428. What do you need to become a successful Photographer? Talent or Luck? None of them! You need a Camera!

2429. Can you spell "COW" in thirteen letters? “SEE O DOUBLE YOU!”

2430. “Where do you find a one legged cow?” “Where ever you left it!”

2431. “What's the reason for the stoplight turning red?” “Wouldn't you if you had to change in the middle of the street!?”

2432. “What's the name for a boom-a-rang, that doesn't come back at you?” “A Stick!”

2433. “Do you know why a room full of married people looks so empty and deserted?” “There's not even a "Single person" in it!”

2434. “In what way are chopped mutton and pea soup different?” ”You chop mutton, but can you pea soup!?”

2435. “What's the name for a charismatic at an auction?” “Broke!”

2436. “Do you know anything about the dyslexic agnostic schizophrenic?” “She was in two minds as to whether there's a dog!”

2437. “In what way are a woman and a magnet different?” “Magnets have a positive side!”

2438. Question: What gives milk but has only one horn? Answer: A Milk Van!

2439. Why are goods carried in a ship is called 'Cargo' while goods carried in a car is called 'Shipment'!?

2440. I have had two unlucky marriages. My first wife ran away with another guy. My second wife didn’t!

2441. Why shouldn’t you say a secret in a farm? Because potatoes have eyes, corns have ears and Beans’ talks!

2442. Question: “Why do most married men die before their wives?” Answer: “Because they want to!”

2443. Question: “What do diapers and Politicians have in common?” Answer: “They both need to be changed regularly - for exactly the same reason!”

2444. Question: “What is the definition of the early evening news?” Answer: “It starts with words, "Good evening" then spends the next half an hour telling you why it isn't one!”

2445. Question: “What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time?” Answer: “Your shinbone!”

2446. Question: “Why do parents give children a middle name?” Answer: “So the child knows when it is seriously in trouble!”

2447. Question: “What would you have if you crossed a panther with a beef burger?” Answer: “Really fast food!”

2448. Question: “What would you have if you crossed a pig with a karate expert?” Answer: “Pork chops!”

2449. Question: “Why do traffic lights rarely go swimming?” Answer: “They take much too long to change!”

2450. Question: “Why do thieves shower before they commit crime?” Answer: “Because they like a clean getaway!”

2451. Question: “What type of bow can never be tied?” Answer: “A Rainbow!”

2452. Question: “Why did Jack take a prune out for the evening?” Answer: “He couldn’t get a date!”

2453. Question: “Why couldn’t the pirate play poker?” Answer: “He sat on the deck!”

2454. Question: “Which is the loudest state in the U.S.A.?” Answer: “ILLI NOISE!”

2455. Question: “Why is it that birds fly southwards for the winter?” Answer: “Because it is too far to walk!”

2456. Question: “Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal next to a group of basketball players?” Answer: “They dribble far too much!”

2457. Question: “Where can you obtain virgin wool?” Answer: “Really ugly sheep!”

2458. Question: “How can you treble the value any Skoda car?” Answer: “Put a gallon of petrol in it!”

2459. Question: “What is the best definition of a mixed emotion?” Answer: “Watching the mother-in-law reverse off a cliff driving your brand new car!”

2460. Question: “What is a cow with no legs called?” Answer: “Ground Beef!”

2461. Question: “Why does a divorce cost so much?” Answer: “Because it is worth it!”

2462. Question: “What route do crazy people take to go through the woods?” Answer: “They follow the psycho path!”

2463. Question: “How would a spoilt little rich girl change a light bulb?” Answer: “She would ask Daddy to buy her a new apartment!”

2464. Question: “What do people in prison use to communicate with one another?” Answer: “Cell phones!”

2465. Question: “What would happen if you were to cross two snowmen with three vampires?” Answer: “You would get severe frostbite!”

2466. Question: “What is big, fuzzy and green with four legs and six pockets and if it were to fall from a tree it would probably kill you?” Answer: “A snooker table!”

2467. Question: “What lettuce was served in the salad bar on the Titanic?” Answer: “Iceberg!”

2468. Question: “What shakes and twitches and can be found at the sea bottom?” Answer: “A nervous wreck!”

2469. Question: “Why is it there so many people with the surname Jones in the telephone book?” Answer: “Because they have got phones!”

2470. Question: “Why is it that people always walk whenever they play the bagpipes?” Answer: “Even they are attempting to get away from that awful noise!”

2471. Question: “What happened to the man who lost his left arm, left leg and eye in an accident?” Answer: “It was touch and go but he is all right now!”

2472. Question: “What was the name of the person who made King Arthur’s Round Table?” Answer: “Sir Cumferance!”

2473. Question: “What three letters alter boys into men and girls into women?” Answer: “AGE!”

2474. Question: “Why are fish so easy to weigh?” Answer : “Because they have their own scales!”

2475. Question: “How you know that you are flying with a "no frills" airline?” Answer: “You need to have the correct change to board the plane!”

2476. Question: “Why do "no frills" airlines never show movies on their flights?” Answer: “They don’t need to. You keep seeing your life flashing before your very eyes!”

2477. Question: “On a turkey, which side would you find most feathers?” Answer: “The outside!”

2478. Question: “Why is that all cats dislike flying saucers?” Answer: “Because it is impossible for them to reach the milk!”

2479. Question: “If a cat has nine lives, what has more?” Answer: “A frog – it croaks every day!”

2480. Question: “Which ballet do pigs like best?” Answer: “Swine Lake!”

2481. Question: “What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?” Answer: “Everybody can chop pork but everyone can't pea soup!”

2482. Question: “Why is it that we don't eat clowns?” Answer: “They taste funny!”

2483. Question: “If you saw two cowboys in a kitchen, which would be the real one?” Answer: “The one stood by the range!”

2484. Question: “Where would you find a dog with one leg?” Answer: “Exactly where you had left it!”

2485. Question: “What is the longest sentence that a man knows?” Answer: “I do!”

2486. Question: “What do you call a chicken that is crossing the road?” Answer: “Poultry in motion!”

2487. Question: “What is a quicker way to transfer money than electronic banking?” Answer: “Marriage!”

2488. Question: “Where would a 65 year old man find a young, attractive woman who would take any interest in him?” Answer: “The local bookshop in the section marked ‘fiction’!”

2489. Question: “Why is it a good to use valet parking as you get older?” Answer: “Because they will remember where the car was parked!”

2490. Question: “If it takes six men eight hours for a wall to be built, how long would three men take to build it?” Answer: “It wouldn't take any time - it has already been built!”


2491. Question: “What would you have if you had four peaches and three pears in one hand with four pears and three peaches in the other?” Answer: “Incredibly large hands!”

2492. Question: “How would you lift a giraffe with one hand?” Answer: “Doesn't matter as you won't find any one handed giraffe!?”

2493. Question: “If a green stone was thrown into the sea what does it become?” Answer: “Wet!”

2494. Question: “What falls regularly although never gets hurt?” Answer : “Rain!”

2495. “What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes?” “Because it said ‘Concentrate on the side of the can ’!”

2496. Question: “What is another name for female Viagra?” Answer: “A Diamond!”

2497. Question: “What did the cowboy say went he went into the car showroom in Germany?” Answer: “Audi!”

2498. Question: “What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate?” Answer: “Tell him that you are pregnant!”

2499. Question: “What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age?” Answer: “Remove your spectacles!”