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Did you hear about the beautiful blonde hitchhiker? A passing motorist picked her up and asked her what she did for a living. I'm a magician, she said. Never! Go on prove it he replied. So she touched him on his leg and turned him into an hotel.

Three men on the way home from work were moaning about their dull, tedious lives. Lets try and liven it up a bit, said one, I know, when we get home, well do exactly whatever our wives tell us to do. They all shook hands and went their separate ways, agreeing to meet up the next morning and swap stories. The following day, on the way to work the first one told them what happened. I got in, lit a cigarette and all of a sudden I sneezed. The cigarette dropped out of my mouth onto our new sofa and burnt a hole. Why don't you burn the whole house down while you're at it? my wife said. So I did. I haven't seen her since, she stormed off threatening me with divorce. The second man looked very downcast. My wife's gone home to her mother. When I got in last night I decided to mow the lawn but I went over a pebble which flew up and broke the kitchen window and she said, Well done! Why don't you smash them all? So I did, and that's when she left. That's nothing, replied the third man, My wife's reported me to the police for indecent assault. Shed gone out for the evening and by the time she got home I was already in bed. Of course, when she got in beside me the old todger started to look lively so I put me hand on her pussy but she didn't want to know. You can cut that out, she said, so I did. Does anyone want a toupee?

The business is doing badly and one of two people from middle management will have to go. Its not an easy decision, as both Theresa and Jack have been there a long time and they're both very good. The first one to leave work tomorrow will get their cards, decides the Personnel Manager; that's the only way he can think of doing it. The following evening, 30 minutes before she usually leaves, Theresa tells Jack she has a bad headache. It could be a migraine coming on, so shes going to go home early. As she gets her coat, the Personnel Manager spots her and decides to take immediate action. He goes over to her and says, There's something I have to say to you, Theresa. I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off. Jack off! she retorted angrily. Ive got a bad headache.

A boss called one of his workers into the office. Now listen, Simms, you're going to have to pull your socks up or Ill have to sack you. For the past few weeks you've been constantly late, you've made silly mistakes and you've not been civil to your fellow workers. What do you have to say for yourself? I'm sorry, Sir. Things aren't right between me and the wife and Im sick with worry. Now the boss was a kindly man, so he gave him some advice. Now Simms, you've got to show them that you don't take them for granted. Why! Look at me. When I get home I give my wife a long, lingering kiss, give her a present and then make mad passionate love. Ill give you the afternoon off, so why don't you do the same thing? I dont know what to say, gasped Simms. Thank you very much by the way, whats your address?

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