JOKES 2300 TO 2399

2300. Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Salad and a blowjob?" "No", says the secretary. "Great, Let's do lunch." the boss says.

2301. A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. "Downsizing." He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be one of them." He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye. "Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good. Is everything okay?" He looks at her and says "To be honest, I'm having a tough time here. I can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off." And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest you jack off.

2302. A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan. "What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager. "I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach." "I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied. So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money. The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off." "Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder." "Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?" "Give me a peach and I'll show you."

2303. The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?" The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"

2304. A man went to his boss's costume party with nothing on but a young naked woman on his back. "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the boss asked. "I'm a snail." The man replied. "What a load of crap!" his boss spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that young naked woman on your back?" "You've got it wrong," the man replied. "That's Michelle."

2305. A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary." The guy says, "What's wrong with her?" The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous. The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only ugly, she's as dumb as a wall." The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth it." The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary and build you a mansion on Long Island." The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they have sex. About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's about to hang it on the wall. He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring me a hammer." She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches the hammer. The guy says, "Get me some nails." She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him some nails. The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and he yells, "Fuck!" She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."

2306. The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?" The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

2307. A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

2308. Funny Instruction Labels: These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big dollars to write this one...) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this..) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

2309. A secretary walked into her boss's office & said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you." "Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once." "Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile."

2310. In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

2311. An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile." The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled... "SUPPLIES!!"

2312. A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas. They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately. The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job. Suddenly the pilot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert. Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around. Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."

2313. Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT , "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

2314. Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. (Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time

2315. Frank was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: YES

2316. Angry Boss: Have you ever seen an owl? Employee: (looking down) No Sir... Boss: Don't look down. Look at me.

2317. Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work. Derek: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!

2318. A young man was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor. A guy came running. He shouted: "Alex, your daughter Sweety is badly injured in accident". Not knowing what to do, the young man jumped from his office window in panic to go as-early-as-possible. While coming down when he was near tenth floor, he remembered he had no daughter named Sweety. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Alex.

2319. Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair”.

2320. For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.” And the boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”

2321. A passenger complained to the railway official, “What is the use of keeping the time table when the train never arrives as per scheduled time?” The railway official replied, “Without time table, how can you know that such and such train is late?!”

2322. “Why did you leave your last job?” asked the employer. “Illness, sir.” “What was the trouble?” “They said they were sick of me, sir!”

2323. Salesman: “I got two orders today.” Second salesman: “Really?” Salesman: “Get out and stay out!”

2324. An election campaigner was constantly interrupted by a man in the crowd, who kept shouting, “Liar.” On the twentieth repetition, the speaker paused and fixed his eyes on his tormentor. “If the gentleman who is interrupting me,” he said, “be kind enough to tell us his name instead of shouting out his profession, I am sure we shall all be pleased to make his acquaintance!”

2325. A Frenchman holding high office who met Allen Barkley, VicePresident of United States said, “You Americans are a vigorous, strong people. But we French are the politest in the world. You admit it yourself, don’t you?” Barkley smiled, “Yes”, he said, “that is our politeness!”

2326. “We must grow more wheat” said the politician, when he was interrupted by a listener who called out, “What about hay?” “I am now talking about food for human consumption”, replied the politician, “I will come around to your food in a minute!”

2327. An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American got talking tall one day. The Englishman said, “The buildings in my country are so high that looking down from the top of them makes men below appear like ants.” The Frenchman said, “In my country, the buildings are so high that we have had to remove some parts to let moon pass.” The American finalized the round with: “All that is nothing, for in my land, the buildings are so high that if a baby should fall from the top-most floor, it would be an old man by the time it reached the ground!”

2328. “What are the desirable qualifications for any young man who wishes to become a politician?” “It is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year and to have the ability to explain afterwards why it did not happen!”

2329. Son: “Who is a traitor in politics?” Father: “A traitor is the one who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.” Son: “What, then, is a man who leaves the other party and comes over to our party?” Father: “He is a patriot!”

2330. Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

2331. NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person could go and he will not return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars”, he answered, “because I wish to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. ]He asked for two million dollars. “I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a politician. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.” “Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked. The Indian Politician replied, $1 million is for you, I’ll keep $1 million and we’ll give the engineer $1million and send him to Mars!”

2332. President Clinton is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Democrat puppies, Mr. President.” Clinton thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Hillary what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Republican puppies.” The president looks puzzled and says, “Yesterday, you told me they were Democrat puppies.” The man smiles and says, “Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!”

2333. A politician was sitting with his Ministers examining mail. Suddenly he cried out, “Look at this letter! It is addressed to the stupidest man in the city”. His ministers tried to calm him by saying, “How dare a man address such a letter to you?” He replied sadly, “This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?”

2334. Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor, Condolezza Rice George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. George: That’s what I want to know. Condi: That’s what I’m telling you. George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China? Condi: Yes. George: I mean the fellow’s name. Condi: Hu. George: The guy in China. Condi: Hu. George: The new leader of China. Condi: Hu. George: The Chinaman! Condi: Hu is leading China. George: Now whaddya’ asking me for? Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China. George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China? Condi: That’s the man’s name. George: That’s who’s name? Condi: Yes. George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East. Condi: That’s correct. George: Then who is in China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir is in China? Condi: No, sir. George: Then who is? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Condi: No, sir. George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. Condi: Kofi? George: No, thanks. Condi: You want Kofi? George: No. Condi: You don’t want Kofi. George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N. Condi: Yes, sir. George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi? George: Milk! Will you please make the call? Condi: And call who? George: Who is the guy at the U.N? Condi: Hu is the guy in China. George: Will you stay out of China?! Condi: Yes, sir. George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi. George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.) Condi: Rice, here. George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

2335. Mike went to US to meet his friend Bill. Bill: I want to show you the US advancement. Come with me. He takes him to a forest. Bill: Dig the ground. Mike did it. Bill: More….More…More… Mike went upto 100 Feet. Bill: So now, try to search something. Mike: I got a Wire. Bill: You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. Mike became frustrated. He invited Bill to his country. Next year Bill was in Mike’s country. Mike: I want to show you our advancement. The same…he takes Bill to a forest. Mike: Dig it. Bill does. Mike: More….More…More… … Bill goes upto almost 400 feet. Mike: Try to find something. Bill tries. Mike: Did you get anything? Bill: No, there is nothing here. Mike: you know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we used to have WIRELESS!!

2336. When a man in Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal." The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon. "Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, "Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog." "Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut." "In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read, "Yankee Kills Family Pet."

2337. A reporter goes to Israel to cover the fighting. She is looking for something emotional and positive and of human interest. Something like that guy in Sarajevo who risked his life to play the cello everyday in the town square. In Jerusalem, she heard about an old Jew who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She goes to the Wailing Wall and there he is! She watches him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview. "Rebecca Smith, CNN News. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?" "For about 50 years." "What do you pray for?" "For peace between the Jews and the Arabs. For all the hatred to stop. For all of our children to grow up in safety and friendship." "How do you feel after doing this for 50 years?" "Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."

2338. When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

2339. One man (lets call him Johnny) came to gun shop. J(ohnny):I want a pistol S(alesman):Choose from this wall (points at wall full of pistols) J: (points at biggest pistol) I want this, S: An .44 Magnum? And for what purpose? J: For shooting cans. S: (points on smaller handgun) For shooting cans is the best this one. J: (points again on .44) No, I want this one. S: And what cans will you shoot at? J: Um...Mexi-cans, Portori-cans, Afri-cans.

2340. One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France. Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!" Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!" Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy." Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."

2341. I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

2342. Chinese and American are in a plane.Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."

2343. Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first? A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

2344. Europe to Iceland: Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down. Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it? Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH! Iceland: Woooops..

2345. Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying." The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."

2346. Mexicans cross the border 1....2....and 4 at one time, never 3. why? Because the sign says - no tres passing.

2347. Romanians and Russians playing at THE Olympics. After a great fight Romanians wins the title. Next day Putin sends a letter to Bucharest: You played well.Stop.We all enjoy your game. Stop. We are so proud of you. Stop. Credits. Stop. Gas. Stop. Crops. Stop

2348. A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency? He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?

2349. Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.

2350. A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog. He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl's life. The girl's mother rushes over to him: "Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl" "But I'm not a New Yorker," the man says. "Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl," says the mother. "But I'm not an American," the man says. "What are you then?" asks the mother. "I'm an Iranian," the man says. The next day he sees the newspaper headlines: Islamic Extr*mist kills American Dog.

2351. Three life insurance salesmen of different countries were having a chat. Pakistani: When a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours. Indian: When a man died, we delivered a check the same evening. American: That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of the WTC building. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

2352. American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars. Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars. Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.

2353. Obama joined army and was given a gun. Obama asked his Officer: Sir, to what side should I point its nozzle, towards myself or to the opposite side. Officer: Stupid, keep it anyway, in both the cases it will benefit the nation.

2354. A minister decides to pose for a picture along with a herd of buffaloes with his elbows resting on the back of the cattle. Next day the photo appears in a newspaper with caption: "The minister, third from left".

2355. One morning when Sir Winston Churchill was sitting in his bath tub, his servant heard his voice above the splashing. He opened the door and asked, “Were you speaking to me sir?” “No, I was addressing the House of Commons”, replied Churchill annoyed at the interruption.

2356. During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse? He is given his last chance to run away.

2357. Tourist to guide: "Can you tell me why so many famous ancient battles were fought on tourist sites?!

2358. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

2359. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

2360. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

2361. Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

2362. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

2363. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

2364. “If we get electricity from electrons, do we get morality from morons?”

2365. “Why is it called an asteroid when it is outside the hemisphere but it is called a hemorrhoid when it is inside your bottom?”

2366. “Why does a dog get angry when you blow in its face yet it will stick its head out of the window whenever you go on a car journey?”

2367. “Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they know that there is not enough money in the first place?”

2368. “Have you ever wondered why Tarzan never has a beard?”

2369. “Why do they always use sterilized needles when giving lethal injections?”

2370. “Why do Kamikaze pilots bother wearing helmets?”

2371. “Which smart alec decided it was a good idea to put the letters in lisp?”

2372. “Why is it that the bubbles are always white regardless of what color bubble bath you use?”

2373. If you refused to pay an exorcist, would you be repossessed?

2374. Why is it that garage washrooms are always locked. Are they scared that someone will clean them?

2375. If a police officer arrested a mime artist, would they have the right to remain silent?

2376. How is it that Superman could stop a bullet with his chest but couldn’t dress himself properly?

2377. Is Dijon vu the same old mustard?

2378. When two egotists meet, is it an I for an I?

2379. Is the definition of a will a dead giveaway?

2380. Do backward poets write inverse?

2381. Did you hear about the 4 foot fortune teller that escaped from prison? She was a small medium at large.

2382. Is Acupuncture a jab well done?

2383. If a Buddhist refused Novocain during root canal treatment is it a case of transcend dental medication?

2384. If you were to jump off a bridge in Paris would that mean you were in seine?

2385. Do all lawyers call their daughters Sue and their Sons Bill?

2386. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE!

2387. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)

2388. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

2389. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

2390. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

2391. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

2392. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

2393. Why a person who plays the piano is called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

2394. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

2395. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

2396. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2397. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

2398. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

2399. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . They're cramming for their final exam.