JOKES 3400 TO 3499

3400. Teacher: “What is black and white, black and white, black and white?” Pupil: “A zebra caught in a revolving door!”

3401. Teacher: “Why are fish so smart?” Pupil: “Because they live in schools!”

3402. Teacher: “Why do birds fly south in the winter?” Pupil: “Because it's too far to walk!”

3403. Teacher: “What do you call a three legged donkey?” Pupil: “A donkey!”

3404. Teacher: “Why did the King go to the dentist?” Pupil: “To get his teeth crowned!”

3405. Teacher: “How much is half of 8?” Pupil: “Up and down or across?” Teacher: “What do you mean?” Pupil: “Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!”

3406. Teacher: “If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?” Pupil: “That's not fair! You always do the easy ones and give the tough part to me!”

3407. Teacher: “Where is your homework?” Pupil: “I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school!”

3408. Teacher: “What was Camelot?” Pupil: “A place where people parked their camels!”

3409. Teacher: “Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?” Pupil: “Because it can't sit down!”

3410. Teacher: “What's 2 and 2?” Pupil: “4” Teacher: “That's good.” Pupil: “Good? That’s perfect!”

3411. Teacher: “What is further away, Australia or the Moon?” Pupil: “Australia, you can see the Moon at night!”

3412. Teacher: “Be sure that you go straight home.” Student: “I can't, I live just round the corner!”

3413. Teacher: “Class, we will have only half days school this morning.” Class: “Hooray!” Teacher: “We will have the other half this afternoon!”

3414. It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said, "Honey, I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out." So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" And the little girl said, Happy Butt." The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt" what's the difference!?

3415. For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally asked the boy, "Johnny, what has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Johnny burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

3416. A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. "We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too." "Very clever!" remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?" "Yes" says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being referred to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?" "Nothing, ordinarily" says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!"

3417. A teacher was wrapping up class and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write!"

3418. A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?" His response was, "My mother can." The teacher replied, "Really?" The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home!"

3419. A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. As you shall make your bed so shall you..........mess it up. Strike while the ..............................bug is close. You can lead a horse to water Don't bite the hand that........................looks dirty. If you lie down with the dogs, you'll………….stink in the morning. An idle mind is.......................the best way to relax. A penny saved is...................................not much. Children should be seen and not.........spanked or grounded!

3420. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice from the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty and wrinkled!"

3421. The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone!"

3422. At a large college there was a football player that was extremely stupid. He sat beside a boy in class that was really smart and the teacher knew that he was cheating, but he just couldn't catch him. One day she was grading a test and she noticed that the smart boy had written "I don't know the answer" on number 10. So she looked at the jock's paper and smiled. He had finally given himself away. His answer looked like this: ”10. Me neither!”

3423. A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. “Ray, what noise does a cow make?” “It goes moo.” “Peyton, what noise does a cat make?” “It goes meow.” “Dwayne, what sound does a lamb make?” “It goes baaa.” “Ron, what sound does a mouse make?” “Errr.., it goes.. click!”

3424. Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?” Student: “Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

3425. A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first,” she said. “What does your mother do all day?” Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.” “That’s wonderful. How about you, Amie?” Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.” “Thank you, Amie,” said the teacher. “What about your father, Billy?” Billy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks.” The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation. Billy’s father said, “I’m actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”

3426. A School Master from a remote rural area was transferred to a new School in the city. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing… Deer sur, If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.This is my fist vijit to the city. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in threetyre compartment. I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun. Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement. May God blast you!” Yours awfully, Necoles

3427. TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you’re wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots !! Student: Yes, it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home.

3428. TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water? Student : “HIJKLMNO” !! TEACHER : What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

3429. Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future? Ray : I want to be a pilot. Mark : I want to be a doctor. Alice: I want to be a good mother. Steven : I want to help Alice!

3430. Teacher : Gerard, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his? Gerard : No, teacher, it’s the same dog… we both wrote on!!!

3431. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”. The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”

3432. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have? Student: Big hands!

3433. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. SAM : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

3434. Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.

3435. Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

3436. Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?" Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"

3437. This guy went to school and he asked "May I use the bathroom?" The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's." The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher asked "Where's the p? He replied, " running down my leg!"

3438. Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhi was four years old

3439. Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense. Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)

3440. Teacher in class: Can anyone tell me what do you get if you subtract four apples from seven apples? John: Where are the apples?

3441. The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you on the floor?" Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."

3442. The teacher said to Merisa, "What important in the 1700's people did not have that we have Today." Merisa said, "ME."

3443. Stone age: a group of children are sitting around the tree and one grown up is teaching them how to bring down the fruit with a rock. Then all the children try to do that on their own. After everyone's done they

separates into a small groups and walks home. One of them complains, "I hate those physics".

3444. A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

3445. Teacher: If you eat fish? Student: It's good for my eyes. Teacher: If you don't eat fish? Student: It's good for the fish!

3446. Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round? George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.

3447. Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t". Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.

3448. A student is sitting at an astronomy lecture in college, when the professor mentions, "In about 15 billion years, the sun will burn out and all life on earth will cease to exist." "Excuse me, professor, did you say 5 billion years or 15 billion?" "15 billion." "whew, thanks, because I was really getting worried."

3449. A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a prostitute!" Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a prostitute?? what do you care about what she does after work?"

3450. A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."

3451. One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, beautiful!'"

3452. Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!

3453. Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention? Student: I'm paying as little attention as I can.

3454. Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over!"

3455. TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son. FATHER: What's that? TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

3456. A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."

3457. Teacher: How we use the light? Pupil: To suck it? Teacher: Why do you say so? Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suck it!"

3458. A professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest. Somehow the professor heard about the plan. In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Sweden a pr*stitute makes $2000 per night." All the women stood up and started to leave the class. So he shouted after them: "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until the day after tomorrow."

3459. Science Teacher: Oxygen is a must for breathing & for life. It was discovered in 1773. Student: Thank God ! I am born after 1773. How did people survive before that??

3460. A Teacher lecturing on population: In the world, after every 10 seconds, a women gives birth to a kid. Student stands up: We must find & stop her.

3461. Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Sara, 3 to Sandy and 2 to Kristina then what will u get???? Kid: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!

3462. A boy has English exam next day. He learns an essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam an essay on 'FATHER' comes. He replaced friend with father in the essay. It read: I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor; I wish to make him my new father.

3463. Hi students! Today, we will let you know the short cut to success: "Behind every successful Man, there is a WOMAN... So, don't waste time in your studies... just find a woman..."

3464. A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” Little Johnny replied, “Because we must not disturb people while sleeping.”

3465. Two school girls were talking in school break. Girl 1: You seem worried today. what’s the matter? Girl 2: Ya! As my mom’s gonna marry again soon. Girl 1: What’s that bothering you, new relationship or new father? Girl 2: New father! hes a famous man. I wonder how would he treat me? Girl 1: Who’s he? Girl 2: Mr. Baig! The famous film maker. Girl 1: Don’t you worry then at all! Hes a nice chap. Girl 2: How can you say that? Girl 1: He was my father last month!

3466. “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?” A small boy said, “Teacher”, of course!!

3467. A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. After one week, a test was held. The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird’s legs. No bodies,no feet, just legs. The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally, he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test paper on the teacher’s desk. “This is the worst test I have ever given.” The teacher looked up and said, “Young man, you have flunked the test. What’s your name?“ The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, “You tell me”.

3468. Teacher asked to a student,”Ronny if 2 & 2 makes four how is 4 & 4?” Student replied, “This is not fair teacher, you always do the easy ones and leave the hard ones for me.”

3469. After having failed his exam in Logistics and Organization, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it. Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?” Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!” Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an ‘A ’ for the exam.” Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?” Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?” Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an ‘A ’, as agreed. Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question. He immediately answers, “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an ‘A ’, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

3470. Two girls were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says,“Why are you arguing?” One girl answers, “We found a ten dollar and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher,”When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The girls gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

3471. An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.. All of the males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” All the females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.” Punctuation is powerful!

3472. Once a teacher was asking the students about their hobbies. Teacher to boy1: What is your hobby? Boy1: My hobby is to watch bubbles while taking bath. Teacher to Boy2: What is your hobby? Boy2: My hobby is to watch bubbles while taking bath. Teacher to Boy3: What is your hobby? Boy3: My hobby is to watch bubbles while taking bath. Teacher called a girl this time and asked… Teacher:What is your name? Girl: My name is ‘Bubbles’

3473. Little Preeto came running into the house after school one day, shouting, “Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!” “That’s great, sweetheart,” said her daddy. “Come in to the living room and tell me about it.” “Well,” said Preeto, “I got 50 in spelling, 30 in Maths and 20 in Science.”

3474. Nutrition class teacher given home work to write 3 pages essay on milk. Next day all children bring the home work. One boy written only one page. Then teacher asked him why he has written only one page. The boy replied, “Teacher I have written about condensed milk.”

3475. Teacher: “Can you tell me why days expand in summer?” Student: “Yes. Owing to heat, the days expand in summer and in winterm they get contracted!”

3476. Father: “Kim, how are you doing in your school?” Kim: “This is not fair Dad. I never ask you how you are doing in your office!”

3477. Teacher: “How old would a person be now if he was born in 1903?” Student: “Man or woman?” Teacher: “Why do you ask that?” Student: “Because ten years ago, when my brother graduated from high school, he was seventeen and his girl friend was sixteen. Now, he is twenty seven and she says she is twenty-one!”

3478. “Johnny” said the child’s teacher, “I was very disappointed to see your examination results this year. Didn’t you tell me that your father

promised you a bicycle if you secure First rank?” “Yes:, said Johnny. “Then why didn’t you work harder?” asked the teacher, “What have you been doing all this time?” “Learning to ride a bike!”, answered Johnny.

3479. A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House," in French, is feminine-"la mansion." "Pencil," in French, is masculine - "le crayon." One puzzled student asked, "...What gender is computer?..." The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because: 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. The women won.

3480. The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants"

3481. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy Sh*t, a talking pig!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

3482. On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3483. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."

3484. A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them. "Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !" Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"

3485. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."

3486. A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them. "Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !" Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"

3487. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that. Bobby looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned!

3488. “Kevin, in which battle was Admiral Nelson killed?” “His last one, Sir!”

3489. “Amanda, I wish you would pay a little attention.” “I am paying as little as I can, Mam!”

3490. Voice on telephone: “I am afraid Catherine would not be coming to school today.” Headmaster: “Who is calling?” Voice: “It is my mother!”

3491. Your history exercise was bad, Paul, I told you to write it down twenty times, but you have only done it ten times.” “Sorry madam, but my arithmetic is bad too!”

3492. Arthur: “I was feeling so sleepy this morning that I had to toss whether to attend class or to go to bed.” Lionel: “Is that so?” Arthur: “Yes. And I had to toss ten times before I could go to bed!”

3493. Student 1: “I don’t understand anything that my professor is teaching us.” Student 2: “That’s somewhat better. My professor himself doesn’t understand what he is teaching us!”

3494. In an examination, a question was asked: 2K + K = ? The student wrote: 3000!

3495. Why is a Lecturer Greater compared to a Mother? Because a mother can put only 1 child to sleep, but… A lecturer can put the Whole class to sleep!

3496. Hundred words does not give pain while the professor takes class, but a true friend's silence in exam hall makes more tears in heart!

3497. Introducing cricket 20-20 format in exams: *Reduce exam time by 1 hour and marks by 50. *Introduce breaks after each 15 minutes. *Give free hit marks for omitted questions. *First 30 minutes power play, no supervisor in the class. *Cheer girls in every class. They'll dance after completing every page!

3498. Japanese Proverb: If one Can do it, U too Can do it. If none Can do it, U must do it. College version: If one Can do it, let him do it. If none can do it, leave it!

3499. Why did the professor ask plumber to come to his college? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking!