JOKES 2700 TO 2799
2700. What bird never goes to a barber? A bald eagle.
2701. What kind of birds are most frequently found in captivity? Jailbirds.
2702. What do hens study in college? Egg – ocomics.
2703. What is black and yellow and goes zzub,zzub? A bee.
2704. What is the snappiest snake? A garter snake.
2705. What is a foreign ant? Import – ant.
2706. Why are spiders like tops? Because they spin
2707. Why are mosquitoes so annoying? Because they get under our skin.
2708. What kind of leopard has red spots? One who has the measles.
2709. What fish is the brightest? Sunfish.
2710. What animal talks the most? The yak.
2711. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns do not work.
2712. Why do squirrels spend so much time in trees? To get away from all the nuts on the ground.
2713. What has ears but can't hear? CORN
2714. What has fingers but can't type? GLOVES
2715. What has arms but can't hug? CHAIR
2716. What has a head and a foot but no body? BED
2717. When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway
2718. What has a mouth but never smiles? RIVER
2719. What has a face but no head? CLOCK
2720. What has leaves but isn't a tree? BOOK
2721. What has eyes but can't see? POTATOES
2722. What has legs but can't walk? TABLE
2723. Can giraffes have babies? No, they only have giraffes!
2724. How do rabbits travel? By hareplane!
2725. What clothing does a house wear? Address
2726. What shoes should you wear when your basement is flooded? Pumps!
2727. What kind of ties can't you wear? Railroad ties
2728. What did the sock say to the foot? You are putting me on!
2729. Why are potatoes good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
2730. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up the pants!
2731. What kind of eyeglasses do spies wear? Spy-focals.
2732. What do you call a funny book about eggs? A yolk book.
2733. What do you get when you saw a comedian in two? A half wit.
2734. When is it dangerous to play cards? When the joker is wild!
2735. What does the Invisible Man drink at snacktime? Evaporated milk.
2736. What kind of soda must you not drink? Baking soda.
2737. What part of your body has the most rhythm? Your eardrums.
2738. How does Mother Earth fish? With North and South Poles!
2739. Where is the ocean the deepest? On the bottom.
2740. Where is the best place to see a man-eating fish? In a seafood restaurant.
2741. What do whales like to chew? Blubber gum.
2742. What did the beach say when the tide came in? Long time no sea.
2743. What did one potato chip say to the other? Shall we go for a dip?
2744. What did the chocolate bar say to the lollipop? Hello, sucker!
2745. How does a king open a door? With a monarch-y.
2746. What do you need to spot an iceberg 20 miles away? Good eyesight!
2747. Why did the prisoner take a shower before breaking out of jail? He wanted to make a clean getaway!
2748. What did the outlaw get when he stole a calendar? 12 months!
2749. How did the hangman keep up with current events? He read the noose paper!
2750. Which way did the outlaw go when he stole the computer? He went data way!
2751. Why couldn't the sailors play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck.
2752. Why wasn't the outlaw allowed to be buried in the town cemetery? Because he wasn't dead!
2753. What happened to the crook who fell into the cement mixer? He became a hardened criminal!
2754. What is the best thing to do if a bull charges you? Pay him!
2755. What kind of horse eats and drinks with its tail? They all do. No horse takes off its tail to eat or drink!
2756. In which month do monkeys play baseball? Ape-ril
2757. What has 2 gloves and 4 legs? Two baseball players!
2758. When is an umpire like an operator? When he makes a call!
2759. How can you pitch a winning baseball game without ever throwing a ball? Throw only strikes!
2760. Which weighs more a pound of lead or a pound of feathers? They both weigh the same....a pound!
2761. What kind of ant can break a picnic table with one blow? A gi-ant!
2762. What do dogs drink at picnics? Pepsi-cola!
2763. Where do race cars go swimming? In a car pool!
2764. Can a boy scout make a fire with one stick? Yes, if it's a match!
2765. A hiker went without sleep for 7 days and wasn't tired. How? He slept at night!
2766. What kind of egg travels to unknown places? An eggs-plorer
2767. Why can't you play basketball with pigs? Because they hog the ball?
2768. How do hikers dress on cold mornings? Quickly!
2769. Which football player wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head!
2770. What runs but never gets out of breath? Water!
2771. What do you see in the dark? The dark!
2772. What time is it when you go to bed? Bedtime!
2773. What word do you always say right? Right!
2774. When do elephants have 8 feet? When there are 2 of them.
2775. What has 4 legs and only 1 foot? A bed.
2776. What is alive and has only 1 foot? A leg.
2777. What has 100 legs but cannot walk? 50 pairs of pants.
2778. What has 4 legs and flies? 2 pairs of pants.
2779. What coin doubles in value when half is deducted? A half dollar.
2780. Why should you never mention the number 288 in front of anyone? Because it is too gross – 2 times 144 which is a gross.
2781. Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long? At a yard sale.
2782. How many times can you subtract 6 from 30? Only one after that it is no longer 30.
2783. What number can you subtract half from to obtain a result that is zero? The number 8 – made up of 2 zeros one on top of the other
2784. How can half of 12 be 7? When the 12 is a Roman numeral – XII.Cut off the top half and you get VII.
2785. It happens once in a minute, twice in a week, and once in a year? What is it? The letter e.
2786. What goes up and never comes down? Your age.
2787. When things go wrong, what can you always count on? Your fingers.
2788. Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills? Because you have to change them.
2789. Which is correct: 9 and 5 is 13 OR 9 and 5 are 13? Neither, nine and five are fourteen.
2790. What is a kitten after it is 7 months old? Eight months old.
2791. What is the difference between a stupid person's ears? Nothing.
2792. How do you get pies to work for the government? You add the letter S and get spies.
2793. What letters are the smartest? The Ys.
2794. Why do your uncles, aunts, and cousins depend on you? Without U, they would not exist.
2795. What can turn a lad into a lady? The letter Y.
2796. Why is the letter A like a flower? It is always followed by bees
2797. What is the coldest letter? C – it is in the middle of ice.
2798. Where did Pilgrims land when they arrived in America? On their feet.
2799. Who succeeded the first President? The second one!