How many children with Attention Defcit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb? Want to play on my Nintendo?

How many paranoiacs does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?

How many Jehovah’s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three – one to change the bulb and turn it on, the other two bastards to knock on your door and ask if you’ve seen the light.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two – the diffcult bit is getting them in the light bulb in the frst place.

How many homosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but it takes the entire A&E department to remove it.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two – one to change the light bulb and the other to suck my cock.

How many sex therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Two – one to screw it in and one to tell him he’s screwing it in the wrong way.

How many Scousers does it take to change a light bulb? All of them - one to change the light bulb, the rest of them to have a funeral for the old light bulb and all sign a book of condolences for it.

How many Afghans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Irrelevant - the electricity has been off for at least a year anyway.

How many Ethiopians does it take to change a light bulb? Three - one to change the light and two to eat the packaging.

How many lepers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two - one to screw it in, and the other to give him a hand.

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? None - “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just sit here in the dark. It’s not like you care. You never write. You never call . . .”

How many swingers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Swingers don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

How many manic-depressives does it take to change a light bulb? What does any of it matter? Who cares anyway?

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb? Sixty-seven - one to hold the bulb and sixty-six to read the instructions.

How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb? I’ve no idea, but it’s a great laugh watching them try.

How many cocksuckers does it take to change a light bulb? Shut up and keep sucking. You can change it after I’ve come.

How many cancer victims does it take to change a light bulb? None – they’re too weak to climb the ladder.

How many divorcees does it take to change a light bulb? Four – one to cry, two to provide a supportive atmosphere and one to ring the ex-husband for instructions.

One. How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb? What light bulb?

How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Two - one to unscrew the light bulb and the other to fuck my stepmother, sorry, hold the stepladder.

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Depends if the bulb owns any oil reserves or not.

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? Two - one to change it and one to hold a white fag just in case.

How many Essex girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Chavs don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in pools of their own sick.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? You won’t fnd a lawyer who can change a light bulb. However, if you’re looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb . . .

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A fish.

How many old people does it take to screw in a light bulb? “In my day we didn’t have light bulbs. We put candles in tin cans and hung them from the ceiling with thread. And we had to walk six miles

to school in a blizzard with nothing but a potato to keep us warm . . .”

A man walks down the street and on the way he meets a friend, who happens to have only one arm. “So, what are you up to?” “I’m going to change a light bulb.” “Won’t that be diffcult, with just the one arm?” “Not really. I’ve still got the receipt.”