Vision of Calvary

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About three decades years ago, I had the following vision of Calvary:

It is the vision of Calvary that I had. I had longed to see the vision of Calvary. Before my spiritual eyes, this vision is shown. This vision of Calvary is quite different from the vision of Calvary that had taken place 2000 years ago. In this vision, I did not see the Roman soldiers or the Pharisees and the High Priests who howled, crying, "Crucify Him". Nor did I see the two thieves, the small group of wailing women and the lone "beloved" disciple. From afar I see only the Crucified Christ. Around Him is a big crowd of thousands of saints attired in white garments and of angels. In their midst, I see a dear servant of God whom I loved very much – who had sacrificially poured out his life at the altar of God in the North India and had breathed his last in the USA in 1981. The angel who stands by my side whispers into my ears, "We are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses….." (Heb.12:1). He further tells me, "You had not seen in your life many saints whom you see here. But you know them. You have praised them. You have been influenced by their lives". He points his fingers at some saints and says, "They are the Apostles Paul, Peter, John, etc, William Carey, John Wesley, Emi Carmichael, Sadhu Sundar Singh, and Pandit Rama Bhai.

These saints whose faces always radiate the glory of God now fix their eyes on me. It appears that they are angry with me as if I have committed some trespasses against God. They discuss amongst themselves something concerning me. They point their fingers of accusation at me.

I now hear a sweet and small voice whispering into my ears, "My beloved, come unto me". Hearing the voice of my Beloved Shepherd, I move forward towards the Crucified. I doubt whether this call is for me or for some particular saint in the cloud of witnesses. But that voice still beckons me, saying, "Arise, My love, My fair one, and come away" (Song of Solomon 2:13). Summoning courage, I now approach the One who calls me. But, the evil one waylays me and begins to accuse me. The evil one opens his floodgate of accusations against me. Quoting from Heb.6:4-8, he shouts, "You have no right to go to the One whom you have crucified afresh because it is impossible for you to renew yourself again unto repentance".

Oh, how true his accusation is! He has revealed all my sins and iniquities in a crystal clear manner. The word of God quoted by him is also correct. Oh, woe unto me! I have quoted the same words of God while preaching or writing my messages. The same words of God are now judging me. I cry aloud, shedding tears. I lay as a dead man. I have no strength in me.

But still the same voice beckons me, saying, "Thou art all fair, My love; there is no spot in thee. Come with Me from Lebanon, my spouse," (Song of Solomon 4:7, 8). Again mustering courage, I speak to the evil one, "Yes, I have been reserved for God's judgment for my sins and iniquities. But, I would go to the One who still loves me in spite of all my sins and iniquities. You have no authority to stop me from going to Him. Though I am not worthy to go to Heaven, yet I can approach the One Who still loves me and you cannot prevent me from approaching my Beloved".

A saint who stands by my side opens the prophetic book of Isaiah and begins to read from the 53rd chapter. "..He was wounded for our transgressions; He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed". He proceeds further and reads the same chapter in the book of Hebrews quoted by the evil one. To my surprise, the saint picks up the thread left by the evil one and reads in continuation of the passage quoted by the evil one. "But, beloved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak. For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labor of love, which ye have shewed toward His Name, in, that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister…." (Verses 9-10). The saint now further quotes from Romans 8:33, 34, I John 2:1, 2 and Rev.2:4, 5. On hearing this, the evil one flees from there.

I come close to the Crucified and look at Him. Oh, His eyes are full of compassion and love for me. He lifts up His Head while hanging on the Cross. His one look at me breaks my heart. He does not accuse me but only looks at me with a heart full of compassion and love. Oh, I repent of my sins and iniquities. Peter denied Him thrice but when He had one look at Peter, the latter repented. Oh, He does not judge me with any words of judgment. He bore all the pain of my sins and iniquities on His spiritual body. Oh, I had grieved the Holy Spirit by my sins and iniquities.

I now identify myself with the Crucified. It is the One whom I have praised and adored. It is the One for whose sake I renounced the pleasures of this world. It is the One whose saints I ministered to in my house. Oh, I live only for Him today. How is it that I had crucified Him afresh? Yes, I grieved His Spirit and crucified Him (Eph.4:30, Heb.6:6). "For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me…….For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not: but what I hate, that do I. ….Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me….O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord……" (Rom.7:11-25).

It is Christ who delivers me from the sin as there is no good in my flesh. I cannot live a life on my own but can lead a victorious life depending on Christ day in and day out. I cannot live a life trusting in my own righteousness without abiding in Christ. I now realize the truth – "I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me……" (Gal.2:20).

The scene of the Crucified Christ disappears. I see Christ with His outstretched Hands. As I try to run to Him, He runs faster than me and comes to me. He embraces me. He now puts on me white garments and a ring on my finger. He now takes me to His banqueting table.

- Job Anbalagan