Sunday Family Humour 9th January 2011

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

ZEN TEACHINGS

Thanks to Cory Arthur

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse. Then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Old Images

Thanks to Ray O'.

Google Presentation

Lala, the 10 year old King Penguin

Lala, the 10 year old King Penguin is so smart - he walks to the fish store with his little

backpack to shop for fresh fish every day.

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Doormats with a Difference

Thanks to Tony H.

Modelling

Thanks to David H.

Duck hunting resort, or what!

How many beers were consumed building this rascal?

Louisiana (of course)

3 stories- Coon Ass Duck Blind (on Bayou Self)

1st level hides 4 boats underneath and has room for 2

hunters and has 2 dog doors.

2nd level has a full kitchen with fridge, 2 stoves,

electricity for lights, living room with

2 couches and satellite TV, theater seats around the

"porch of the blind" to sit 14

guys comfortably. A side porch has a running toilet,

a stainless steel grill

for cooking whole rib-eyes for lunch and a bar to make

all the Mojos and margarita

machine which are hard wired to car batteries.

3rd level is the "crows nest" with room for 3. It's

about 25' up in the trees and

most of the time you are shooting down on the ducks.

The food scraps we throw out draw a lot of ducks and make

the fishing good too.

Weddings

Thanks to David H.

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