Sunday Family Humour 31st October Page 2
A Norwegian Maths Test
Thanks to Ray O'P
A Norwegian fella wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said.
'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'
'Without numbers?'
The Norwegian says, 'Dat's easy.' and proceeds to draw three trees.
What's this?' the boss asks.
Vot! you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' says the Norwegian.
'Fair enough,' says the boss.
'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'
The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
'Dar ya go.'
The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says,
'All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'
The Norwegian fella stares into space some more,
then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says,
'Dar ya go. Von hundred.'
The boss looks at the attempt.
'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says,
'A little dog come along and pooped by each tree.
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, vich makes von hundred.'
'So, ven do I start?
Poolside Fitness Exercises
Thanks to Paul S
LATEST PHOTOS FROM NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
Thanks to Paul S.
Jabuticaba Tree
Thanks to Ray O'
The Tree that Fruits on its Trunk
No, this is not a belated April Fools prank. They look as if they may have been pinned there by an over enthusiastic gardener to impress the neighbors, but the fruit of the Jabuticaba really does grow off the trunk of the tree.
Otherwise known as the Brazilian Grape Tree, this plant is native to South America, notably Paraguay , Argentina and (obviously from its name) mostly from Brazil . The fruit, a succulent looking purple color, can be plucked and eaten straight from the tree.
It is also a popular ingredient in jellies and is also juiced to make a refreshing summer drink. What is more, it can be fermented and made into wine and strong liquor. After three days off the tree the fermentation will begin, so sometimes, there is no choice; honestly.
If you want one of these in your garden, then you have to be patient. The tree takes an age to grow, but once it reaches maturity it is worth it. However, it has proven to be very adaptable and, although it prefers moist and slightly acid soils, it will even grow well in an alkaline type soil.
The flowers themselves appear on the tree at most twice a year naturally. They look like some strange alien creature that has deposited itself on the trunk and branches. The habit of flowers doing this makes them cauliflorous. Instead of growing new shoots, these plants flower direct from the woody trunk or stem.
You might ask why it is this way. The simple answer is that it has evolved in this manner so that animals that cannot climb very high can reach it, eat it and then expel the seeds away from the parent tree to further propagate the species.
If the tree is well irrigated then it will flower and fruit all the year round. The fruit itself is about four centimeters in diameter and has up to four large seeds. As well as being used as food, the skins can be dried out and used to treat asthma and diarrhea.
If your tonsils are swollen you can also use it to try and alleviate the inflammation. It is also hoped that the tree will be useful in the fight against cancer, as several anti-cancer compounds have been found in the fruit.
Altogether a useful tree, if a slightly strange looking one.
Achievement
Thanks to Tony
A Pepsi Advert
So few words
Thanks to Paul S.
They're written by Andy Rooney , a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy.......
I've learned..... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned..... That when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned..... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned..... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned..... That being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned..... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned..... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
I've learned..... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned..... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned..... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned..... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned..... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned..... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned..... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned..... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned..... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned..... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned..... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned..... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned..... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned..... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned..... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I've learned..... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned..... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned..... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned..... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned..... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
Finally I found it...
Thanks to Tony
and you thought there was no such place, huh?
You should all be so pleased to receive this........
How many times have we been 'up there without one!
My work is done!