Sunday Family Humour 17th July

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BUT PROBABLY DON'T

Thanks to Ray O'

1 . Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton..

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana)

paper

3. The dot over the letter I is called a "tittle".

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh Champagne will bounce up and

down continuously from the bottom

of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He

was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces

will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the

shark's stomach from underneath, causing

the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww)

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't

wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper'and 'lower' because

in the time when all original print

had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were

stored in the case on top of the case that stored the

smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the

other at the same time hence, multi-

tasking was invented.

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars Given out during World War

II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was

never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange,

purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years

to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go

mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a

Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, And four pennies, you

have $1.19 You also have the largest

amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a

Dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't

sink in quicksand (and you thought this

list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law,

which stated that you couldn't beat

your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player

for automobiles. At that time, the

most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called

themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a

piece of celery than the celery has in it

to begin with. It's the same with apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher..

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most

often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans Before they go into space

because passing wind in a space suit

damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS!

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart (when she was put

in jail) : "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J.

Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around & Osama Bin Laden until

recently, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and

work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail."

The Model T Ford

Thanks to Lee

Bangkok and Thailand

Thanks to Lee

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So your son wants to be a ballet dancer

Thanks to Bill S.

A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers

Thanks to Cindy

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls..

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and

poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty

space between the sand.

The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to

recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things --- your family, your children, your health, your

friends and your favorite passions --- and if everything else was lost

and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else --- the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,

'There is no room for the pebbles or golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you

will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children.

Spend time with your parents.

Visit with grandparents.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your spouse out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first --- the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.....

The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and

inquired what the Beer represented..

The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.

'The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem,

there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Hash House Harriers

The Hash House Harriers (abbreviated to HHH, H3, or referred to simply as Hashing)

is an international group of non-competitive running, social and drinking clubs, whose organisation and management sets a perfect example for the new world government.

This new type of government is known as "drinking-club-with-running-problem mentality"

harriermagazine.com

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