Sunday Family Humour 21st November 2010 Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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The Dog Lion

Thanks to Peter D.

This is the true story of a Garage Owner in the Southwest

( New Mexico )

He was sick and tired of thugs breaking into his garage shop

to steal tools, etc.

So he came up with this idea.

He put the word out that he had a Lion

that would attack anyone that would break in or climb his fence.

Would-be thieves saw the "Lion" from a distance and fled the scene.

The dog's probably trying to figure out why

his head's so hot and his butt's so cold?

Clever Ideas Worth Knowing

Thanks to Mark G.

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.

I didn't know that!

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil.

It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.

Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.

It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of Spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.

For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed.

Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies.

Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic. Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert.

Simply chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples.

Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples.

Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm! <

Reheat Pizza

Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm.

This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this onthe cooking channel and itreally works.

Easy Deviled Eggs

Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up.

Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg.

Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

Expanding Frosting

When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size.

You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

Reheating refrigerated bread

To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the foo

Newspaper keeps the weeds away

Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers,

Put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not get through wet newspapers.

Broken Glass

Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

No More mosquitoes

Place a dryer sheet in your pocket.

It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Squirrel away!

To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper.

The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it. (Wonder if this works with rabbits? Sure gonna give it a try)

To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

Reducing Static Cling-Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose

Place pin in seam of slacks and ... At DA! ... Static is gone.

Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Reopening envelopes

If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.

Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

Goodbye Fruit Flie

To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix ;well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home,' can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!(This will definitely try!!!)

(INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS

(The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the

dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load clothes.) He told us that he wanted to show us something; he took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material. I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like. Well ....the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit.You can't SEE the film, but it's ther clothes soft and static free ... that nice fragrance too. You know how they can feel waxy when you take them out of the box ... well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very longtime (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbru sh (or other brush) at least every six months.

He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How ;about that!?!

Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that.

So, I thought I'd share!

I went to my dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water ran through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in the mesh screen. I washed it with warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when I rinsed it .. the water ran right thru the screen! There wasn't any puddling at all! That repairman knew what he was talking about!<

Otter Pups Swimming Lesson

Thanks to Ray M.

The Real Meaning of Words

Thanks to Cindy

Love

Sorrow

Innocence

Departure

Pain

Respect

Compassion

Friendship

Patience

Rescued

Best friends

Divine

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... it's about caring and

loving your relatives and friends while you can touch and see

them, and they are still among us.

May you always walk in sunshine, my friend!!

Be kind to all you meet, each of us carries a burden that others can't see.

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The Diesel Fitter

Thanks to Cory A.

Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's and both were laid off, so

they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Paddy answered,

"Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties and thongs."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it

classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel fitter."

Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious.

He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained,

"Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor."

"What skill?" yelled Paddy.

"I sew the elastic on the panties and the thongs.

Mick puts them over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fitter!"

The Morgan Motor Company

Thanks to Blain

The Morgan Motor Company located in Britain doesn’t change in a changing

world.Not only is it still independent, but it also makes each car by

hand.

A base model is about $44,000, with some cars costing up to

$300,000. People wait for over a year to get their exclusive hand-built cars with the

shell made out of metal and much of the vehicle made out of

wood.

Working on the wood interior, workers use metal shears to individually shape

a hood because each car has to be different.

Every year Morgan produces about 600 cars. The company will celebrate its 100th anniversary in 2011. It has a long and interesting history, and is still run by the same family: the Morgans.

Founded by Henry Frederick Stanley Morgan known as “HFS”, it was then run by his son Peter, and is now run by Charles, the son of Peter Morgan.