Sunday Family Humour 28th August
Sunday Family Humour 28th August
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
An Old Country Preacher's Tale
Thanks to Capt.Bob
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
1) a Bible
2) a silver dollar
3) a bottle of whisky
4) a Playboy magazine
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.'
'If it's the Bible,' he thought, 'he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.'
'But if he picks up the bottle,' he thought, 'he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's Playboy centerfold.
'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. 'He's gonna run for Congress.'
Microscopy
Thanks to Ray O'.
Bridgestone's Dog
Thanks to Ray O'.
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NOT ALL HERO'S ARE PEOPLE
Thanks to Jane MacR.
James Crane worked on the 101st floor of Tower 1 of the World Trade Center . He is blind so he has a golden retriever named Daisy. After the plane hit 20 stories below, James knew that he was doomed, so he let Daisy go, out of an act of love. She darted away into the darkened hallway. Choking on the fumes of the jet fuel and the smoke James was just waiting to die. About 30 minutes later, Daisy comes back along with James' boss, who Daisy just happened to pick up on floor 112.
On her first run of the building, she leads James, James' boss, and about 300 more people out of the doomed building. But she wasn't through yet, she knew there were others who were trapped. So, highly against James' wishes she ran back in the building.
On her second run, she saved 392 lives. Again she went back in. During this run, the building collapses. James hears about this and falls on his knees into tears. Against all known odds, Daisy makes it out alive, but this time she is carried by a firefighter. "She led us right to the people, before she got injured" the fireman explained.
Her final run saved another 273 lives. She suffered acute smoke inhalation, severe burns on all four paws, and a broken leg, but she saved 967 lives. Daisy is the first civilian Canine to win the Medal of Honor of New York City .
I hope you enjoyed this story. I thought it was terrific.
Yorkshire Airways
Thanks to Tony H.
Nag, nag, nag
Thanks to Andy S.
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this ? Where have you been ? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news..
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
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