Sunday Family Humour 7th August

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Thanks to Mark G.
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has
with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. 
He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor :   You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student    :   Yes, sir.
Professor :    So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student    :   Absolutely, sir.
Professor :    Is GOD Good ?
Student    :    Sure.
Professor :    Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student    :    Yes.
Professor :    My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to  GOD to Heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent )

Professor :   You can't answer, can you ? 
Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?
Student    :   Yes.
Professor :   Is Satan good ?
Student    :   No.
Professor :   Where does Satan come from ?
Student    :   From . . . GOD . . .
Professor :   That's right.  Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student    :   Yes.
Professor :    Evil is everywhere, isn't it ?
And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student    :   Yes.
Professor :   So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer)

Professor :   Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student    :  Yes, sir.
Professor :   So, who Created them ?

(Student had no answer)

Professor :  Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you.
Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student    :  No, sir.
Professor   :  Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student    :   No , sir.
Professor :   Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student    :   No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor :   Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student    :   Yes.
Professor :   According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. 
What do you say to that, son?
Student    :  Nothing.  I only have my Faith.
Professor :  Yes, Faith.  And that is the Problem Science has.

Student    :   Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor :   Yes.
Student    :   And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor :   Yes.
Student   :   No, sir. There isn't.

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

Student    :   Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat,
Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat.
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat,
but we can't go any further after that.

There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student    :  What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor :  Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student    :   You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something You can have Low Light,   Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .

But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it?
In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor :   So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student   :   Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor :   Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student    :   Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.

Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.  
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.        
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor :   If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student    :   Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )

Student    :   Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor. 
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class was in Uproar )

Student    :  Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

(The Class broke out into Laughter )

Student    :  Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .

No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules
of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor :   I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student    :  That is it sir . . .  Exactly ! The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH. 
That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

That student was Albert Einstein.        

So you think your dog can dance

Thanks to Ray M.

Can your dogs do this?     The three minute clip, filmed in Chile

shows golden retriever Carrie standing on two legs and dancing

with a man in a red shirt.

Since it was uploaded six days ago it's already been viewed by over 

1.5 million people who have been suitably impressed by her moves.

Cheered on by a crowd, the dog twists and turns to the Latin American

music performing surprisingly complex moves.

dancing dog.flv

Chile Volcano
Thanks to Ray O'

Chile volcano

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I Love Maxine
Thanks to Bill S

Hello... I have a question!

Maxine 1
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

Maxine 3
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Maxine 4

Why do croutons come in airtight packages?

Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Maxine 5

If people from Poland are called Poles,

then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Maxine 6

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Maxine 7

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,
but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

Maxine 8

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

Maxine 9

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,

then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Maxine 10

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?

Maxine 1

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

Maxine 1

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Maxine 1

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks,
 so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Maxine 1

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them?

Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps
so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Maxine 1

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

Maxine 1

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Maxine 1

Yoga for Wine Lovers
Thanks to Tony

Yoga for Wine Lovers

Builders in the sky
Thanks to Bill S.


Workers build a footpath around the vertiginous slopes of Shifou Mountain in China

builders 1

Thousands of metres up the vertiginous slopes of Shifou Mountain in Hunan Province , China , a team of workers, operating with hardly any safety measures, are building a footpath
builders 2

The workers are building a plank road on the side of the mountain that, once it is finished, will stretch for 3km (9843 ft) and be China 's longest sightseeing footpath
builders 3

builders 4

48-year-old Yu Ji (above) is one of the workers and he has been working on high cliffs building such plank roads for more than 10 years. He comments: "Young people don't want this job, as it requires them to stay deep in the mountains for months or even years"
builders 15

Yu Ji takes charge of the most dangerous part of the project - drilling the holes to set up pipes to support the footpath
builders 6

builders 7

builders 1

Building a plank road on Shifou Mountain is difficult because the cliff stands vertical at 90 degrees, without any slope or alcoves
builders 1

builders 10

builders 11

builders 12

builders 13

builders 14

builders 15

A finished section of the footpath
builders 16

builders 17

Penguins up close
Thanks to Ray M.

A beautiful video of the penguins in Antarctica . Enjoy.

Penguins up close

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