Sunday Family Humour 12th December Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 12th December Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
A very special thank you to all contributors
GLASS OF MILK
Thanks to Ray M.
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods
from door to door to pay his way through school,
found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house.
However, he lost his nerve when
a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water.
She thought he looked hungry
so brought him a large glass of milk.
He drank it so slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied.
"Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."
He said ... "Then I thank you from the bottom of my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house,
he not only felt stronger physically,
but his faith in God and man was strong also.
He had been ready to give up and quit...
Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill.
The local doctors were baffled.
They finally sent her to the big city,
where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation.
When he heard the name of the town she came from,
a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall
of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her.
He recognized her at once.
He went back to the consultation room
determined to do his best to save her life.
From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office
to pass the final bill to him for approval.
He looked at it, then wrote something
on the edge and the bill was sent to her room.
She feared to open it, for she was sure
it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.
Finally she looked,
and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.
She read these words .. "Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed:
"Thank You God,
that Your love has spread broad
through human hearts and hands."
There's a saying which goes something like this:
Bread cast on the waters comes back to you.
The good deed you do today may benefit you
or someone you love at the least expected time.
If you never see the deed again
at least you will have made the world a better place
- And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?!
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which -- To burn
Leishan - China
Thanks to Paul S,
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Now this is pole Dancing
(Indian Gymnasts)
Thanks to David H.
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How London handles misfortune
Thanks to Peter D.
This explains why I forward jokes
Thanks to Ray O.
A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery,
when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.
It looked like fine marble…
At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it,
he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl,
and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer,
he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out,
'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
'Of course, sir.Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road
and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill,
he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book...
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump,' said the man.
They went through the gate, and sure enough,
there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself,
then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full,
he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said.
'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks
who would leave their best friends behind.'
Soooo. Now you see, sometimes,
we wonder why friends keep forwarding stuff to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain it.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You forward emails.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
A 'forward' lets you know that you are still remembered,
you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for.
So, next time if you get a 'forward',
don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke,
but that you've been thought of today
and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are welcome at my water bowl anytime!!
--
I said to myself "I am"................I heard a passing voice say " I'm not".
Holy Men
Thanks to Alex
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains
to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard
- a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment.
They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling,
was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear.
And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.
So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and,
Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.
The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next..
He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed,
'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle!
I went out and I FOUND me a bear.
And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD!
But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.
We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.
And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the Rabbi,
who was lying in a hospital bed.
He was in a body cast and traction
with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.
He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said:
"Looking back on it, ......circumcision
may not have been the best way to start."
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