Sunday Family Humour 17th July Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 17th July Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
Thanks to Mark G.
01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask,"did I wake you?"
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15.. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16.. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Most importantly, never, ever, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Things People Pass Around
Thanks to Ray O'.
Hot Chocolate
Thanks to Lee
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Humming Birds
Thanks to Lee
No one believes seniors
Thanks to Ray M.
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally.”
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!
Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”
Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”
Sally said, “No”.
Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile”
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.
One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”
Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...”
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”
After Life.
Thanks to John Winston.
Few relationships are as profound as those between a mother and her children. The relationship between Nancy C. and her son, David, however, was marked by an added dimension a remarkable p-ychic connection that bound them throughout the tragic challenges of David's young life... and beyond.
This is Nancy and David's true story:
David was my second son. He was born on my birthday. Since David was born, I felt that I was going to lose him, but I did not feel confident that anyone, especially my own parents, would believe me. Since I was a little girl, I have had the ability to foresee the future, mostly tragedies. Not many people, especially family members, believed in the paranormal. I just knew what I felt and I always followed through.
So every time either David or his brother Carl, who was 22 months older than David, seemed ill or would not eat, I would take them to the doctor. Their doctor felt that I was just a nervous mother. Carl was thriving well, thankfully. Yet, although I couldn't put my finger on it, I knew something was going to happen to David.
The frightening discovery
By the time David was in first grade, something compelled me look at the back of his head. I didn't see anything, of course, but I felt that something was going to be there. It didn't take too much longer. Once David started second grade and was now eight years old, he came home from school one day and complained about a headache. This was very unusual for him and I had a sinking feeling inside of me, but I did not panic. I kept a close eye on him. I gave him an analgesic and told him to lie down, but to tell me if he felt another headache coming on.
The headaches progressed. I started getting calls from his teacher. I took him to the doctor, who felt that David might merely be showing symptoms of stress. I didn't buy that diagnosis at all. He was now projectile vomiting and by this time could barely walk, making his way with an unsteady gait.
The doctor took an X-ray of David's sinus, which he said showed he had a sinus infection. I told the doctor he was wrong and I felt that my son needed to have a CT scan or an MRI. Although I already knew what was going to happen, I was not going to let my son leave me without a good fight.
David was scheduled for a CT scan. Two days before the scan, I had a premonition of David's illness. I knew he had a brain tumor. I called the doctor's answering service to have him call me. The doctor called me back and said that I was absolutely wrong. He said that David's symptoms did not coincide with someone that had a brain tumor. I didn't care. I knew my son was going to leave me. I felt it.
David had his CT scan... which proved my feelings were correct. David indeed had a brain tumor. I felt my whole world coming to an end, plus I had another child that needed me. I p-ayed that maybe G-d would give David a chance and give me the tumor. I would suffer and d-e for my children any day.
David had surgery to remove the tumor and all went well. But I was not prepared for what the extreme dose of radiation was going to do to my son in the long run. Five years following his long rode back to recovery, I started to notice little things happening to David that I brought up to his oncologist. David was having MRIs on a six-month follow-up basis. The results of one showed something growing in David's brain stem. It was called a glioblastoma.
David was sent to a well-known doctor in another state, who thought my son looked just fine and there was nothing to worry about. As David became more ill by the day, this doctor's team of surgeons performed a type of biopsy on my son that caused him to eventually hemorrhage to death. Apparently, this machinery was loaned to them from another hospital and these doctors were not sure how to use it correctly. I was told I could sue these doctors, but no money in the world could bring back my little birthday present.
David's gift to his mother One evening, while crying in bed, I prayed that I could see my David and to see how he lives. I was so heartbroken for a long time, always trying to figure out why him? He was a very religious child. He built crosses out of wood and put them around his room. He would also donate his clothing to the poor. I never knew a child like him in my life!
This night I had a vision. I saw my son approach me. He took my hand, and although he didn't speak to me verbally, I was able to hear him telepathically. He told me not to be frightened. Together we followed a beautiful light. When we stopped, I looked around me and I knew exactly where I was. It looked like we were in Heaven. There could not have been any other place that is as comforting and beautiful as what I felt and saw.
The colors of the sky were so beautiful and vibrant! Even the color of the grass seemed much brighter. There were temple-like buildings, benches and gazebos. The architecture was phenomenal! I saw a beautiful waterfall, and the color of the water was just so breathtaking, as was the rainbow that was close by.
I started to cry. I looked at my son and I said that if people only knew what they have to look forward to, they would probably live the kind of life that would bring them to Heaven while they have the chance. I could not help it, but I continued to cry until the next thing I recalled was waking up in my bed and gasping for air.
Since David left us, this would not be my only experience either with messages from angels regarding David or visits to the other side.
Hong Kong
Thanks to Captain Bob
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