Sunday Family Humour 20th March Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Couple of Quickies

From Tony and Ray O'

Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Obama.

It will be named the "Union Worker. "

It doesn't work and you Can't fire it.

-0-

Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

-0-

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside,

and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband.

'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

-0-

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation,

'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Mount Etna Volcano, Sicily

Thanks to Ray M.

UNIVERSAL LAWS

Thanks to Ray M

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of bio mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

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Creative Artists

Thanks to Cory A.

This could start a cult. Wire-bending parties like the old Tupperware parties, but much more fun - a whole series of rules could be produced to provide different grades of wire bender.

I'll bet it sets your mind going, if you are relaxed enough

Best Photos of 2010

Some really high quality stunning shots

Thanks to Lee

What a most beautiful place this world is...with so many beautiful life forms.

Why have humans found it necessary to exterminate 1000 different species of life forms?

Why are there mad men who, filled with the Ego Greed for ever more wealth, power and control...make wars? Like Bushwhacker.

Why are there mad men who steal the Billions and Billions of dollars from their own people? Like Mubarak.

Why are there mad men who delight in inflicting the most horrendous torture upon other human beings? Like Suleiman.

Why are there mad men who pay him for doing so...and the mad man who authorizes such?

Tiz interesting to know there are some countries which Bushwhacker dare not enter.

I believe they made a big mistake.

They should have kept their mouth shut and when he entered...arrest him and try him in a court of International Justice

for the many crimes against humanity of which he is guilty. Such is life. Enjoy the lovely pictures. Lee.

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