Sunday Family Humour 13th February 2011

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Irish Medical Dictionary

Thanks to Tony H.

The Irish have the Lowest Stress rate because they do not take medical Terminology seriously,

you are going to die anyway, so live life . . . . .

Artery.............................. The study of paintings

Bacteria........................... Back door to cafeteria

Barium............................ What doctors do when patients die

Benign............................ What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section........ A neighbourhood in Rome

Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty

Cauterize........................ Made eye contact with her

Colic............................... A sheep dog

Coma............................. A punctuation mark

Dilate.............................. To live long

Enema............................ Not a friend

Fester............................ Quicker than someone else

Fibula............................ A small lie

Impotent......................... Distinguished, well known

Labour Pain................... Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane

Morbid........................... A higher offer

Nitrates......................... Cheaper than day rates

Node............................. I knew it

Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted

Pelvis........................... Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative.............. A letter carrier

Recovery Room............ Place to do upholstery

Rectum......................... Nearly killed him

Secretion...................... Hiding something

Seizure........................ Roman Emperor

Tablet........................... A small table

Terminal Illness............ Getting sick at the airport

Tumour.......................... One plus one more

Urine............................. Opposite of you're out

Lioness shows trust

Thanks to David H.

A TRIP TO THE CENTER OF EARTH

Thanks to Blain

Great Photos

Thanks to Ray O'.

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There's nothing like a good educashun !

Thanks to David H.

Atlantic Highway

Thanks to David H.

So, here's the story

Thanks to Brian W.

So, here's the story.. . .

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound note that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...

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'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO '

So, here's the story

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