Sunday Family Humour 13th February 2011
Sunday Family Humour 13th February 2011
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Irish Medical Dictionary
Thanks to Tony H.
The Irish have the Lowest Stress rate because they do not take medical Terminology seriously,
you are going to die anyway, so live life . . . . .
Artery.............................. The study of paintings
Bacteria........................... Back door to cafeteria
Barium............................ What doctors do when patients die
Benign............................ What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section........ A neighbourhood in Rome
Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty
Cauterize........................ Made eye contact with her
Colic............................... A sheep dog
Coma............................. A punctuation mark
Dilate.............................. To live long
Enema............................ Not a friend
Fester............................ Quicker than someone else
Fibula............................ A small lie
Impotent......................... Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain................... Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane
Morbid........................... A higher offer
Nitrates......................... Cheaper than day rates
Node............................. I knew it
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted
Pelvis........................... Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative.............. A letter carrier
Recovery Room............ Place to do upholstery
Rectum......................... Nearly killed him
Secretion...................... Hiding something
Seizure........................ Roman Emperor
Tablet........................... A small table
Terminal Illness............ Getting sick at the airport
Tumour.......................... One plus one more
Urine............................. Opposite of you're out
Lioness shows trust
Thanks to David H.
A TRIP TO THE CENTER OF EARTH
Thanks to Blain
Great Photos
Thanks to Ray O'.
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There's nothing like a good educashun !
Thanks to David H.
Atlantic Highway
Thanks to David H.
So, here's the story
Thanks to Brian W.
So, here's the story.. . .
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound note that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...
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'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO '
So, here's the story
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