Sunday Family Humour 6th March Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life.

This enables you at 85 years old

to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing

home at $7000 per month.

I like long walks,

especially when they are taken

by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking

is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,

before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

I joined a health club last year,

spent about 400 bucks.

Haven't lost a pound.

Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',

I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

The advantage of exercising every day

is so when you die, they'll say,

'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,

start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise

the last few years,......

just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,

because there's a lot more information in our heads.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look,

I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave,

I look just fine.

If you don't forward this to 1 of your friends within the next 5 minutes

your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really.... It's true

Spare Tyre

Thanks to Paul S,

Aircraft detection before radar

Thanks to Paul S,

I bet none of you ever saw this stuff before.

How air attacks were detected before radar...

Old time acoustic hearing aids

ACOUSTIC "EARS"

BEFORE RADAR - ON A SWIVEL

ACOUSTIC "EARS"

BEFORE RADAR - GERMAN

ACOUSTIC "EARS"

BEFORE RADAR - ON WHEELS

ACOUSTIC "EARS"

BEFORE RADAR - ENGLAND

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Funny Videos

Thanks to Tony H.

Kids At Weddings

Modelling Slips

Surprises

T shirts for Women

Thanks to Ray M.

Best Aviation Photography

Thanks to Ray O'.

Stupid people

Thanks to Paul S.

In Honour of Stupid People . . .

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on

consumer goods.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --

"Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Sainsbury's peanuts --

"Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking

this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we

could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --

"Product will be hot after heating."

(...and you thought????...)

On a Sears hairdryer --

Do not use while sleeping.

(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Doritos --

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.

Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap --

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners --

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron --

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid --

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(..I'm taking this because???.....)

On most brands of Christmas lights --

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor --

"Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts --

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume --

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw --

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread

the stupidity to someone you want to bring a smile to

(maybe even chuckle)...

Blessed are the cracked: for it is they who let in the light.

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