Sunday Family Humour 30th January 2011
Sunday Family Humour 30th January 2011
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
In the face of rising warmth and light, a flower opens to the new day’s Sun. In the face of rising light and love, a planet’s population wakes from sleep, emerges from control, and reclaims its freedom. It wakes from fear, throws off paralysis, and reclaims its power. It wakes from hate, throws off suspicion, and reclaims its love. It wakes from violence, throws off control, and reclaims its peacefulness.
And the people stand firm, unafraid, and listen.
And all around, the forces that controlled them lash out with every weapon they possess
– police, provocateurs, military, water cannons, tear gas, guns.
They issue threats; warn of reprisals; unleash storms and earthquakes; rain chemicals from the air; disrupt their travel, business, education, families.
But the people join together not as citizens of Iran, Tunisia, Myanmar, or France; not as Hindus, Muslims, Christians, or Jews; but as citizens of the world.
They recognize how they’ve been carved up into nations, classes, religions; had language differences and class divides imposed on them;
and in every other way been divided and conquered.
They reject all division and join together as one – men women, and children.
They raise the banner of light and love, peace and harmony.
They tell the truth and seek more of it.
They declare the freedom of all people and the right to health and choice and learning.
They reject the use of force and control, censorship and manipulation, indebtedness and impoverishment
They set their faces against fear and hate.
They refuse to harm or kill or cooperate with those who do.
They lay down their weapons everywhere.
They walk away from bombs and poisons, warships and warplanes.
They depart from organizations that produce pandemic viruses and tainted vaccines, plot to overthrow democratic regimes, issue threats and carry out assassinations, suppress new technologies, and pollute the Earth.
They liberate the halls of power, courts of justice, places of confinement, and mediums of communication.
And the people stand firm, unafraid, and listen.
They learn of their part in bringing on their own subservience and in throwing off their chains.
They wonder how this could have happened and what is next.
They hear how this new age has been expected and anticipated, fostered and nurtured.
They learn how this awakening, emergence, and rebirth are supported by a cast of millions, who until now have worked in the shadows and behind the scenes.
They learn how these people are our families from other places, dimensions, and even ages.
They learn how these people have come here to end our impoverishment, debilitation, and subjugation.
They learn how these people have seen to it that the light of freedom was never quenched or servitude imposed on us as a planet.
They learn how these people have in hand the means of abundance, freedom, and fulfilment and give it freely.
And the people stand firm, unafraid, and listen.
They hear how our controllers intended to depopulate the globe and retain a fraction of us to serve them.
They hear how fear has been used to control and exploit us.
They drop their anxiousness of terrorism, Armageddon, starvation, catastrophe, and annihilation.
They rejoice at what awaits us – freedom from suppression and control.
They realize the future is ours to decide with no new master looming;
They see that no one seeks to place us under heel but to liberate us.
They breathe in new energy, share new abundance, look upon new technologies, and see the Earth being newly cleansed.
They realize the sleep of millennia is over and a new day has dawned, a day without barriers, fear, or control.
And the people stand firm, unafraid, and listen. And the people laugh and shout for joy, in loving anticipation.
The Story of Adam and Eve's Pets
Thanks to Ray O'.
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day.
Now, we do not see you anymore.
We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said,
"I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me."
"Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal and God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased..
And Dog was happy.
And Cat . . .
didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Some of the neatest Photos
Thanks to Ray O'
London's Beefeaters
Thanks ro Ray O'
Some Funnies
Thanks to David H.
Corporate Stupidity:
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important
interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager,
Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
We've been workingon it for months.
Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when
it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
"We know that communication is a problem,
but the company is not going to
discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
Whales in the Moonlight
Thanks to Ray M.
1935-1939 Pictures of the United States
Thanks to Ray O'
Astrology by Tonto & Lone Ranger
Thanks to Bill S.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their Tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look Towards sky, what you see? '
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small
and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo shit.
It means someone stole the tent.....'
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