Sunday Family Humour 24th July

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

An old German Shepherd

Thanks to Bill S.

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep s*** now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

A last view of a Cape Canaveral Shuttle Launch

Thanks Ray M.

One for the Ladies

Thanks to Ray M.

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board

the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said,

'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan.'

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?'

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right?

Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,!' said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas.

I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member,

'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit' 'It's The Box Office.'

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Who thinks up these captions

Thanks to Ray M.

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The Handy Man

Thanks to Captain Bob.

Interesting Quotations

None but ourselves can free our minds Bob Marley

I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance Ruben Blades

People who are attracted to police forces are bullies and sociopaths

Former Reagan Administration advisor Paul Craig Roberts

Be who you are and say what you feel,

because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter Dr. Seuss ..."

Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words,

Your words become your actions,

Your actions become your habits,

Your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny.

Mahatma Gandhi

There are seven sins in the world:

Wealth without work,

Pleasure without conscience,

Knowledge without character,

Commerce without morality,

Science without humanity,

Worship without sacrifice,

and Politics without Principle.

Mahatma Gandhi

Education began when my schooling ended M.Twain

I care not what puppet is placed upon the throne of England to rule the Empire on which the sun never sets. The man who controls Britain's money supply controls the British Empire, and I control the British money supply

Nathan Mayer Rothschild (1777-1836)

Civil disobedience is not our problem. Our problem is civil obedience. Our problem is that numbers of people all over the world have obeyed the dictates of the leaders of their government and have gone to war, and millions have been killed because of this obedience. Our problem is that people are obedient all over the world in the face of poverty and starvation and stupidity, and war, and cruelty. Our problem is that people are obedient while the jails are full of petty thieves, and all the while the grand thieves are running and robbing the country. That's our problem. Howard Zinn, from 'Failure to Quit'

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