Sunday Family Humour 11th September Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Sex and frogs

Thanks to Gary

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.

Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Twenty minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others? "He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home, and on the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease.." "And HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

Man's best friend

Thanks to Ray O'.

Favourable lie

Thanks to Ray O'.

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The Business deal

Thanks to Tony H.

A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38.

The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."

This is the brave new world of the EU

Thanks to Andy S.

The British Constitution: ......................................... 0 words.

Pythagorean theorem: ...........................................24 words.

Lord's prayer:....................................................... 66 words.

Archimedes' Principle: ........................................... 67 words.

10 Commandments: ............................................ 179 words.

Gettysburg address: ............................................ 286 words.

US Declaration of Independence : .................... 1,300 words.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights:...............1,808 words.

US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: .......... 7,818 words.

EU regulations on the sale of cabbage:....... 26,911 words.

Street Art

Thanks to Paul S.

A giant farm dog and a tiny piglet

Thanks to Bill S.

A giant farm dog and a tiny piglet cuddle up as if they were family after the baby runt was dismissed by its own mother. Surrogate mum Katjinga, an eight-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback, took on motherly duties for grunter Paulinchen - a tiny pot-bellied pig - and seems to be taking the adoption in her stride. Lonely Paulinchen was luckily discovered moments from death and placed in the care of the dog who gladly accepted it as one of her own. Thankfully for the two-week old mini porker, Katjinga fell in love with her at first sight and saved her bacon.

And the unlikely relationship has made the wrinkly piggy a genuine sausage dog. In these adorable images Paulinchen can even be seen trying to suckle from her gigantic new mum. The two animals live together on a huge 20-acre farm in Hoerstel , Germany , where Katjinga's owners Roland Adam, 54, and his wife Edit, 44, a bank worker, keep a pair of breeding Vietnamese pigs.

Nose place like home: The baby piglet nuzzles up to its new mum.

Property developer Roland found the weak and struggling piglet after she was abandoned by the rest of her family one evening after she was born.

He said: "The pigs run wild on our land and the sow had given birth to a litter of five in our forest. "I found Paulinchen all alone and when I lifted her up she was really cold

"I felt sure some local foxes would have taken the little pig that very night so I took it into my house and gave her to Katjinga..

"She had just finished with a litter of her own, who are now 10 months, so I thought there was a chance she might take on the duties of looking after her.

"Katjinga is the best mother you can imagine. She immediately fell in love with the piggy. Straight away she started to clean it like it was one of her own puppies.

"Days later she started lactating again and giving milk for the piggy. She obviously regards it now as her own baby." Mum of the year? Quite possibly.

Have a Good Day! Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Hash House Harriers

The Hash House Harriers (abbreviated to HHH, H3, or referred to simply as Hashing)

is an international group of non-competitive running, social and drinking clubs, whose organisation and management sets a perfect example for the new earth government.

This new type of government is known as "drinking-club-with-running-problem mentality", and is now preferred by more hashers than the "power-club-with-paranoia mentality" that runs our governments

harriermagazine.com

Visit relaxing Laos

Look out for the Inter Mekong Hash in Luang Prabang, and it's prelube run in Vientiane

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