Sunday Family Humour 1st May Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes

Thanks to Mark G.

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering

what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you

are whispering when you are not.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing

like a retard.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your

friends over and over again that you love them.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you

can sing.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-

lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can

logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that

you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think

people are laughing WITH you.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in

getting your ass kicked..

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WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan

tpye reel Gode.

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FOR PHOTOGRAPHY BUFFS - Russia 1909-1911

Thanks to Ray O'.

Note the dates these were taken — (1909-1911).

Very unique form of photography requiring three prints in black & white,

then each print filtered with prime colors, then when all prints were

refiltered together, you obtain beautiful permanent lasting colored prints.

(The black & white prints are also permanently saved and the colors changed,

depending on the filters used)....Enjoy.

Google Presentation

Master Tradesmen

Thanks to Ray O'.

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No costs, nothing else needed. Welcome and thank you.

WHO AM I?

Thanks to Ray O'.

I was born in one country, raised in another.

My father was born in another I was not his only child.

He fathered several children with numerous women.

I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me.

My mother died at an early age from cancer.

Although my father deserted me and my mother raised me,

I later wrote a book idolizing my father not my mother.

Later in life, questions arose over my real name.

My birth records were sketchy.

No one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.

I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my new country;

but I practiced non-traditional beliefs and didn't follow Christianity,

except in the public eye under scrutiny.

I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult,

disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.

That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life,

and I embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up.

It was clear to those who read my memoirs, that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.

I became active in local politics in my 30's then, with help behind the scenes,

I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s.

They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything.

I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization.

Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me,

as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.

I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances.

This bolstered my ego.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country's foreign policy...

I was very critical of my country in the last war, and seized every opportunity to bash my country.

But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country's economy.

I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better,

and every poor person would be fed and housed for free.

I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess.

It was the free market, banks and corporations.

I decided to start making citizens hate them and, i

f they became envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.

I called mine "A People's Campaign".

That sounded good to all people.

I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics and was able to gain widespread popular support.

I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope', together we could change our country and the world.

So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden,

poor, ignorant to include "persecuted minorities".

My true views were not widely known and I kept them unknown, until after I became my nation's leader.

I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed,

if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with.. I'm glad they didn't.

Then I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth.

Who am I?

Answer: ADOLF HITLER

(If you were thinking SOMEONE ELSE you should be scared, very scared!)

Pandas after the earthquake

Thanks to Ray O'.

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