Sunday Family Humour 8th May

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Page 1 Page 2

Irish Smiles

Thanks to Ray O'.

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.

They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never come back!

I asked him how he was coping and he said,

"Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff.

"The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.

They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"

Shocked, I answered, " Yes."

They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road.

The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know this face but I cant put a name to it."

The second picks it up & says, "You daft b*stard it's me!"

Paddy's in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and see's him hanging by his feet.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," Paddy replies.

"It should be round your neck," says the guard.

"I tried that," says Paddy, "but I couldn't breathe."

Two lrishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house.

Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away.

He carries on doing this until Murphy says, "Why are you throwing them away?"

"Because they're upside down," says Paddy.

"You daft prat," replies Murphy, "save 'em for the ceiling!!"

Ships and Tsunamis

Thamks to Chris A.

Google Presentation

The Fallen Head

Thanks to ray O'.

To receive the weekly link to the latest Sunday Family humour,

send an email to dgwest7@gmail.com

saying subscribe Sunday Family Humour.

No costs, nothing else needed. Welcome and thank you.

Africa

Thanks to Tony H.

Google Presentation

Old Butch

Thanks to Mark G.

Old Butch

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,'

and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records,

and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time,

so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone,

so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch

and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen,

but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate,

he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets,

hearing the roosters coming,

would run for cover.

To John's amazement,

old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet,

do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch,

he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair

and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize,"

but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet

by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace

and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year, the bells are not always audible.

Man and His eagle

Thanks to Ray M.

Freedom and Jeff

Freedom and I have been together 11 years this summer.

She came in as a baby in 1998 with two broken wings. Her left wing doesn't open all the way even after surgery, it was broken in 4

places. She's my baby.

When Freedom came in she could not stand

and both wings were broken. She was

emaciated and covered in lice. We made the

decision to give her a chance at life, so I took

her to the vets office. From then

on, I was always around her. We had her in a

huge dog carrier with the top off, and it

was loaded up with shredded newspaper for her to

lay in. I used to sit and talk to her,

urging her to live, to fight; and she would lay

there looking at me with those big brown eyes.

We also had to tube feed her for weeks.

This went on for 4-6 weeks, and by then she still

couldn't stand. It got to the point where the

decision was made to euthanize her if she

couldn't stand in a week. You know you don't

want to cross that line between torture and

rehab, and it looked like death was

winning. She was going to be put

down that Friday, and I was supposed to come in

on that Thursday afternoon. I didn't want to go

to the center that Thursday, because I couldn't

bear the thought of her being euthanized;

but I went anyway, and when I walked in everyone

was grinning from ear to ear. I went

immediately back to her cage; and there she was,

standing on her own, a big beautiful

eagle. She was ready to live. I was

just about in tears by then. That

was a very good day.

We knew she could never fly, so the director

asked me to glove train her. I got her used to

the glove, and then to jesses, and we

started doing education programs for schools in

western Washington .

We wound up in the newspapers,

radio (believe it or not) and some

TV. Miracle Pets even did a show

about us.

In the spring of 2000, I was diagnosed with

non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I had stage 3,

which is not good (one major organ plus

everywhere), so I wound up doing 8 months of

chemo. Lost the hair - the whole

bit. I missed a lot of work. When I

felt good enough, I would go to Sarvey

and take Freedom out for walks. Freedom would

also come to me in my dreams and help me fight

the cancer. This happened time and time again.

Fast forward to November 2000, the day after

Thanksgiving. I went in for my last

checkup. I was told that if the cancer was not

all gone after 8 rounds of chemo, then my last

option was a stem cell transplant. Anyway, they

did the tests; and I had to come back Monday for

the results. I went in Monday, and I was

told that all the cancer was gone.

So the first thing I did was get up to Sarvey and

take the big girl out for a walk. It was misty

and cold. I went to her flight and jessed her

up, and we went out front to the top of the

hill. I hadn't said a word to

Freedom, but somehow she knew. She looked at me

and wrapped both her wings around me to where I

could feel them pressing in on my back

(I was engulfed in eagle wings), and she

touched my nose with her beak and stared into my

eyes, and we just stood there like that

for I don't know how long. That was a

magic moment. We have been soul mates ever

since she came in. This is a very special bird.

On a side note: I have had people who

were sick come up to us when we are out, and

Freedom has some kind of hold on

them. I once had a guy who was

terminal come up to us and I let him hold

her. His knees just about buckled and he

swore he could feel her power course through his

body. I have so many stories like that.

I never forget the honor I have of being so close

to such a magnificent spirit as

Freedom.

Hope you enjoy this.

Jeff

Wonderplanet

Thanks to David H.

Google Presentation

Did You Enjoy This Page?

Please click +1