Sunday Family Humour 3rd July

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

One liners

Thanks to Bill S.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.

As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin...

3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...I thought to myself, these guys have lost the plot!!

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!

That's no good, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her some scales.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay.

He claims that the Wii Game Boy he received isn't what he was expecting.

I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!

The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week, all the forms will be printed in English.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC(AAA in the States) van parked up.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor'

- I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'

Talking Dog

Thanks to Gary

A baby horse on its mom's lap

Thanks to Bill S.

Some pictures just don't need captions.

There is nothing like Mom's lap no matter who you are. This is precious !!!!

This is a newborn offspring of Taskin, a Gypsy Stallion

owned by Villa Vanners of Oregon .

These pictures were taken immediately after his birth on April 6.

The mare laid down, and then he trotted around and crawled right

up into her lap.

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Cartoons

Google Presentation

Great golf shot

Thanks to Tony H.

The AA Battery Trick

Thanks to Ray O'.

How Poor Are You?

Thanks to John W.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the

country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be

considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the trip?'

'It was great, Dad.'

'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.

'Oh yeah,' said the son.

'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father.

The son answered:

'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a

creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go

beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends

to protect them.'

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would

happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying

about what we don't have.

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